THE IGFY NEWSLETTER
Holiday Wishes from the Higher Purpose Podcast
Merry Christmas!
In this special holiday episode of the Higher Purpose Podcast, Kevin Monroe takes the opportunity to reflect. He begins by expressing gratitude to listeners and collaborators. He also counts down the top 10 episodes of 2019. Finally, he shares his wishes for listeners for 2020 and beyond.
So Much To Be Grateful For
More than any other time of the year, its popular to express gratitude during the holidays. Kevin asks listeners to think about something they are grateful for in this moment. He shares that he is grateful for the gift of podcasting which gives him the privilege of engaging in conversations and forming relationships with guests as well as listeners. He quotes Barbara Sable who said, “Relationships are primary. All else is derivative.” Kevin reflects that 90% of his guests in 2019 were new relationships that came to be because someone he knew introduced him to someone they thought he should know. None of us knows everybody we need to know, he says, but everybody we do know, knows someone we need to know. When they open the door, beautiful things happen. He goes on to thank his collaborators, without whom the podcast and his other projects would not have been possible.
Clarity Comes Through Action
2019 was a year of experimentation, Kevin reflects. Years ago his mentor Rich Sheridan taught him to stop overthinking and just “run the experiment.” As a result, most of what he now does in life starts as an experiment. Major projects in 2019, such as the Gratitude Challenge, the Humans First Hangout, and the This Extraordinary Life community, came about because of experiments. Kevin points out that clarity comes through action: as he took action, the next steps became clearer, and he is ending 2019 with greater clarity than he started with. His wish for listeners is that clarity comes for them as well.
Top 10 Episodes of 2019
There were several episodes that resonated most with listeners in 2019. Kevin recalls the Top 10 episodes of the year. He wants you to take time to celebrate your progress and come up with your own list of your Top 10 Moments of 2019. Make peace with your past, he urges; celebrate your progress, and prepare for the future.
Holiday Wishes
Kevin wishes you a Merry Christmas. May peace, love and joy be magnified in your life. May you have true peace, which is wholeness and harmony in every dimension of your life. May you have abiding joy even in difficult times. May you have the deep and unconditional love you deserve.
Resources
Top 10 Episodes of 2019:
- Episode 88: Everybody Matters with Bob Chapman
- Episode 101: The Power of Gratitude with Steve Foran
- Episode 82: Being a Chief Heart Officer with Claude Silver
- Episode 102: Dealing With Impostor Syndrome with Kimberly Davis and Melissa Hughes
- Episode 91: The Pulse of Your Organization with David Niu
- Episode 117: Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
- Episode 97: Higher Purpose and Self Worth with Traci Fenton
- Episode 96: The Employee Experience with Ben Whitter
- Episode 105: Gratitude Is A Way of Life with Steve Foran
- Episode 98: The Definition of Success with Al Lopez
Join the Joy Challenge
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
Managing Tension On Your Journey To Greatness with Tim Arnold
Tim Arnold, this week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast, is no stranger to tension. He was a team building and leadership development consultant for 10 years before starting and running a homeless shelter. Today he is the author of The Power of Healthy Tension as well as a sought after speaker. A critical lesson he learned throughout his career was that decisions - and life! - are not always this OR that; many times it’s a matter of managing this AND that. These dilemmas are called key tensions. He chats with Kevin Monroe about these key tensions and how to manage them on the road less traveled.
It’s All Preparation
When Tim decided to leave the consulting business to open a homeless shelter, he felt that he was starting a totally new chapter in his life. He soon realized, however, that his prior experience was preparing him for this new path. He says that when you choose to live a purpose-oriented life you should assume that your experiences - good and bad - have all been preparation for the present. Teaching the concept of healthy tension for so many years prepared him to apply it at the shelter, often in very challenging situations.
Healthy Tension
Kevin asks Tim to define the concept of healthy tension. Tim explains that we’ve been conditioned to see things from an either-or perspective, that decisions are problems to solve and we should choose the right answer. While problem-solving is a critical and laudable skill, there are situations in life that are not problems to solve but tensions to manage. In these moments we have to be able to hold two opposing positions in tension, or adopt an ‘and’ mindset instead of an ‘either-or’ one. For example, manage both flexibility AND structure, don’t try to choose either only flexibility OR only structure. If we want to achieve our higher aspirations, there are some underlying tensions in work and life we should embrace rather than avoid.
What Does It Look Like To You?
Choosing one side may feel good but it will work against you in the long term, Tim points out. Rather than picking one side, he advises, think about what living on both sides looks like for you. Many times an ideal, such as fairness, means different things to different people. The goal is not to compromise your values, but to embrace both sides fully. Kevin comments that oftentimes organizations would choose words to portray their values without fully defining what those words mean to their business. Tim adds that if you don’t fully understand the underlying tensions you have to manage to live out those values, then they are just words. Dig into those underlying tensions and learn how to leverage them.
Key Tensions on the Road Less Traveled
Kevin and Tim discuss a few key tensions that difference-makers need to leverage on their journey to greatness. These include:
- Fun and seriousness;
- Purpose and profit;
- Caring about the right people’s opinions and not caring what everyone else thinks;
- Idealism and realism.
Tim says that once we realize that idealism and realism go together, we will be able to hold on to our vision while accepting the reality of what needs to be done now.
A Challenge For Listeners
Tim’s challenge to listeners is to think about what tensions they are going to manage in the coming year. Are you willing to embrace them? What would it look like to get the value of both sides? Kevin has his own questions for listeners:
- Are there any issues that you previously saw as problems to solve that you now realize are actually tensions to manage?
- What are the key tensions you face as a difference-maker?
- What do you plan to do with what you've learned today? What’s your next step and how can we help?
Resources
Book and other resources: ThePowerOfHealthyTension.com
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
The Road Less Traveled in Leadership with Mike Vacanti
The Higher Purpose Podcast’s new intro clarifies what the show is about and that it is for people who have chosen the road less traveled in business, in leadership and in life. Host Kevin Monroe says who better than Mike Vacanti to share the first conversation under this new banner? Mike is the first guest to appear on the show three times in a calendar year.
- Kevin congratulates Mike on the launch of his first book, Believership: The Superpower Beyond Leadership.
- Both Kevin and Mike choose not to accept commonly held beliefs or ‘best practices’ if those beliefs and practices do not make sense to them. Mike calls it having the strength to resist becoming someone else.
- Mike shares an experience of corporate culture, of “feeling that I had to conform and become one of them rather than the best of me.” To his mind, if you’re going to work together, you should enjoy the experience. His way of leading his team was producing high-level results, yet he was told they didn’t like his methods. It led him to make the difficult decision to leave the company in order to stay true to himself. He saw their entrenched ideas of how he should behave as a leader as authority, not leadership. The way he led his team was the way he believed leadership should be.
- Mike’s book, Believership, emerged from his exploration of the question, What happens because of me? He discovered that his teams performed well together because they all believed in what they were doing and they believed in each other. He comments that we’re in a new era of business so a lot about leadership needs to change. He wants to open up the dialogue about what that change looks like and what we need to discard to get there. Kevin admires that Mike’s approach is not prescriptive; rather, it is an invitation into a conversation.
- An idea from Mike’s book that Kevin loves is, Lift Others. Mike says that it is an intention that he starts each day with.
- There are repeatable things that we can do to make work better, Mike says, and we should apply those patterns. When they no longer work, we should look for alternatives. Mike is resistant to the term “best practices” as it’s often used as an authoritative statement - the one best way - which closes off ideas, creativity and ingenuity.
- Mike talks about his upcoming book launch event at VaynerMedia in New York City.
- We can do better, Mike says. Things can improve and we can lift others along the journey with us. He sees a decade of difference as an invitation to become excited about the challenges and opportunities in front of us. He encourages listeners to imagine how much we can accomplish this decade simply because of the technology and tools we have available to us.
- Kevin asks Mike to encourage listeners who may be facing difficult times. Mike responds that we need each other. As such, we should be there for one another. When we can support each other, especially when it’s most needed, we’re actually doing greater service. That is when we’re actually winning, he says.
- The road less traveled is lonely when you try to go it alone. When you realize that there are people on the same journey as you, it motivates you and gives you hope. There is a ripple effect that multiplies to others. Kevin sums it up in a phrase: Open hearts, love others, multiply impact.
- To become comfortable with only knowing the next step and taking it, Mike says we should realize that when we take that step forward, our vantage point changes. We can see more clearly what’s possible, and maybe the end result will be much better than what we imagined at the beginning.
Resources
Believership: The Superpower Beyond Leadership
Mike Vacanti on LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
Sailing To An Extraordinary Life with Piers Thurston
This week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast is mindset transformation coach, Piers Thurston. He joins host Kevin Monroe for what the latter calls “a unique, different kind of conversation.”
Your Best Life Is In The Arena
Kevin recently attended a football game that boasted a record crowd. He says he couldn’t escape the fact that over 100,000 people were in the stands, and millions more elsewhere, to watch 22 players. Only the players were in the arena while everyone else was somewhere else: either watching the action, waiting to get in on the action, commentating on the action or missing out on the action. If you’re committed to living an extraordinary life, Kevin says, there’s only one place that can happen, and that’s in the arena. He quotes the Man In The Arena speech by Theodore Roosevelt, “...The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…” He asks listeners, Are you in the arena? Life is not a spectator sport. Life is meant to be lived in the arena, so if you’re sitting in the stands, it’s time to change. Get on the field and play.
Who’s Not In The Arena
Kevin lists the different categories of people who are not in the arena:
- Tailgators - In the US people spend more time at tailgate parties than the actual game. For various reasons, they never actually go to the game, they stay in the parking lot. They are missing out on the action.
- Players on the bench - These are either specialist players who enter the field when it’s their turn to contribute or backup players. They’re just waiting for the coach to call them to the field. If you feel like you’re a backup, Kevin encourages you to get ready to go on the field. Your time is coming, he says.
- Players in the locker room - If you get injured or disabled on the field, you’re sent to the locker room. You have to sit the game out and you may even be licking your wounds. Don’t be discouraged, Kevin says. Once you have a pulse you have a purpose. You’re still living and breathing so you still have a contribution to offer the world. Get back in the arena.
- Penalty box - You may have made mistakes or disregarded the rules, and you’ve been sent to the penalty box. You too can get back in the game in time, Kevin says.
- Reporters - These are the people who comment on the game. You get to report the play by play action, but you’re not on the field. If you want to get in the game, you can. It may be as a coach or mentor but get in there regardless.
Are You In The Arena?
Kevin concludes this week’s show by encouraging listeners to ask themselves what’s keeping them out of the arena of life. The arena is where you will live your decade of difference. Don’t beat yourself up over your shortcomings, we all have some. Get in the arena and dare greatly.
Resources
Join the Joy Challenge
Book Your Decade of Difference
Email Kevin: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call: 678-744-5111
Living Your Extraordinary Purpose with Cornell Thomas
Cornell Thomas, author of Extraordinary, was raised on the adage that everything happens for a reason. His mom taught him through her example that in difficult times, you look for a solution, you don’t quit. He joins Kevin Monroe to talk about finding his purpose and living an extraordinary life.
Listen to the Episode now:
In Finding Your Purpose, Even Baby Steps Are Steps
We’ve all had moments where we think we discovered our purpose in life. Cornell says that happened twice before he found his true purpose. He shares how his purpose changed from basketball player to coach, then to writer. Purpose is a journey, not a destination, Kevin says. Cornell agrees that it’s a journey because it’s never-ending. A destination means that you get there at some point, so it becomes a race to the finish line. There’s no finish line to what I do, he says, because my purpose is evolving every single day. The reason so many people don’t discover their purpose is because they either get discouraged or they think there’s nothing else they could do. There’s always another step, Cornell emphasizes. You have to fight for your purpose. Kevin adds that you just have to take one step, then another, and don’t quit. Even baby steps are steps, says Cornell.
You Are Extraordinary
You are extraordinary because there’s no one else like you or ever will be. So how can you not treat yourself as priceless? The difference between extraordinary and ordinary is that extra that you put in. What you do determines if your legacy becomes special. He asks listeners, who are the top three people who have influenced you in your life? Who would name you in their top three? If you’ve made someone’s top three, you’ve made a lasting impact on their life. That impact will last long after you’re gone, and they in turn may pass it on to their children. That’s legacy for Cornell. Legacy is not changing the world by yourself.
Who’s Your Mahalia?
We’ve bought into a fantasy that one person by themselves changes the world, Kevin comments. The reality is that no one does it alone. The sooner you figure out who your people are, the bigger the impact you will make together with them. He relates how it was Mahalia Jackson’s prompting Martin Luther King, Jr to tell the crowd about the dream, that led to his greatest speech. Who’s your Mahalia? Who is the person who sees your dream and helps you articulate it in a way you’ve never done before?
Getting Through Adversity
Kevin asks: what’s one thing that awakens an ordinary person to believe that life can be extraordinary? Cornell answers that for him, it has been adversity. After you’ve been through a difficult experience, you often ask yourself how you got through it. It awakens you and inspires you to make a change. If you’re in the middle of adversity, he advises you not to go it alone. Use your support network. First, ask yourself, Is this life or death? Then, what do I immediately have to start doing to slowly change my mindset? The third question to ask yourself is, Who can I bring along with me to hold me accountable for these action steps? There are going to be storms in life, Cornell says. But they are transitory and you can get through it.
Live, Love and Lead an Extra-Ordinary Life
In this week’s episode of the Higher Purpose Podcast, Kevin Monroe shares some insights to inspire listeners as a new decade approaches. He speaks about the power of a like-hearted community and leading an extra-ordinary life.
Listen to the Episode Now:
The Road Less Traveled
Kevin believes that, like himself, listeners have chosen the road less traveled, whether in business, leadership or life in general. A question he has been pondering is, what happens when we lose our way on this road? There aren’t any established markings or exits here, so maybe we’re not actually lost as we think. He asks, who do you call first when you’ve lost your way? If that person is not on the same road as you, their options may be very different from yours, so their advice would not be of much help to you. You should surround yourself with people who are on the same journey, Kevin admonishes. Be especially selective about who you allow into your life as a mentor and how much influence you allow them to have in your business and life, he warns, especially if their goals, beliefs, and values are diametrically opposed to your own.
The Power of a Like-Hearted Community
More and more, Kevin is recognizing how important it is to connect to a like-hearted community. We don’t have to think alike, but we must be wired alike at the heart, he says. We can’t change the universe by ourselves, we need to do it in community with people who are on the same road.
Long-Range Planning
Instead of the typical annual planning that we do, what if we think of the coming decade instead, Kevin suggests. Now you have 40 quarters to accomplish your goals, instead of just 4, and 3650 days instead of just 365. How would your plans change using this approach? If we take a decade-long mindset, we wouldn’t be in such a hurry to gain traction, we’d know we have lots of time.
Living an Extra-Ordinary Life
Many of us aspire to be extraordinary but we compare ourselves to other people, and we conclude that we’re just too ordinary. However, the path from ordinary to extra-ordinary is simple: it's doing ordinary things, but doing them with extra focus, flair and fervor. Suddenly, that life that we thought was ordinary is extra-ordinary. This extra-ordinary life is available to us all, Kevin says, and the gateway to it is gratitude. He invites listeners to think about 2020 as a decade of difference. To have that decade of difference, we need to focus more on who we are being and becoming than what we are doing and accomplishing. Embracing the extra-ordinary in business, leadership or life is the long road. Being faithful with it requires us doing it together as a community of like-hearted travelers.
Resources
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Episode 37 - Story Driven with Bernadette Jiwa
Awakening to Purpose, Meaning, and Connection with Garry Turner
Garry Turner is this week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast. He is the host of the Value Through Vulnerability podcast and was a guest on Episode 90 of this show. Kevin describes him as a great connector of people. They discuss his awakening, how his life is different post-awakening and the joy of connecting.
Waking Up
Garry recently delivered a keynote address at the Ignite Conference in Switzerland. His topic was Waking Up to Purpose, Meaning, and Connection. Kevin asks why he used the term waking up. He replies that five years ago he had already achieved everything society said was important, but he had a hollow feeling in his heart. That was the start of his awakening. He realized that he was sleepwalking through life: he was only focusing on the outside and neglecting his inner self. He describes his awakening as a gradual process that included taking deliberate action but then experiencing burnout. It was his coach that led him to realize that the outside world didn’t cause his burnout, but that he did it to himself by believing that he was not good enough.
Life Post Awakening
When he accepted that he was the cause of his own burnout, Garry felt a release and freedom from feeling like a victim. He now believes that he is good enough. He does not attach his identity to making money or outside validation. He can now appreciate insights that did not mean much before. I just feel more vibrant, he says. He has more capacity and is more productive because he does not waste so much energy thinking that he is not enough. Kevin comments that we expend so much energy in fantasy conversations that don’t take us any place good. He asks Garry to speak to listeners who may be feeling inadequate or hopeless. Garry assures listeners that they are enough and to actively connect with other people. If you need a listening ear, he invites you to reach out to him or Kevin personally.
The Joy of Connecting
You feel a sense of belonging when you’re part of a community where you can connect with others and just be yourself. We’re all innately connected because we’re part of the human race, Garry says. If you think you don’t belong, you’re overthinking your way away from belonging. Kevin agrees with that assessment. He asks Garry whether his awakening prompted him to be a great connector, or if he has always been that way. Garry responds that he’s always been good at developing meaningful relationships, but his awakening made this ability more pronounced. For him, connecting people is more a flow state than an active energy. It’s very intuitive, he says. For Kevin, it’s a deep calling and almost like a duty. He says that it’s like he is responding to an invitation to do something and who knows the impact it might have! Everything opens up when you’re connected, Garry says. He experiences a transformation in his ability to be present and empathetic, to serve, and to love himself as part of the bigger system. His life is richer for just being open to all life has to offer.
Resources
Garry Turner on Twitter | LinkedIn
Email Garry: garry.turner@thelisteningorganisation.co.uk
Value Through Vulnerability podcast
Episode 90 of Higher Purpose Podcast
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Infusing Your Company with Culture with Kerry Wekelo
Kerry Wekelo is the Chief Operating Officer at Actualize Consulting, and author of Culture Infusion: 9 Principles for Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Organizational Culture. She chats with Kevin Monroe about how she helps her company and clients infuse a people-first culture into their organizations.
Listen to the Episode:
An Inside Out Perspective
Kerry explains that the book is a case study of Actualize and shows how they were able to turn around their culture from being focused on profits first, to people first. Kevin says that he appreciates that this book gives an inside out perspective.
Infusing Means Layering Flavors
As Kerry looks forward to 2020 she is thinking about what strategies she will improve on or new ones she will include. She emphasizes that you can’t just make a decision and never revisit it: it’s a constant, continuous journey of putting people first and keeping up with the times, similar to how you would layer flavors in a dish you are cooking. That’s why her book is called Culture Infusion. When Actualize decided to put their people first, they layered that principle into every touchpoint, such as their newsletter, their monthly All Hands calls, and even when Kerry checks in with new recruits. What we’re doing, she says, is a lot of little things that are infusing the people-first principle, and it’s really making a big difference. Throughout the organization people feel supported and appreciated.
Building From Your Heart
Kevin asks Kerry to unpack a quote from the book, “When it all comes down to it as the leader the most solid foundation on which you can build is your heart.” She explains that it’s important to check your gut instinct when you’re making decisions. She trusts her intuition then brings in the analytical business case.
Defining Culture
Both Kerry and Kevin share their definition of culture. To Kerry, culture is the pulse of the organization. Kevin defines culture as the way we do things around here. Kerry feels gratified that prospective employees all feel that what they heard about Actualize turns out to be true - that it’s a great place to work.
Principles They Live By
One of the nine principles Kerry discusses in her book is surveying the team. She says that they seek feedback on several topics throughout the year. They always let their employees know what they decided based on their feedback; and if they didn’t decide to do something, they let everyone know why. Kevin asks how her process has changed since she wrote the book. She comments that she has been focusing more on gratitude in the company as well as in her seminars.
Resources
Kerry Wekolo on LinkedIn | Twitter
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
Executive coach and author of Are You Listening or Just Waiting to Speak, Jane Adshead-Grant is the guest on today’s show. She shares deep insights about listening with host Kevin Monroe, including why she discourages note-taking during conversations.
Listen to the Episode:
Don’t Take Notes
Kevin often creates some questions to ask podcast guests as a springboard to their conversation. While they are speaking, he jots down notes so that he remembers important points or ideas he wants to revisit. Jane discourages this practice. She says that instead of taking notes, he should trust himself. When you listen deeply, you’re allowing the speaker to continue to think and speak at their very best. You will remember the essential elements of what they said, she assures Kevin. To listen deeply, you must first be at ease with yourself as the listener; you must know that both speaker and listener have equal capacity to think, listen and share; and you must appreciate each other for the qualities that you see in one another.
The Gift of Time
Kevin asks what listeners can do to be more present in the conversation. Jane advises them to give themselves the gift of this time, free from judgment, distraction and interruption. Distraction can be both internal and external, she says. An example of internal distraction is when your mind wanders; she advises that you should mentally check yourself when this happens and bring your focus back to the conversation. The most common external distraction is the phone: just put it on silent. When you actively give your attention - paying attention is more passive and reactive, Jane says - you’re giving respect to the other person. You’re saying that in this moment they are more important than anything else.
Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
Jane writes in her book that we should let silence do the heavy lifting. Kevin asks her to unpack that statement. She explains that people need time to process questions or information. Giving them the opportunity to pause while they process their thoughts is a real gift. Humans think in waves and pauses: we have a wave of thinking, and then we naturally pause. If we allow that silence for long enough, the brain itself will soar once more in a new way, Jane says.
Don’t Interrupt
The brain receives an interruption like an assault, Jane reveals. One of the greatest things we can do is resist the urge to interrupt and allow the person to complete their thoughts, feelings and ideas. Interrupting prevents the person from flourishing into who they are meant to become. If you absolutely must interrupt, you should do it as gracefully as possible, while the person takes a pause. If you inadvertently interrupt someone, apologize.
Listening is a Gift
Jane reminds us that listening is a gift that is worth mastering because it shows how much you care. When you listen to someone to generate their best thinking, it frees them to be more, to create more, to feel more courageous. Whereas time is the currency of leadership, listening is the currency of relationship.
Resources
Longing for Belonging
Kevin Monroe has a one-on-one chat with listeners this week about our need for belonging. We are wired for belonging: we all have a desire to be seen, accepted, valued and loved for who we are, not what we have to become to earn approval or acceptance. Often however, we settle for just connection. Kevin discusses four aspects of this important subject: the beauty of belonging, barriers to belonging, the battle for belonging and the birthright of belonging.
Listen to the Episode:
The Epidemic of Loneliness
Most people have many ‘friends’, especially on social media, that they are connected to, yet loneliness has reached epidemic proportions. People may be socially connected, but they are lonely because they lack a sense of belonging. Loneliness is a greater health risk than obesity, Kevin says. The risk of dying from obesity is 30%, whereas the risk of dying from loneliness is 50% greater than that.
The Beauty of Belonging
Much of what humans do, according to a study by Baumeister and Leary, is in the service of belonging. Kevin invites listeners to reflect on the things they’ve done in order to belong. He states that there is beauty in belonging. What is that place of deep belonging for you, he asks. What are the memories and feelings you associate with that place? The best experience of belonging, he declares, is a place where no credentials are required. You feel a sense of home there.
Barriers to Belonging
There are many barriers to belonging, such as economic, social and institutional barriers. Perhaps the biggest barrier for most of us, Kevin says, is the personal barrier. We have this narrative running in our head that tells us that we don’t belong, and gives us the reasons why. When we enter a new place, we go in looking for resistance and rejection, and our confirmation bias ensures that that’s exactly what we see.
The Battle for Belonging
We have been sold a lie, mostly by mass media, that belonging is beautiful but only the beautiful belong. This idea is funded by billions of dollars to tell us that we don’t belong, but we can buy our way into belonging. But if we have to buy belonging, what happens when we can’t afford it any longer? We’re booted out. Kevin discusses the various ways we are made to battle for belonging.
The Birthright of Belonging
We belong, simply because we are part of the human race. It’s our birthright and we don’t have to do anything or buy anything to earn that right. Kevin says that we can’t make someone feel that they belong, but we certainly can create an environment where people feel welcome. Stop erecting artificial barriers and entrance exams that do more to keep people out than let them in. Look people in the eye, smile, shake hands, hug. Call them by name. See people and let them see you. Have conversations with people who are different from you. Don’t just stop at connection, Kevin says, move beyond it to belonging. Let’s create hospitable environments that welcome people and allow them to experience belonging.
Resources
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Barriers to Belonging report
Baumeister and Leary study
Have Fun Being Yourself
Kevin talks one-on-one with listeners in this week’s show. It has been 2.5 months since his last solo episode and he has a few thoughts he wants to share with the community.
Listen to the episode now:
His two most recent speaking engagements were the most fun for Kevin because, as he says, “It was the most me I've ever allowed myself to be.” He describes himself as a blue jeans guy, and it was the first time he allowed himself to wear jeans on stage, instead of a suit and tie. His keynote address was about the Superhero syndrome, which was discussed in episode 83 as well as in his Linkedin blog post titled Soft Skills Suck. Soft skills, he says, are really a misnomer because, in today's world of business and life, it takes people skills to succeed. That's the really hard stuff.
The audience responded well to his presentation and it made him realize that people are tired of being talked at. They want to have conversations. Showing up as his authentic self and having real conversations with his audience really made the experience special. Kevin challenges listeners: What do you want to do that is authentically you despite the expectations others have placed on you?
Overthinking and Underacting
Kevin talks about how the Gratitude Challenge began and where it has reached in such a short time. He is grateful that he took action on the idea instead of overthinking, over-preparing, and underacting as he would usually do. He urges listeners to take action on their ideas: make a minimally viable product, get it out there and see how people respond to it.
We’re All On the Verge
We all have times when we think: “By now I should…” These thoughts often lead nowhere good. When Kevin has these thoughts, as he recently did, he calls out in prayer and he reaches out to someone in person. This practice staves off what could have been a series of dark days. What came out of his conversation was that, in one way or another, we’re all on the verge of becoming what we’re capable of. He reflects about he would much rather have the words He was on the verge written on his tombstone than the words He quit.
The Liminal State
The liminal state is the state between what was and what will be. We are not who we were, yet we've not fully become who we are in the process of becoming. We often express this as: “I will be _____ when _____.” Kevin says that if we believe that we will only be successful when something happens, that day will never come. The moment we reach that milestone we move the bar higher. We should say instead: “I am ______ now, because _______.” Even though you may not have or be all that you want at this moment, there are still many things that are beautiful in your life.
Resources
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
On Hiring the Displaced with Chris Chancey
Kevin Monroe met Chris Chancey seven years ago and they kept in touch. Two years ago Kevin visited Chris’ company Amplio and immediately knew that a conversation would happen in due course. Chris’ recently released book - Refugee Workforce: The Economic Case for Hiring the Displaced - provided the opportunity for Chris’ appearance on this week’s show.
Listen to the Episode:
About the Book
The book highlights the lessons Chris learned from five years of working with companies in manufacturing, construction and hospitality, to fill their labor shortage with a dependable refugee workforce. Chris says that over seven million jobs will go unfilled in 2019, mostly in those three categories.
What Refugees Really Want
We often stereotype refugees in two ways: we either think of them as charity cases that we need to provide for, or we consider them a terrorist threat that we need to be wary of. On the contrary, Chris says, refugees want to contribute, they want to pay taxes, they want to use their skills and time to provide for their families. They want to be seen as people who have value. The average length of time for a refugee to be in a refugee camp is 10 years. They’re not allowed to work while they’re there. Chris sees this as wasted potential, since these are the prime years of their working lives. When they do get an opportunity to work, they have a hunger to prove themselves.
Shalom
Kevin asked Chris to talk about the win-win-win opportunity Amplio is helping businesses discover. Chris responds that we have persons with strong motivation to work, for whom drug abuse is not an issue, and who are legal to work in the US. Amplio matches them with companies that have open positions. Very quickly they started seeing the true impact of engaging the refugee workforce at companies:
- Increase in retention: the industry standard in manufacturing is 40%. With refugees, the retention rate is 80%.
- Increase in productivity: Refugees are highly motivated to work so they can provide better for their families.
- Increase in profits: with higher productivity comes increased profits.
It's a win for the refugee, it's a win for the employer, and it's a win for Amplio, being the one making that relationship happen. Kevin calls this win-win-win state Shalom, as it’s the right order in all relationships.
A Challenge for Listeners
Chris throws out a challenge to listeners, which Kevin endorses: Let your table be filled with people not like you. He invites you to find someone from a different background or culture, and engage with them in deep, meaningful conversation. He promises that you'll come away with insights and perspectives that you didn't have before.
Resources
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Deep Listening with Oscar Trimboli
Host Kevin Monroe welcomes back his guest from episode 57, author Oscar Trimboli, to continue their conversation about deep listening. They talk about the cost of not listening, listening villains and how to overcome distraction.
This is the Century of Listening
Kevin recalls a statement that Oscar made in episode 57: “The biggest productivity gains for leaders and systems is by listening more, not learning to speak more effectively. We spent the last century learning how to speak. We'll spend the 21st century learning how to listen.” Oscar says that we are going back to our storytelling traditions, and there will also be a correspondent focus on improving our listening skills. Stories are a great way to teach children to listen.
The Cost of Not Listening
Kevin estimates that the cost of not listening is about $73 billion per year. In some notable crises in recent history, it took people outside of the system who were listening, to point out the impending disaster. Sadly, they were ridiculed at the time. Oscar points out that we find it difficult to pay attention to people who are different because we’re listening to prove them wrong. When you find yourself violently disagreeing with someone, he says, ask yourself which of your assumptions could be false, and what could you learn from that person. That is listening on a deeper level.
The Math of Listening
Eric explains the 125/400 and the 125/900 rules and how they keep us from listening well. He describes a good listener as one who helps the speaker to discover their own meaning.
Listening Villains
Most people think they are better listeners than they are. Oscar helps people in the workplace discover which of the 4 listening villains they actually are:
- The shrewd listener, who pretends they're listening but actually thinks they’re smarter than the speaker;
- The interrupting listener, who just wants the speaker to get to the point;
- The lost listener, who is stuck in his own head; or
- The dramatic listener, who always has a bigger, better story.
Overcome Distraction
Kevin shares a simple practice from Oscar’s book that helps him overcome distraction to listen better. That practice is simply to pause for a moment and breathe. Oscar says that putting your phone into flight mode and drinking a glass of water are other simple steps you can take. He finds that these simple practices have a big impact on business: meetings start earlier and end sooner, projects come in under budget, customers are happier, and employees stay with the company longer.
Join the Listening Challenge
Kevin and Oscar invite you to join them in the Listening Challenge. It's an opportunity for you to discover your listening villain, remove distractions and become comfortable with silence. You can enroll at ListeningChallenge.com.
Resources
Oscar’s book: Deep Listening - Impact Beyond Words
Join the Listening Challenge
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 112: World-class Culture By Design
High-performance Culture Coach, David McGlennen, is the guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast this week. He chats with Kevin Monroe about the rhythms of life and how to become a world-class organization.Listen to the full episodeThe Rhythms of LifeDavid recognizes that life has rhythms that are very much like the seasons. There is a time to prepare, a time to bloom, a time for blooming to end and to prepare for winter, and a time to go deep and grow. Kevin concurs and adds that there is also a rhythm to the day. When we find and follow the flow of the daily rhythm, beautiful things happen.World-class by DesignIn every organization, there are success behaviors that lead to high performance. When we help people reach their fullest potential, we're actually helping our company to develop: high performance and being people-centered and not mutually exclusive, David says. He helps companies be intentional about creating a world-class culture. He states that a good company has a good culture by default, but a world-class company has a world-class culture by design. Culture is what we actually see as behaviors in an organization. It is either desired and led intentionally or it’s what is allowed to transpire.Traits of a World-class OrganizationWorld-class organizations intentionally develop the rhythms, disciplines and processes necessary to be high performance. We see it in their attention to detail and how they are purposeful about everything they do. David calls this playing like a champion: it's doing the things that matter most to people on a daily basis, over and over again, no matter how boring it gets. He stresses that it's important for leaders to step back from the business for a moment and define the behaviors that would lead to success. What does it look like to them to be world-class? What are the small behaviors that would make a difference? World-class Performance Begins With PurposeDavid says that most people want to do their best. In order for them to perform at their best however, we have to be able to align them with their purpose. If leaders develop their people, they will in turn bring all their skills and talents to the business to the benefit of both parties. Developing people is the groundwork for a culture that is magnetizing. Give people the opportunity to see their full potential, and believe in them, David advises. Leaders should be intentional about helping align their people with their purpose. If we’re on purpose, we're going to serve and impact more people and more lives, he says.ResourcesDavid McGlennen on LinkedInEmail: david@davidmcglennen.com Be The Leader Podcast on YouTubeKevin@higherpurposepodcast.comPhone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 111: The Belonging Factor
Devin Halliday recently emailed his subscribers to announce the release of his new book, The Belonging Factor. Since Kevin Monroe couldn’t remember signing up for the list, he replied to Devin’s email explaining that he was unsubscribing on principle. Devin immediately felt that he had broken trust and he immediately emailed back Kevin to express regret and hope that he could earn back his trust in time. That interaction eventually led to today’s show. Kevin and Devin chat about finding your tribe, the belonging deficit and its effects, and how leaders can create an environment where people feel like they fit in.
Listen to the full episode.
Finding Your Tribe
We’re all looking for our tribe, Devin says. He relates how he came to realize that it was his responsibility as a leader to create an environment where his team could feel a sense of trust, connection, and cooperation. By creating a team with this dynamic, you're creating a culture where people can truly feel like they belong.
The Belonging Deficit
It's tragic that many people experience a belonging deficit, Kevin says. Devin explains that social media in particular exposes this. When we post on social media and many people like our post - ironically, most of whom we have no real-life relationship with - we experience a quick dopamine response from feeling we belong. This dopamine fix goes away quickly and the belonging deficit returns, so we post again and again. In the workplace, the belonging deficit manifests itself in 3 major areas:
- Misalignment between your personal values and the organization’s values - if the organization’s values are not lived by leaders, or employees are not allowed to fulfill these values, they start to question whether they belong. Ultimately the cost to the organization is the repeated loss of its highest-performing talent.
- Misalignment with your direct leader - when you don't believe you have trust from your leader, or you're unable to express your voice or share constructive dissent, you feel a growing dislike for your job.
- Misalignment with your team - this can usually show up in teams that are focusing on diversity just to fulfill a metric. Without the right leadership, the team will be unable to innovate or communicate, and members would feel that they don't belong there.
5 Key Characteristics
Devin describes five characteristics shared amongst brands and leaders that when replicated, have a tremendous impact on creating a sense of belonging.
How Leaders Can Create an Environment of Belonging
Belonging is feeling permission to show up as yourself, Devin says. Leaders can create an environment of belonging by:
- Being an ally and advocate four people in a different position than themselves;
- Making sure they have clearly defined the organization’s values, culture, and roles and behaviors;
- Modeling what's expected by being transparent.
If you aspire for great impact, be the leader who is taking the appropriate actions and live the values. Devin admonishes, choose the challenge of struggle because it's that path that's going to lead you to exactly the outcome you want to achieve.
Resources
Win one of 2 free autographed copies of Devin’s book: HigherPurpose.BelongingFactor.com
Email Devin: ibelong@belongingfactor.com
Website: devinhalliday.com
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 110: The Neuroscience of Purpose
At the start of her career as a 4th-grade teacher, Melissa Hughes was tasked with teaching children how to learn, but she had never herself been taught how the brain works. Today, as a neuroscience expert, author and speaker, she finds that we all want to learn how to make our brain work better. She joins host Kevin Monroe in a lively discussion about the neuroscience of purpose on this week’s show.
Listen to the full episode
Psychological Numbing
Melissa posted a video about psychological numbing on LinkedIn that caught Kevin's attention. He asks Melissa to describe psychological numbing and the effect it has on us. She explains, when something tragic happens over and over, we feel the emotional magnitude of it less and less. It's not that we don't care; but the more we are exposed to bad stimuli, the more desensitized we get. Sadly, as the number of victims in a tragedy increases, our empathy or willingness to do something decreases, because we feel like there is nothing we can do.
Start With One
When it comes to tragedies, big numbers are really abstract but one is a real person. Melissa says that fighting psychological numbness takes intention. The answer is to look for one person and make a difference in his or her life. Kevin adds that this one intentional act of kindness creates a ripple effect.
The Neuroscience of Purpose
We are much more positive and engaged when we have a purpose, Melissa says. It's a myth that we want everything to be easy; the human brain likes a challenge but it needs to matter to us. We find joy when we are in a place where we can be both challenged and positive. When we live a purposeful life, the limbic system produces more happy chemicals - oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine - instead of cortisol, the stress hormone. Understanding why it’s important to increase these happy hormones intensifies their benefits to us.
Make Gratitude Part of Your Routine
Gratitude works the same way as the happy hormones: the more you do it, the more you benefit. In fact, the best way to get out of a negative feedback loop is to intentionally break it with gratitude. Melissa starts and ends her day by writing in her gratitude journal. Doing so sets her up for a successful day. When you envision yourself being successful, she says, you alert your reticular activation system, also known as the brain’s bouncer, to let in any opportunity that will help you reach your goal. At the end of the day, think of one thing that you are grateful for. You will feel more empowered and more empathetic towards others. We are in much more control of our brains than we think.
Resources
Subscribe to Neuroscience Nugget
Melissa’s book: Happy Hour With Einstein
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 109: Becoming the Leader Your Team is Waiting For
Jonathan Raymond is the author of Good Authority: How to Become the Leader Your Team is Waiting For. He chats with host Kevin Monroe about his leadership journey and the core principles he discovered along the way.
Listen to the full episode
The Value of a Leader
Leaders commonly internalize the destructive notion that they need to have all the answers and solve all the problems in the company. In fact, we attach our sense of value to this idea, Jonathan says. This causes lots of problems at work. When it comes to the people part of leadership, a leader’s job is to ask good questions, to get answers you may not even think about. Rather than conducting meetings and presentations, have 1-on-1 conversations and listen actively.
Jonathan’s Journey Into Good Authority
Jonathan shares his gradual journey to becoming a good leader. He describes the moment he realized that things needed to change, and the steps he took from there. His wife asked him a question that would become the cornerstone of his life from that moment: what if professional and personal growth were two separate paths, but one journey? He now sees his life at work as daily opportunities for personal growth.
What is Good Authority?
Good authority is not command and control, as it has been historically accepted. It is also not no authority or hierarchy at all. Good authority is acknowledging and embracing that I am in a position of authority and that I use it respectfully and with two-way dialogue.
3 Core Principles
Kevin asks Jonathan to define the 3 core principles discussed in his book. Jonathan discusses these ideas:
- The deepest purpose of a business is to change the lives of the people who work there.
- The role of leaders and managers is to show people that personal and professional growth are inseparable.
- If you want people to be more engaged, you’ve got to be more engaged with them.
More Yoda, Less Superman
Superman’s whole identity is wrapped up in saving the day. He never mentored anyone. He was focused on solving all the problems on his own. By contrast, Yoda was invested in helping Luke to become the best version of himself. He asked Luke difficult questions, informative moments to empower him to self-reflect and make difficult decisions, instead of holding his hand at every step. Jonathan believes that the future of work is to give people more Yoda; in other words, a pathway to self-discovery and self-actualization.
Resources
Find Jonathan at Refound.com
Email: hello@refound.com
Book: Good Authority
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 108: Reframing Adversity
Podcaster and author, Heather Younger joins Kevin Monroe to talk about how to move forward after adversity. Heather spoke at the TedX Colorado Springs event recently. She unpacks how adversity led to her purpose and how she helps others to reframe their adversity.
Listen to the full episode.
How Adversity Led to Purpose
Heather feels depleted by all the negative news in our society. She remarks that we have turned into a society of being victims. By contrast, she chose to use the adversity she faced early in life as fuel to do what she was called to do. She is driven to help others move forward because there is so much more to all of us than any of us know. She feels that God created her to do exactly what she is doing today. “I can't even be me if I'm not doing what I'm doing,” she says.
Heather’s North Stars
There are many guiding principles Heather lives by. She calls them North Stars. Two of her favorites are:
- End strong, never end weak.
- Uplift others always.
She comments that she came by these principles through her life experiences. It all started from the adversity: I am the person I am today because of my adversity, not in spite of it, Heather explains.
How to Reframe Adversity
When something bad happens, we each have a natural proclivity to either fight, flee or freeze. The first step in reframing is to allow the natural emotions to roll over you. However, there is a cut-off time: you don’t stay in that emotional mode forever. You move on to step 2 in reframing, which is to rethink that event or situation in a way that allows you to grow and move forward. Heather says that there are many ways to rethink what’s happening to us. Asking yourself questions such as “what did I learn from that? What can I do now because of this?” can help us see new possibilities. This same reframing process helps organizations and leaders to focus on rational ways they can impact the customer experience, rather than be discouraged by the things that are out of their control.
Reframing is Not Denying Reality
Kevin emphasizes the fact that reframing is not denying reality. It is letting reality sink in, but refusing to let it soak in for long periods of time. If you soak in it for too long you will wrinkle and shrink. Instead, focus on thoughts such as “what does this make possible? What's a different path forward?” If you think that there is only one path forward after a bad experience, that's being a victim. There is always more than one way to respond to any problem or dilemma.
Flip the Switch
A big part of personal, organizational and leadership effectiveness is to get a hold of your mind first. Once you discover what you can control after or in the midst of adversity, you feel a level of empowerment, like flipping a switch. 3 steps to start flipping the switch are:
- Step outside physically.
- Don’t soak in your adversity.
- Start imagining a new set of possibilities.
Resources
Heather R. Younger on LinkedIn
Book: The 7 Intuitive Laws of Employee Loyalty
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Higher Purpose Podcast 107: Thriving is Possible at Work
The team at One Stone Creative introduced today’s guest, Mike Sipple Jr. to host Kevin Monroe. Mike is the host of the Talent Magnet Institute Podcast, and the owner of a family business focused on helping organizations and leaders become talent magnets. Kevin and Mike meet up to chat about creating a culture of care at work and how to help people thrive.
Listen to the full episode
Creating Cultures Where People Thrive
Our duty as adults, Mike says, is to create environments where all people can thrive. This involves listening and creating empathy. He outlines 6 steps to help people thrive at work. Step 2 is to stop and evaluate your organization’s culture now, from the outside as well as the inside. He defines culture as the thousands of interactions that happen every day in your environment: the way people experience your culture, not the way you talk about it. In step 5 he advises to let TIP (Thoughtful, Intentional, Personal) guide your approach to employee development and retention.
What is Thriving?
You can know that someone is thriving if they are innately happy in what they’re doing, when their work is contributing to the company's mission as well as their personal life. The better you understand their personal goals, the more you can understand their motives.
Would You Want to Work For You?
The first step in evaluating your culture is to ask yourself, if you were interviewing with you, would you want to work here? Organizations and leaders who care about their people are crushing the competition: when you care about your people, others hear about it and want to work for your organization. Mike shares 3 ways you can evaluate your company culture. Kevin adds that another question to ask yourself is, would you want your children to work here? If the answer is no, Mike advises you to accept it and not excuse it. Be the change.
Caring is Good Business
Caring about your people is the right thing to do but it also makes good business. Research on positive work cultures show a tangible financial impact, including a 400- 500% greater stock price value and greater ROI for those companies who invest in their people. Mike advises leaders to treat their people just like they treat their customers. Kevin adds that the customer experience will never be better than the employee experience.
Successful Leaders
Mike shares 4 characteristics of leaders who love well and who are not afraid to let their people know they care. These leaders are courageous, they believe that people are genuinely good, they care about those that struggle, and they are good communicators. Success in leadership is not just about work, Mike says. He asks leaders, do you have 3 a.m. friends? Would you want your kids to live like you? Real success is also about how you show up personally, in relationships as well as the community.
Resources
Talent Magnet Institute Podcast
Kevin Monroe email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Kevin Monroe phone: 1-678-744-5111