BLOGS & RESOURCES
The Power of Self-Compassion with Laurie Cameron
Laurie Cameron, founder of PurposeBlue and bestselling author of The Power of Self-Compassion, talks with Kevin Monroe about the benefits of mindfulness and the journey to self-compassion, as well as the hurdles one might come across on that journey.
Listen to the full episode:
A The Inner Critic
Laurie shares a disheartening experience with someone in which her trust was broken. Her first thought was critical of herself and the red flags she ignored: her “inner critic” had reared its head. The inner critic is part of our biology and is there to protect us to ensure we survive both physically and emotionally, Laurie says. The first step in practicing self-compassion is not ignoring the inner critic, but acknowledging it and moving past the cognitive analysis of the hurtful event.
Shifting Your Perspective
Laurie communicates that some of our feelings of being hurt are due to a narrative that we tell ourselves. Mindfulness training helps you to observe your narratives, and analyse how you interpret others’ actions and intentions. Only then would you be able to shift your perspective to objectively understand your situation and avoid miscommunication.
Touch as Self Care
Kevin quotes from Laurie’s book, “Touch activates the physiology of care,” and comments that he hadn’t considered an individual’s touch to themselves falling under that category. He now realizes that you can apply the physiology of care to yourself. Laurie adds that the tool of touch is one of many approaches to practicing self-compassion and is a primal development of our biology.
I’m Not That Voice
We’re born with a negativity bias that has good intentions - to protect us - but is counterproductive as it creates a fixed mindset which is demotivating and stunts growth. The voice may be more dominant in individuals conditioned to be critical. We may associate our identity with that negative inner voice instead of seeing certain behaviors and patterns as transient. Thankfully, Laurie conveys, we can recondition or unlearn the negative voice and relearn a positive voice.
Self-Compassion is Not Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is tied to ranking, rating, and comparison to others. Comparison has caused much emotional suffering and loneliness in society. On the other hand, self-compassion has nothing to do with metrics; it’s all about how we see and treat ourselves in the moment. Laurie offers some insight and practical tips on how to practice self-compassion. She hopes that people can engage in mindfulness, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. Mindfulness is accepting that life is messy and mistakes are normal, she adds. It’s the practice of accepting what is and amplifying the good.
Resources
Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
A Textbook About Love At Work with Dr. Bruno Cignacco
Dr. Bruno Cignacco’s latest book - entitled, The Art of Compassionate Business: Main Principles for the Human-Oriented Enterprise - is one of the only textbooks about the importance of love at work. He chats with Kevin Monroe about the book and why love is good for business.
Listen to the full episode:
A Textbook
Kevin says that he was surprised that Bruno’s book is a textbook. Bruno responds that it’s both an entrepreneurial book and a textbook, about how companies can be more humane in the business environment. His research goal was to gather some principles about human-oriented enterprises that could be applied to any company, regardless of size, sector or nationality.
Love Is Good For Business
At the heart of compassionate business, Bruno says, is the principle of love. Business is based on relationships, so if you only focus on KPIs, you’re dismissing an important part of your business activity: the human aspect. If your business treats stakeholders - employees, customers, community, even the government - in a loving way, your KPIs will improve automatically as they are a natural result of a healthy relationship between your company and its stakeholders. He is gratified that there is a new generation of businesses that adopt a human-oriented approach.
Holistic vs Fragmented
Kevin quotes Bob Chapman’s book, Everybody Matters, to point out that employees would give their best if they are respected and cared for. Bruno agrees that leaders need to see their employees as whole human beings with different needs. He says that the principle of reciprocity suggests that how you treat your employees influences the way they treat your business. If you adopt the fragmented approach, where you only see them as cogs in your organizational wheel, they would take a defensive mode, and only do the minimum. However, treating employees in a loving way by embracing their humanity, encourages them to give their best.
A Definition of Love
Bruno says that there are two incompatible polarities in business: love and fear. Some workplaces are full of fear, while others operate through love. When you’re focused on love, you connect with others, you feel that you belong, and you’re warmer, kinder and more supportive. Love is much broader than romance, Bruno points out. It includes care, empathy, respectfulness and willingness to help. Love people because they are human, he says, because we’re all interconnected. Kevin mentions that there are over 30 definitions of love in Bruno’s book. He asks Bruno which is his favorite. Bruno replies that he likes the definition of love as service to others.
Love vs Fear
“Love is the natural heightener of people’s human qualities,” Bruno writes in his book, a quote which Kevin shares. “In other words, when people adopt a loving attitude, their positive human side is gracefully enhanced. On the other side, when people adopt an unloving attitude, even their greatest human qualities are degraded.” Love is always expansive, Bruno adds: it helps us to connect with and trust one another; it helps us cooperate better and think more creatively; it makes us more intelligent. Fear, on the other hand, makes us focus only on a narrow set of factors when we perceive a threat. It is immobilizing and does not bring about any positive change within a company.
Bruno offers some practical tips for leaders to build a loving environment. He hopes that love and the idea of embracing the whole human being in the world of work, become common practice. Focus on growing your relationships, and your business will naturally flourish, he advises. When you focus on the people, they will help you achieve your objectives.
Resources
Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
Bringing Love To Work with Lorie Corcuera
Kevin Monroe starts the show with two heartwarming messages he received from listeners. These connections and interactions are what this podcast is truly about, he comments. He then introduces this week’s guest, Lorie Corcuera, who is a consultant and speaker, and author of the soon to be released book, Love First, The Rest Will Follow.
Listen to the full episode:
Live Wow
Lorie’s life mission is to “live wow and love completely.” She defines living wow as the intention to create wow experiences, and loving completely as a reminder to love herself and others completely because it’s only when we accept our whole being that we can love others more freely. Kevin responds that ‘wow’ is the perfect response when something happens that grabs your attention and your heart.
Love Belongs In The Workplace
It all comes down to love, Lorie says. Workplace culture is something that is felt. In a fear-based organization we can’t be our real selves because we don’t feel psychologically safe. Love is what we need, even though the word seems inappropriate in a professional setting. To ease their dissonance with the word love, Lorie asks her clients to think about what they want their customers to say about their products, or their staff to say about the company. Usually, they want customers to say that they love their product, and staff to say that they love working there. She then tells them that if they want customers and staff to love, they need to love as well.
Amazing Results
Kevin asks Lorie to define love as it relates to the workplace. She responds that when love exists in the workplace, people feel connected, they work well together, they’re fully engaged and excited about making a contribution. In order to achieve this, leadership has to feel the same way. Imagine if every team member feels worthy, valued, seen and cared for, she says. We would be able to create amazing things together.
Love By Example
Lorie wants people to love by example. We may not all be leaders at work, but we are leaders in our own lives. The best leaders are good with themselves, Lorie comments. Start with embracing and accepting who you are as a person. That will build your confidence to show up as your authentic self. Then you can focus on loving others. Her dream is for a workplace where every person feels love for themselves so that they can love others. That loving energy is shared with customers and team members, and ultimately with their families. “At the end of the day,” Lorie says, “it's all about relationships. Love is the key, because that's the basis of relationships.”
Kevin adds that in a fear-based environment you leave work drained and there’s nothing left for your family or community. On the other hand, when you work in a love-filled organization you may be physically tired at the end of the day, but you are not emotionally drained. You can be fully present with your loved ones. Lorie comments that we all want to look back and say we had an amazing life because we were fulfilled in so many ways. It all starts with love. Kevin challenges listeners to love by example: do something every day for the next seven days to lift and encourage others, he says.
Resources
Lorie Corcuera on LinkedIn
Radical Loving Care book
Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
What Is Your Dream?
Kevin Monroe chats one-on-one with listeners this week. He shares gratitude and encouragement as well as the uplifting backstory that inspired this week’s show.
He’s Grateful For…
It’s amazing how projects like the Gratitude Challenge bring like-hearted people together in community, Kevin says. We find one another, engage in conversation and encourage one another. Sharing our stories allows us to connect and build friendships. He is grateful that he is able to provide opportunities for people to connect, collaborate and become friends.
Who’s Your Mahalia?
Kevin sat down to write the blog post for the Big Dreams challenge on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Naturally, he began to reflect on MLK’s famous I Have A Dream speech, and its inspiring backstory. He relates that 10 minutes into Dr. King’s prepared message, he went off script. At one point he paused, and famed gospel singer Mahalia Jackson, who was standing behind him, encouraged him. “Tell them about the dream, Martin,” Mahalia urged him. It was then that Dr King ad libbed - vividly and passionately - about his cherished dream. His inspiring speech breathed new life to the civil rights movement, and gave hope to millions.
What’s the dream in your heart? Who is your Mahalia, the person in your life who knows you have a dream inside of you that needs to find fulfillment and expression, and encourages you to keep going?
Kevin’s Dream
Sharing your dream is what allows it to take root and grow, Kevin says. Certainly Dr. King didn’t have a 12-step plan of how his dream would be accomplished, but that didn’t stop him from sharing it. In the same way, Kevin shares his dream with listeners.
Kevin has a dream of a world where:
- Everyone sees themselves as difference makers and gives some part of themselves to making a difference for others.
- We all take a moment every day to share an act of compassion and kindness with those around us.
- Difference makers from around the world connect and collaborate with one another so that together we are inspired to take action on a larger, broader scale than any of us could take alone.
- Everyone has the opportunity to be involved in meaningful work and workplaces around the world are filled with love, dignity, freedom and respect. Where workers return home safely at the end of each day with energy and zeal for their families, because they feel valued, appreciated and respected at work.
- Leaders see themselves as serving those they lead, as shining the spotlight on the great work of others, and creating environments where people flourish and thrive.
- Everyone has a strong sense of belonging; where acceptance is extended as a birthright rather than earned as a bonus for good behavior and performance.
Resources
How Martin Luther King Jr Went Off Script in ‘I Have A Dream’
Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
From Burnout to Belonging with Rachel Druckenmiller
This week’s guest is Rachel Druckenmiller, speaker and founder of Unmuted. Host Kevin Monroe promises that their conversation will be inspiring and enjoyable, but also a bit challenging and controversial.
- Rachel says that she has always been an overachiever. Once she realized that she could be successful at school, she decided to keep at it and carried the same attitude into her career. Kevin reflects that the hustle for approval started very early for him as well. Approval is dangled in front of us as a carrot, he says, and it’s the reward that keeps us performing.
- We have this idea that if it's worthwhile, it's going to be hard; and if it's not hard enough, we're going to make it harder.
- Rachel says that she had to be the best, and that meant constantly looking for ways to prove herself to people. When we're insecure, she says, we have this tendency to oversell ourselves instead of just letting our work speak for us. Kevin posits that more money is traded on the Insecurity Exchange than the Securities Exchange. We do all these things to prove that we’re good enough.
- Tying your identity, self-worth and sense of belonging to your achievements is a very dangerous place to be, Rachel warns. Kevin calls this the “will be when ____” phenomenon, because we think we will belong or will be good enough when we achieve something or check some box. He argues that there’s never an end to the boxes we need to check because once we’ve checked one box, we replace it with another. As such, we never feel like we belong or that we are good enough. Rachel agrees; she says that she always felt that love and acceptance were on the other side of achievement.
- Rachel relates that she burned out three years ago, and how that experience led her to realize her value as a person.
- Kevin talks about Dr. Emil Brunner’s Cycle of Grace. Flip the cycle and start with acceptance, he says.
- We punish ourselves mercilessly to get acceptance, which is really a free gift, Kevin says.
- None of us can make any impact on anybody else in isolation, Kevin points out. Even if you work by yourself, he advises you to find a way to connect with other people.
- Start with what brings you joy, Rachel says, and invite others into that joy. Reach out and have a conversation. Take the initiative to join or create the kinds of communities that you want to be a part of.
- Rachel lives by these principles now:
- What is meant for you will not pass by you. If you're meant to do something in the course of your life, everything will conspire to make it happen despite how you might try to prevent it.
- No amount of achievements and accomplishment will ever fill the hole left by a lack of connection and belonging.
- You were born to belong. The fact that you exist means that you’re wanted in the world.
- Kevin asks Rachel how she experiences life differently now. She says she now makes it a priority to make time for the people who mean the most to her. She quotes a poem by Bruce Wilmer, Be Yourself.
Resources
Rachel Druckenmiller on LinkedIn | Instagram
Cycle of Grace by Dr. Emil Brunner
Episode 127: Living an Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa
Episode 116: Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
Be Yourself
(Poem by Bruce Wilmer)
The world would like to change you;
There are pressures all around.
You must decide just who you are,
Then firmly hold your ground.
You have an image of yourself,
An ideal sense of you;
And to this vision you must always
Struggle to be true.
You know what you are good at,
And you know where talents lie;
But if you're ruled by others,
Your uniqueness could pass by.
Remember, there is much to learn;
But all new things aren't good.
Wisdom lies in what we learned,
And what we have withstood.
So, be yourself and don't allow
The world to take control.
Preserving your identity,
Is life's most precious goal.
Helping Others Grow with Claude Silver and Cody Royle
This week’s inspiring guests are Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer at VaynerMedia, and Cody Royle, author, podcaster and head coach of the AFL Team Canada. Host Kevin Monroe is excited that they both are travelers on the Road Less Traveled. They chat about creating a workplace culture that helps people grow.
- One of the most enlightening challenges of the Gratitude Challenge, Kevin says, is Phone-A-Friend. You ask someone else, If you were me, what would you be grateful for? Kevin poses that very question to Claude and Cody. They bring tears to each other’s eyes with their answers.
- The #1 request Claude hears from employees is “Help me grow.” This is what people are actually saying when they ask for feedback or when they want to improve their skills, she says. Along their journey, they’re going to experience many micro-journeys - some successes, some failures - and that is what they’ll remember in life.
- People want to get from point A to point B. As a leader, what are you doing to coach and mentor to get there?
- Cody is happy that the conversation is moving away from management towards coaching and mastery. The sports world can teach us so much about this, he says.
- When you master your craft, you notice that the game slows down, Cody says. The coach’s job is to get the athlete to reach that point by honing skill as well as removing barriers. Kevin finds this a beautiful description of the idea of mastery. He comments that the game slows down because you’ve grown and developed your skill, so you are now able to show up in the environment differently.
- Claude says you can help others grow by creating an environment of psychological safety. Be real, inspire them and live by example so that they feel comfortable to talk about anything with you. She shares a game she uses with employees that opens them up and helps them to talk about what matters to them personally. Cody adds that everyone has to be involved in creating a psychologically safe environment. We can all help each other then because we all feel safe.
- Kevin, Claude and Cody discuss the difference between drinking the water vs drinking the Kool Aid.
- Kevin asks, “What does it take for people to shift and get comfortable with a trusting, welcoming human environment?” Claude says that her company gives trust first not last. It takes time for people and interaction with other workers to accept that it truly is as good as it sounds. Cody comments that it starts with being truthful at recruitment. It’s just like dating: if what you deliver is not what you promised, things go south pretty quickly.
- We have the impression that someone has to stay at an organization for a long time in order to have an impact. We need to rethink this idea, Cody argues. A more productive approach is to ask, How can I help this person right now and maybe momentarily in their life, whether that's with us or not? A good coach helps his players grow so much that they don’t need him anymore, Cody says. Accept that they may leave, but ask them to give you their best while they’re with you, and be the best coach and mentor to them you can be.
- If you want your company culture to change, you be the change, Claude encourages listeners. Find a mentor to guide you if you need to.
Resources
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
Invitation To Live A Decade Of Difference
Happy New Year!
As Kevin Monroe reflects on 2019, he is grateful for all the people he has met. He is also grateful for hope of a brighter future and fresh clarity about who this podcast serves best. In this first episode of 2020, he invites listeners to look at business, leadership and life through a different lens by embracing a decade of difference.
You’re Qualified!
This takeaway from episode 125 with Tim Arnold resonates with Kevin: Everything in your life up to this moment - the good, the bad and the ugly - has prepared you for your present and your future. Therefore, nothing disqualifies you from making a decade of difference. In fact, the things that you think count you out, actually attract people to you. Your life message resonates with others who have had a similar experience, so you have the moral authority to reach them in a way no one else can. Your past lights the way for you and for others who have known the same struggles, difficulties, and challenges. Kevin invites you to make peace with your past, so it no longer casts a shadow over your future.
Characteristics of Difference Makers
Here are some traits that difference-makers commonly share:
- They are other-centered. They’re focused on making a difference in the lives of others, rather than making things better for themselves.
- They are purpose-powered. There’s a purpose that inspires and motivates them to do what they do.
- They are ‘tragically optimistic’. No matter how difficult the circumstances, they believe that good will emerge in the end.
- They are dealers in hope. They inspire others by depositing hope into their lives.
- They are kind, compassionate, caring and humble.
Ripples of Influence
When you make a difference in someone’s life, Kevin says, you may not even be aware of it. There’s no way of knowing how far the waves and ripples of your influence will reach, so don’t even try to track it. The important thing is to realize that your decade of difference cannot be outsourced. It must be insourced; that is, it starts with you thinking differently, seeing the world differently and living differently. Start with your own personal development, and your influence will ripple out to your family, and community, and maybe even the world.
Permission To Live A Decade of Difference
Whether you know exactly what difference you want to make in the world, or you’re not quite sure, Kevin is cheering you on. He invites you to give yourself permission to dream, imagine and discover your decade of difference. You live a decade of difference one day at a time, he says. If you go off-track, reorient yourself and keep moving forward. Connect with a community of others who are also on the journey. Prepare for challenges and tough times because they will inevitably come, but seize the decade nonetheless, and be a difference-maker whatever arena you’re in.
Resources
Episode 125: Managing Tension On Your Journey To Greatness with Tim Arnold
Episode 127: Living An Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
Living an Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa
When you get out of your own way and stop trying to make things happen - when you pay attention to what’s calling on your heart - you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be. Following where inspiration leads is the subject of Debbie LaChusa’s book, The Following Inspiration Experiment. She joins Kevin Monroe on this week’s show to talk about living an inspired life.
- Following inspiration means listening to that little voice in your head, Debbie says. It’s trusting your gut, listening to your intuition, or it can be feeling called to do something. For her, it meant stepping away from planning every aspect of her life, and just paying attention to the people, events, and opportunities that showed up.
- Kevin and Debbie relate how they came to this view of life. Kevin says that four words came to his mind one Sunday: “More led, less driven.” Since then he has been intentional about following the invitations that show up in life, rather than trying to make them happen. When Debbie started to let go and started doing what showed up, amazing things began to happen.
- Following inspiration has been a 10-year experiment for Debbie. Kevin asks if she is there yet. She responds that there is no ‘there’. There, she says, implies that happiness and success are someplace else. The best place to be is right here, right now, because when you’re present you notice the inspired path, you pay attention to the ideas that show up, and they stick. It’s simple, but it’s not always easy to practice, she points out.
- Your work will be harder, frustrating, and not as good when you force it. Kevin says that he has never produced inspired work in make-it-happen mode. Debbie adds that the recipients of your work can tell the difference: there’s an energy in your work when you do it from an inspired place that’s just not there when you plow through.
- We’re all going to end up where we’re supposed to be if we pay attention to what speaks to us. We each have our own path, and it’s different from everyone else’s. If we open ourselves to what shows up, our purpose will find us.
- Flow is being in the zone. It’s when life and work feel effortless, peaceful, and purposeful. Debbie says that being in flow is all about getting out of your head and into your heart. Kevin adds that it’s moving effortlessly with energy and direction towards an intention. Drifting, on the other hand, is feeling lost; it’s aimless.
- Synchronicity is a perfect, meaningful coincidence: it’s something that happens that you just couldn’t plan, but feels right. Let yourself follow through on the ideas and opportunities that feel right to you, Debbie advises. Trust that there’s a reason you’re being attracted to them. Ultimately, that’s what synchronicity is, and it’s one of the ways inspiration shows up.
- Living an inspired life makes you feel at peace. Even when bad things happen, you find the lessons and the good that comes from the bad.
- Debbie describes how her book title came about. It was an inspiration in itself, she relates. She says that her ‘marketing’ strategy has been to put her book out there, and trust that it will get in front of the people that it needs to. “That's what's happened,” Debbie says.
- She urges listeners not to be afraid to try something different. If life seems harder, and you’re feeling unsettled, if you’re thinking that there must be a better way, just give it a try, she says.
Resources
The Following Inspiration Experiment
Join the Joy Challenge
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
Holiday Wishes from the Higher Purpose Podcast
Merry Christmas!
In this special holiday episode of the Higher Purpose Podcast, Kevin Monroe takes the opportunity to reflect. He begins by expressing gratitude to listeners and collaborators. He also counts down the top 10 episodes of 2019. Finally, he shares his wishes for listeners for 2020 and beyond.
So Much To Be Grateful For
More than any other time of the year, its popular to express gratitude during the holidays. Kevin asks listeners to think about something they are grateful for in this moment. He shares that he is grateful for the gift of podcasting which gives him the privilege of engaging in conversations and forming relationships with guests as well as listeners. He quotes Barbara Sable who said, “Relationships are primary. All else is derivative.” Kevin reflects that 90% of his guests in 2019 were new relationships that came to be because someone he knew introduced him to someone they thought he should know. None of us knows everybody we need to know, he says, but everybody we do know, knows someone we need to know. When they open the door, beautiful things happen. He goes on to thank his collaborators, without whom the podcast and his other projects would not have been possible.
Clarity Comes Through Action
2019 was a year of experimentation, Kevin reflects. Years ago his mentor Rich Sheridan taught him to stop overthinking and just “run the experiment.” As a result, most of what he now does in life starts as an experiment. Major projects in 2019, such as the Gratitude Challenge, the Humans First Hangout, and the This Extraordinary Life community, came about because of experiments. Kevin points out that clarity comes through action: as he took action, the next steps became clearer, and he is ending 2019 with greater clarity than he started with. His wish for listeners is that clarity comes for them as well.
Top 10 Episodes of 2019
There were several episodes that resonated most with listeners in 2019. Kevin recalls the Top 10 episodes of the year. He wants you to take time to celebrate your progress and come up with your own list of your Top 10 Moments of 2019. Make peace with your past, he urges; celebrate your progress, and prepare for the future.
Holiday Wishes
Kevin wishes you a Merry Christmas. May peace, love and joy be magnified in your life. May you have true peace, which is wholeness and harmony in every dimension of your life. May you have abiding joy even in difficult times. May you have the deep and unconditional love you deserve.
Resources
Top 10 Episodes of 2019:
- Episode 88: Everybody Matters with Bob Chapman
- Episode 101: The Power of Gratitude with Steve Foran
- Episode 82: Being a Chief Heart Officer with Claude Silver
- Episode 102: Dealing With Impostor Syndrome with Kimberly Davis and Melissa Hughes
- Episode 91: The Pulse of Your Organization with David Niu
- Episode 117: Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
- Episode 97: Higher Purpose and Self Worth with Traci Fenton
- Episode 96: The Employee Experience with Ben Whitter
- Episode 105: Gratitude Is A Way of Life with Steve Foran
- Episode 98: The Definition of Success with Al Lopez
Join the Joy Challenge
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
Managing Tension On Your Journey To Greatness with Tim Arnold
Tim Arnold, this week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast, is no stranger to tension. He was a team building and leadership development consultant for 10 years before starting and running a homeless shelter. Today he is the author of The Power of Healthy Tension as well as a sought after speaker. A critical lesson he learned throughout his career was that decisions - and life! - are not always this OR that; many times it’s a matter of managing this AND that. These dilemmas are called key tensions. He chats with Kevin Monroe about these key tensions and how to manage them on the road less traveled.
It’s All Preparation
When Tim decided to leave the consulting business to open a homeless shelter, he felt that he was starting a totally new chapter in his life. He soon realized, however, that his prior experience was preparing him for this new path. He says that when you choose to live a purpose-oriented life you should assume that your experiences - good and bad - have all been preparation for the present. Teaching the concept of healthy tension for so many years prepared him to apply it at the shelter, often in very challenging situations.
Healthy Tension
Kevin asks Tim to define the concept of healthy tension. Tim explains that we’ve been conditioned to see things from an either-or perspective, that decisions are problems to solve and we should choose the right answer. While problem-solving is a critical and laudable skill, there are situations in life that are not problems to solve but tensions to manage. In these moments we have to be able to hold two opposing positions in tension, or adopt an ‘and’ mindset instead of an ‘either-or’ one. For example, manage both flexibility AND structure, don’t try to choose either only flexibility OR only structure. If we want to achieve our higher aspirations, there are some underlying tensions in work and life we should embrace rather than avoid.
What Does It Look Like To You?
Choosing one side may feel good but it will work against you in the long term, Tim points out. Rather than picking one side, he advises, think about what living on both sides looks like for you. Many times an ideal, such as fairness, means different things to different people. The goal is not to compromise your values, but to embrace both sides fully. Kevin comments that oftentimes organizations would choose words to portray their values without fully defining what those words mean to their business. Tim adds that if you don’t fully understand the underlying tensions you have to manage to live out those values, then they are just words. Dig into those underlying tensions and learn how to leverage them.
Key Tensions on the Road Less Traveled
Kevin and Tim discuss a few key tensions that difference-makers need to leverage on their journey to greatness. These include:
- Fun and seriousness;
- Purpose and profit;
- Caring about the right people’s opinions and not caring what everyone else thinks;
- Idealism and realism.
Tim says that once we realize that idealism and realism go together, we will be able to hold on to our vision while accepting the reality of what needs to be done now.
A Challenge For Listeners
Tim’s challenge to listeners is to think about what tensions they are going to manage in the coming year. Are you willing to embrace them? What would it look like to get the value of both sides? Kevin has his own questions for listeners:
- Are there any issues that you previously saw as problems to solve that you now realize are actually tensions to manage?
- What are the key tensions you face as a difference-maker?
- What do you plan to do with what you've learned today? What’s your next step and how can we help?
Resources
Book and other resources: ThePowerOfHealthyTension.com
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
The Road Less Traveled in Leadership with Mike Vacanti
The Higher Purpose Podcast’s new intro clarifies what the show is about and that it is for people who have chosen the road less traveled in business, in leadership and in life. Host Kevin Monroe says who better than Mike Vacanti to share the first conversation under this new banner? Mike is the first guest to appear on the show three times in a calendar year.
- Kevin congratulates Mike on the launch of his first book, Believership: The Superpower Beyond Leadership.
- Both Kevin and Mike choose not to accept commonly held beliefs or ‘best practices’ if those beliefs and practices do not make sense to them. Mike calls it having the strength to resist becoming someone else.
- Mike shares an experience of corporate culture, of “feeling that I had to conform and become one of them rather than the best of me.” To his mind, if you’re going to work together, you should enjoy the experience. His way of leading his team was producing high-level results, yet he was told they didn’t like his methods. It led him to make the difficult decision to leave the company in order to stay true to himself. He saw their entrenched ideas of how he should behave as a leader as authority, not leadership. The way he led his team was the way he believed leadership should be.
- Mike’s book, Believership, emerged from his exploration of the question, What happens because of me? He discovered that his teams performed well together because they all believed in what they were doing and they believed in each other. He comments that we’re in a new era of business so a lot about leadership needs to change. He wants to open up the dialogue about what that change looks like and what we need to discard to get there. Kevin admires that Mike’s approach is not prescriptive; rather, it is an invitation into a conversation.
- An idea from Mike’s book that Kevin loves is, Lift Others. Mike says that it is an intention that he starts each day with.
- There are repeatable things that we can do to make work better, Mike says, and we should apply those patterns. When they no longer work, we should look for alternatives. Mike is resistant to the term “best practices” as it’s often used as an authoritative statement - the one best way - which closes off ideas, creativity and ingenuity.
- Mike talks about his upcoming book launch event at VaynerMedia in New York City.
- We can do better, Mike says. Things can improve and we can lift others along the journey with us. He sees a decade of difference as an invitation to become excited about the challenges and opportunities in front of us. He encourages listeners to imagine how much we can accomplish this decade simply because of the technology and tools we have available to us.
- Kevin asks Mike to encourage listeners who may be facing difficult times. Mike responds that we need each other. As such, we should be there for one another. When we can support each other, especially when it’s most needed, we’re actually doing greater service. That is when we’re actually winning, he says.
- The road less traveled is lonely when you try to go it alone. When you realize that there are people on the same journey as you, it motivates you and gives you hope. There is a ripple effect that multiplies to others. Kevin sums it up in a phrase: Open hearts, love others, multiply impact.
- To become comfortable with only knowing the next step and taking it, Mike says we should realize that when we take that step forward, our vantage point changes. We can see more clearly what’s possible, and maybe the end result will be much better than what we imagined at the beginning.
Resources
Believership: The Superpower Beyond Leadership
Mike Vacanti on LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
Sailing To An Extraordinary Life with Piers Thurston
This week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast is mindset transformation coach, Piers Thurston. He joins host Kevin Monroe for what the latter calls “a unique, different kind of conversation.”
Your Best Life Is In The Arena
Kevin recently attended a football game that boasted a record crowd. He says he couldn’t escape the fact that over 100,000 people were in the stands, and millions more elsewhere, to watch 22 players. Only the players were in the arena while everyone else was somewhere else: either watching the action, waiting to get in on the action, commentating on the action or missing out on the action. If you’re committed to living an extraordinary life, Kevin says, there’s only one place that can happen, and that’s in the arena. He quotes the Man In The Arena speech by Theodore Roosevelt, “...The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…” He asks listeners, Are you in the arena? Life is not a spectator sport. Life is meant to be lived in the arena, so if you’re sitting in the stands, it’s time to change. Get on the field and play.
Who’s Not In The Arena
Kevin lists the different categories of people who are not in the arena:
- Tailgators - In the US people spend more time at tailgate parties than the actual game. For various reasons, they never actually go to the game, they stay in the parking lot. They are missing out on the action.
- Players on the bench - These are either specialist players who enter the field when it’s their turn to contribute or backup players. They’re just waiting for the coach to call them to the field. If you feel like you’re a backup, Kevin encourages you to get ready to go on the field. Your time is coming, he says.
- Players in the locker room - If you get injured or disabled on the field, you’re sent to the locker room. You have to sit the game out and you may even be licking your wounds. Don’t be discouraged, Kevin says. Once you have a pulse you have a purpose. You’re still living and breathing so you still have a contribution to offer the world. Get back in the arena.
- Penalty box - You may have made mistakes or disregarded the rules, and you’ve been sent to the penalty box. You too can get back in the game in time, Kevin says.
- Reporters - These are the people who comment on the game. You get to report the play by play action, but you’re not on the field. If you want to get in the game, you can. It may be as a coach or mentor but get in there regardless.
Are You In The Arena?
Kevin concludes this week’s show by encouraging listeners to ask themselves what’s keeping them out of the arena of life. The arena is where you will live your decade of difference. Don’t beat yourself up over your shortcomings, we all have some. Get in the arena and dare greatly.
Resources
Join the Joy Challenge
Book Your Decade of Difference
Email Kevin: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Call: 678-744-5111
Living Your Extraordinary Purpose with Cornell Thomas
Cornell Thomas, author of Extraordinary, was raised on the adage that everything happens for a reason. His mom taught him through her example that in difficult times, you look for a solution, you don’t quit. He joins Kevin Monroe to talk about finding his purpose and living an extraordinary life.
Listen to the Episode now:
In Finding Your Purpose, Even Baby Steps Are Steps
We’ve all had moments where we think we discovered our purpose in life. Cornell says that happened twice before he found his true purpose. He shares how his purpose changed from basketball player to coach, then to writer. Purpose is a journey, not a destination, Kevin says. Cornell agrees that it’s a journey because it’s never-ending. A destination means that you get there at some point, so it becomes a race to the finish line. There’s no finish line to what I do, he says, because my purpose is evolving every single day. The reason so many people don’t discover their purpose is because they either get discouraged or they think there’s nothing else they could do. There’s always another step, Cornell emphasizes. You have to fight for your purpose. Kevin adds that you just have to take one step, then another, and don’t quit. Even baby steps are steps, says Cornell.
You Are Extraordinary
You are extraordinary because there’s no one else like you or ever will be. So how can you not treat yourself as priceless? The difference between extraordinary and ordinary is that extra that you put in. What you do determines if your legacy becomes special. He asks listeners, who are the top three people who have influenced you in your life? Who would name you in their top three? If you’ve made someone’s top three, you’ve made a lasting impact on their life. That impact will last long after you’re gone, and they in turn may pass it on to their children. That’s legacy for Cornell. Legacy is not changing the world by yourself.
Who’s Your Mahalia?
We’ve bought into a fantasy that one person by themselves changes the world, Kevin comments. The reality is that no one does it alone. The sooner you figure out who your people are, the bigger the impact you will make together with them. He relates how it was Mahalia Jackson’s prompting Martin Luther King, Jr to tell the crowd about the dream, that led to his greatest speech. Who’s your Mahalia? Who is the person who sees your dream and helps you articulate it in a way you’ve never done before?
Getting Through Adversity
Kevin asks: what’s one thing that awakens an ordinary person to believe that life can be extraordinary? Cornell answers that for him, it has been adversity. After you’ve been through a difficult experience, you often ask yourself how you got through it. It awakens you and inspires you to make a change. If you’re in the middle of adversity, he advises you not to go it alone. Use your support network. First, ask yourself, Is this life or death? Then, what do I immediately have to start doing to slowly change my mindset? The third question to ask yourself is, Who can I bring along with me to hold me accountable for these action steps? There are going to be storms in life, Cornell says. But they are transitory and you can get through it.
Live, Love and Lead an Extra-Ordinary Life
In this week’s episode of the Higher Purpose Podcast, Kevin Monroe shares some insights to inspire listeners as a new decade approaches. He speaks about the power of a like-hearted community and leading an extra-ordinary life.
Listen to the Episode Now:
The Road Less Traveled
Kevin believes that, like himself, listeners have chosen the road less traveled, whether in business, leadership or life in general. A question he has been pondering is, what happens when we lose our way on this road? There aren’t any established markings or exits here, so maybe we’re not actually lost as we think. He asks, who do you call first when you’ve lost your way? If that person is not on the same road as you, their options may be very different from yours, so their advice would not be of much help to you. You should surround yourself with people who are on the same journey, Kevin admonishes. Be especially selective about who you allow into your life as a mentor and how much influence you allow them to have in your business and life, he warns, especially if their goals, beliefs, and values are diametrically opposed to your own.
The Power of a Like-Hearted Community
More and more, Kevin is recognizing how important it is to connect to a like-hearted community. We don’t have to think alike, but we must be wired alike at the heart, he says. We can’t change the universe by ourselves, we need to do it in community with people who are on the same road.
Long-Range Planning
Instead of the typical annual planning that we do, what if we think of the coming decade instead, Kevin suggests. Now you have 40 quarters to accomplish your goals, instead of just 4, and 3650 days instead of just 365. How would your plans change using this approach? If we take a decade-long mindset, we wouldn’t be in such a hurry to gain traction, we’d know we have lots of time.
Living an Extra-Ordinary Life
Many of us aspire to be extraordinary but we compare ourselves to other people, and we conclude that we’re just too ordinary. However, the path from ordinary to extra-ordinary is simple: it's doing ordinary things, but doing them with extra focus, flair and fervor. Suddenly, that life that we thought was ordinary is extra-ordinary. This extra-ordinary life is available to us all, Kevin says, and the gateway to it is gratitude. He invites listeners to think about 2020 as a decade of difference. To have that decade of difference, we need to focus more on who we are being and becoming than what we are doing and accomplishing. Embracing the extra-ordinary in business, leadership or life is the long road. Being faithful with it requires us doing it together as a community of like-hearted travelers.
Resources
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Email: kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Episode 37 - Story Driven with Bernadette Jiwa
Awakening to Purpose, Meaning, and Connection with Garry Turner
Garry Turner is this week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast. He is the host of the Value Through Vulnerability podcast and was a guest on Episode 90 of this show. Kevin describes him as a great connector of people. They discuss his awakening, how his life is different post-awakening and the joy of connecting.
Waking Up
Garry recently delivered a keynote address at the Ignite Conference in Switzerland. His topic was Waking Up to Purpose, Meaning, and Connection. Kevin asks why he used the term waking up. He replies that five years ago he had already achieved everything society said was important, but he had a hollow feeling in his heart. That was the start of his awakening. He realized that he was sleepwalking through life: he was only focusing on the outside and neglecting his inner self. He describes his awakening as a gradual process that included taking deliberate action but then experiencing burnout. It was his coach that led him to realize that the outside world didn’t cause his burnout, but that he did it to himself by believing that he was not good enough.
Life Post Awakening
When he accepted that he was the cause of his own burnout, Garry felt a release and freedom from feeling like a victim. He now believes that he is good enough. He does not attach his identity to making money or outside validation. He can now appreciate insights that did not mean much before. I just feel more vibrant, he says. He has more capacity and is more productive because he does not waste so much energy thinking that he is not enough. Kevin comments that we expend so much energy in fantasy conversations that don’t take us any place good. He asks Garry to speak to listeners who may be feeling inadequate or hopeless. Garry assures listeners that they are enough and to actively connect with other people. If you need a listening ear, he invites you to reach out to him or Kevin personally.
The Joy of Connecting
You feel a sense of belonging when you’re part of a community where you can connect with others and just be yourself. We’re all innately connected because we’re part of the human race, Garry says. If you think you don’t belong, you’re overthinking your way away from belonging. Kevin agrees with that assessment. He asks Garry whether his awakening prompted him to be a great connector, or if he has always been that way. Garry responds that he’s always been good at developing meaningful relationships, but his awakening made this ability more pronounced. For him, connecting people is more a flow state than an active energy. It’s very intuitive, he says. For Kevin, it’s a deep calling and almost like a duty. He says that it’s like he is responding to an invitation to do something and who knows the impact it might have! Everything opens up when you’re connected, Garry says. He experiences a transformation in his ability to be present and empathetic, to serve, and to love himself as part of the bigger system. His life is richer for just being open to all life has to offer.
Resources
Garry Turner on Twitter | LinkedIn
Email Garry: garry.turner@thelisteningorganisation.co.uk
Value Through Vulnerability podcast
Episode 90 of Higher Purpose Podcast
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Infusing Your Company with Culture with Kerry Wekelo
Kerry Wekelo is the Chief Operating Officer at Actualize Consulting, and author of Culture Infusion: 9 Principles for Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Organizational Culture. She chats with Kevin Monroe about how she helps her company and clients infuse a people-first culture into their organizations.
Listen to the Episode:
An Inside Out Perspective
Kerry explains that the book is a case study of Actualize and shows how they were able to turn around their culture from being focused on profits first, to people first. Kevin says that he appreciates that this book gives an inside out perspective.
Infusing Means Layering Flavors
As Kerry looks forward to 2020 she is thinking about what strategies she will improve on or new ones she will include. She emphasizes that you can’t just make a decision and never revisit it: it’s a constant, continuous journey of putting people first and keeping up with the times, similar to how you would layer flavors in a dish you are cooking. That’s why her book is called Culture Infusion. When Actualize decided to put their people first, they layered that principle into every touchpoint, such as their newsletter, their monthly All Hands calls, and even when Kerry checks in with new recruits. What we’re doing, she says, is a lot of little things that are infusing the people-first principle, and it’s really making a big difference. Throughout the organization people feel supported and appreciated.
Building From Your Heart
Kevin asks Kerry to unpack a quote from the book, “When it all comes down to it as the leader the most solid foundation on which you can build is your heart.” She explains that it’s important to check your gut instinct when you’re making decisions. She trusts her intuition then brings in the analytical business case.
Defining Culture
Both Kerry and Kevin share their definition of culture. To Kerry, culture is the pulse of the organization. Kevin defines culture as the way we do things around here. Kerry feels gratified that prospective employees all feel that what they heard about Actualize turns out to be true - that it’s a great place to work.
Principles They Live By
One of the nine principles Kerry discusses in her book is surveying the team. She says that they seek feedback on several topics throughout the year. They always let their employees know what they decided based on their feedback; and if they didn’t decide to do something, they let everyone know why. Kevin asks how her process has changed since she wrote the book. She comments that she has been focusing more on gratitude in the company as well as in her seminars.
Resources
Kerry Wekolo on LinkedIn | Twitter
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Call Kevin: 678-744-5111
Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
Executive coach and author of Are You Listening or Just Waiting to Speak, Jane Adshead-Grant is the guest on today’s show. She shares deep insights about listening with host Kevin Monroe, including why she discourages note-taking during conversations.
Listen to the Episode:
Don’t Take Notes
Kevin often creates some questions to ask podcast guests as a springboard to their conversation. While they are speaking, he jots down notes so that he remembers important points or ideas he wants to revisit. Jane discourages this practice. She says that instead of taking notes, he should trust himself. When you listen deeply, you’re allowing the speaker to continue to think and speak at their very best. You will remember the essential elements of what they said, she assures Kevin. To listen deeply, you must first be at ease with yourself as the listener; you must know that both speaker and listener have equal capacity to think, listen and share; and you must appreciate each other for the qualities that you see in one another.
The Gift of Time
Kevin asks what listeners can do to be more present in the conversation. Jane advises them to give themselves the gift of this time, free from judgment, distraction and interruption. Distraction can be both internal and external, she says. An example of internal distraction is when your mind wanders; she advises that you should mentally check yourself when this happens and bring your focus back to the conversation. The most common external distraction is the phone: just put it on silent. When you actively give your attention - paying attention is more passive and reactive, Jane says - you’re giving respect to the other person. You’re saying that in this moment they are more important than anything else.
Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
Jane writes in her book that we should let silence do the heavy lifting. Kevin asks her to unpack that statement. She explains that people need time to process questions or information. Giving them the opportunity to pause while they process their thoughts is a real gift. Humans think in waves and pauses: we have a wave of thinking, and then we naturally pause. If we allow that silence for long enough, the brain itself will soar once more in a new way, Jane says.
Don’t Interrupt
The brain receives an interruption like an assault, Jane reveals. One of the greatest things we can do is resist the urge to interrupt and allow the person to complete their thoughts, feelings and ideas. Interrupting prevents the person from flourishing into who they are meant to become. If you absolutely must interrupt, you should do it as gracefully as possible, while the person takes a pause. If you inadvertently interrupt someone, apologize.
Listening is a Gift
Jane reminds us that listening is a gift that is worth mastering because it shows how much you care. When you listen to someone to generate their best thinking, it frees them to be more, to create more, to feel more courageous. Whereas time is the currency of leadership, listening is the currency of relationship.
Resources
Longing for Belonging
Kevin Monroe has a one-on-one chat with listeners this week about our need for belonging. We are wired for belonging: we all have a desire to be seen, accepted, valued and loved for who we are, not what we have to become to earn approval or acceptance. Often however, we settle for just connection. Kevin discusses four aspects of this important subject: the beauty of belonging, barriers to belonging, the battle for belonging and the birthright of belonging.
Listen to the Episode:
The Epidemic of Loneliness
Most people have many ‘friends’, especially on social media, that they are connected to, yet loneliness has reached epidemic proportions. People may be socially connected, but they are lonely because they lack a sense of belonging. Loneliness is a greater health risk than obesity, Kevin says. The risk of dying from obesity is 30%, whereas the risk of dying from loneliness is 50% greater than that.
The Beauty of Belonging
Much of what humans do, according to a study by Baumeister and Leary, is in the service of belonging. Kevin invites listeners to reflect on the things they’ve done in order to belong. He states that there is beauty in belonging. What is that place of deep belonging for you, he asks. What are the memories and feelings you associate with that place? The best experience of belonging, he declares, is a place where no credentials are required. You feel a sense of home there.
Barriers to Belonging
There are many barriers to belonging, such as economic, social and institutional barriers. Perhaps the biggest barrier for most of us, Kevin says, is the personal barrier. We have this narrative running in our head that tells us that we don’t belong, and gives us the reasons why. When we enter a new place, we go in looking for resistance and rejection, and our confirmation bias ensures that that’s exactly what we see.
The Battle for Belonging
We have been sold a lie, mostly by mass media, that belonging is beautiful but only the beautiful belong. This idea is funded by billions of dollars to tell us that we don’t belong, but we can buy our way into belonging. But if we have to buy belonging, what happens when we can’t afford it any longer? We’re booted out. Kevin discusses the various ways we are made to battle for belonging.
The Birthright of Belonging
We belong, simply because we are part of the human race. It’s our birthright and we don’t have to do anything or buy anything to earn that right. Kevin says that we can’t make someone feel that they belong, but we certainly can create an environment where people feel welcome. Stop erecting artificial barriers and entrance exams that do more to keep people out than let them in. Look people in the eye, smile, shake hands, hug. Call them by name. See people and let them see you. Have conversations with people who are different from you. Don’t just stop at connection, Kevin says, move beyond it to belonging. Let’s create hospitable environments that welcome people and allow them to experience belonging.
Resources
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111
Barriers to Belonging report
Baumeister and Leary study
Have Fun Being Yourself
Kevin talks one-on-one with listeners in this week’s show. It has been 2.5 months since his last solo episode and he has a few thoughts he wants to share with the community.
Listen to the episode now:
His two most recent speaking engagements were the most fun for Kevin because, as he says, “It was the most me I've ever allowed myself to be.” He describes himself as a blue jeans guy, and it was the first time he allowed himself to wear jeans on stage, instead of a suit and tie. His keynote address was about the Superhero syndrome, which was discussed in episode 83 as well as in his Linkedin blog post titled Soft Skills Suck. Soft skills, he says, are really a misnomer because, in today's world of business and life, it takes people skills to succeed. That's the really hard stuff.
The audience responded well to his presentation and it made him realize that people are tired of being talked at. They want to have conversations. Showing up as his authentic self and having real conversations with his audience really made the experience special. Kevin challenges listeners: What do you want to do that is authentically you despite the expectations others have placed on you?
Overthinking and Underacting
Kevin talks about how the Gratitude Challenge began and where it has reached in such a short time. He is grateful that he took action on the idea instead of overthinking, over-preparing, and underacting as he would usually do. He urges listeners to take action on their ideas: make a minimally viable product, get it out there and see how people respond to it.
We’re All On the Verge
We all have times when we think: “By now I should…” These thoughts often lead nowhere good. When Kevin has these thoughts, as he recently did, he calls out in prayer and he reaches out to someone in person. This practice staves off what could have been a series of dark days. What came out of his conversation was that, in one way or another, we’re all on the verge of becoming what we’re capable of. He reflects about he would much rather have the words He was on the verge written on his tombstone than the words He quit.
The Liminal State
The liminal state is the state between what was and what will be. We are not who we were, yet we've not fully become who we are in the process of becoming. We often express this as: “I will be _____ when _____.” Kevin says that if we believe that we will only be successful when something happens, that day will never come. The moment we reach that milestone we move the bar higher. We should say instead: “I am ______ now, because _______.” Even though you may not have or be all that you want at this moment, there are still many things that are beautiful in your life.
Resources
Join the Gratitude Challenge
Kevin@higherpurposepodcast.com
Phone: 678-744-5111