Finding Life Purpose Through a WHY Conversation
Have you ever wondered what might have been relative to your life purpose -- if only? You gotta be careful with those two words. “If only…” can either be a springboard to action or the slippery slope down to a deep, dark, and desperate hole where you begin to wallow in pity and regret.
What You're About to Read...
This is a unique post. At least for me, it is. I did not want to write TO you about this topic; I wanted to talk WITH you. I want to share the things I hope I would say if we were engaged in an “If only” conversation. Immediately, I was inspired to write this post as if someone transcribed our conversation. That is what follows.Let me set the stage.You are free to imagine us seated wherever it is you like to go for rich and robust conversation. If I were with my friend Tony Kim, it would be a late afternoon on the patio at Parker’s Lighthouse on Queensway Bay in Long Beach, California where The Queen Mary is docked. We stumbled on Parker's over 10 years ago and go there whenever possible.But like I said, you paint the picture that works best for you. Maybe we are tucked away in the corner of that quaint coffee shop down the street. Or on a bench in the park, sitting under a gazebo, atop a mountain, or by the sea. All of those are great — take your pick.Since I’m the one writing, we are sitting on our screened-in porch with a gentle breeze blowing through the trees, birds singing, and insects chirping.It’s where I am sitting right now as I write this. And those are the sounds I hear at this exact moment. Oops, nature was just interrupted by the air conditioner kicking on. It’s summer in the South, and I am so grateful for AC on a hot day. But I digress.
Listening In
“Oh, there you are. Thanks for stopping by.”We pour a cup of coffee, share some casual chit-chat, and then settle into the wicker chairs and begin to get closer to the real topics that are weighing heavy on your heart and mind.I begin, “So, what’s on your mind?”You respond by saying, “Well, Kevin, life just hasn’t turn out the way I expected.”“Oh? What did you expect?”That takes you off guard for a moment. There is silence. I let the silence hang in the air. You squirm in the chair. You look down; you look out the windows. You stare at the trees for a few moments.I sense the discomfort. I want to step in and say something to break the tension. But I don’t. I remember what I learned from Fierce Conversations.
Let silence do the heavy lifting.
As uncomfortable as it is, I bite my tongue and listen.You seem stirred. I sense you holding back some emotions. Then, finally, you break the silence.“Wow, it’s been a long time since I have given that any thought.”“Given what any thought?”, I ask.“What, and how, I expected life to be.” Again, you are struggling, perhaps even stifling some strong emotions.“Please say more,” I implore. I lean in a little as I can tell you are about to say something profound. And personal.“I guess you would call it the dream I had. It’s what you said about how I expected life to be. I once had a dream and my life was going to be very different than it turned out.”“Yeah, mine too. Radically different. I have sat where you’re sitting now and probably processed some of those same thoughts and emotions you are processing now.”“Really? And here I thought it was just me. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself lately. It looks like everyone else has it all figured out, and their life is going according to the plan. Or much closer to the plan than mine.”“Hmm.” [Just you? I want to ask, Did someone slip something into your coffee? Surely you know better than that. But I exercise restraint.]Because I remember having that exact thought when I sat where you’re sitting. So instead, I follow-up with, “Tell me more about that, if you will.”You go deeper into the personal details. Confidentiality prevents me from sharing more about that here. After you’ve unloaded a lot of what’s on your mind, you look at me — you’ve been looking down for a long time now, not comfortable with any eye contact. But now you ask, “So, is it too late for me? Have I missed out on living my why?”“Absolutely not! Do you have a pulse?”“Say what? I’m sitting here aren’t I? We’re talking to one another. Of course, I have a pulse!”“Well, if you have a pulse, then you’ve got a purpose. If you’re done, your dead. Since you’re still alive, there’s time, and there’s still hope.”“Great!” You say with a mixture of relief and confusion. “But what do I do now?”“Yes! You’ve got it!”At this moment, your brow is furrowed, and you are deeply puzzled. “Got it, got what?”“NOW, you must do something now. Now is the only time you have.”[clickToTweet tweet="Now is the perfect time to take the next step towards your #WHY; it’s the only time." quote="Now is the perfect time to take the next step towards living your WHY; it’s the only time."]“Oh, I see, I need to take action now while all of this is fresh and I’m energized and motivated. So, back to my question, What do I do, now?”“Ah, that depends. Back to those dreams, you said you had years ago, what part of that feels most like you now?”Again, due to time and confidentiality, we’ll omit those details. Suffice it to say; you reconnected with the dream from earlier in life — or at least parts of it.“Let’s discuss one more thing before you have to leave today. Who is there to help you with the next steps?”You look a bit puzzled, “Who is here to help me? You mean I don’t have to do it all myself?”“BINGO, actually you can’t do it all by yourself. Living your WHY is best done in community with others. Who are your others?”You quickly rattle off a few names. They flowed so fast that you were surprised to imagine so many people willing to help you.“Now, what’s the next step you are going to take and when will you take it?”You list your action plan. “I am calling Tom as soon as I leave here and see how soon he can grab lunch. Tomorrow morning, I am carving out some time to journal. You know I used to journal, but it’s been too long. I’ll write about my dreams and desires. And then we’ll arrange a date night this weekend, and I’ll share this conversation with Susan.”“How can I help?”“Oh, you’ve provided plenty of help already. I know my next steps for now. Can I call you if/when I get stuck.”“Of course, you can.”
Was That You I Was Talking With?
I hope you enjoyed our conversation. Let me share the key points in case you missed them.[clickToTweet tweet="The takeaways: It’s not too late. You can’t go it alone! You must start now." quote="1) It's not too late. 2) You can't go it alone. 3) You must start now."]Let’s bring this back to you. After all, this is about you and your WHY.What next step can you take right now towards living your WHY?It can be as simple as:
- Writing down your dream.
- Phoning a friend.
- Scheduling an appointment.
- Finding a group of like-minded people to encourage you on your journey.
- If you've not yet downloaded your free copy of The 5 Questions You Must Answer To Align Yourself With Your Higher Purpose, it will help you find the clarity you need.
Here’s a very simple next step that you can do right now and will only take a few minutes. I dare you to scroll down and leave a comment describing the next step you commit to taking. That “puts it out there” and demonstrates courage, commitment, and invites accountability — three things we all need to continue our progress.Looking for an online community of like-minded people? Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group and engage with someone there.
Shoutouts
A tweet from @DebraMJacobs "Reminder that with a pulse, we have a purpose" has swirled in my mind for about a week now.Fierce Conversations is an excellent book and course developed by Susan Scott. Learn more here.If you are familiar with The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier you might recognize his influence here. If not, it's a recommended read.The photo credit belongs to mast3r and was procured from DepositPhotos.com