Some Really Bad News for Jerk Bosses

The reign of the jerk boss is over. That’s great news…unless of course, you ARE a jerk boss, or you have a jerk boss. If you are a jerk boss, you might be wondering, what’s next for you? Of course, it’s highly unlikely that many jerk bosses are reading this…because one reason they are a jerk boss is they think they know it all and see no need to invest in personal or professional development.Now, for those of you that have a jerk boss, that’s another story. You might even be thinking me a Pollyanna for suggesting their reign has ended because your boss has exhibited jerkiness in the last hour.  And oh, how you are ready for them to be deposed, dethroned, and exiled.That day is coming. Not fast enough for you right now if you still have a jerk boss. But it’s arriving sooner than you may think.Let me explain.The reign of the jerk boss may not be completely over yet, at least not everywhere. But it has already ended in most progressive companies and is fading rapidly in many others, as corporations and their leaders enter a new age of enlightenment.Not that long ago companies identified themselves in one of two categories. They were either Business-to-Business (B2B) or Business-to-Consumer (B2C) or both B2B and B2C. The enlightenment that has spread like wildfire is the realization that employees are people, real people and must be treated with dignity and respect. One result is the humanization of work and workplaces.The realization is, every business, whether they once classified themselves as B2B or B2C, is actually an H2H or P2P enterprise. That is, they are human-to-human or people-to-people entities.[clickToTweet tweet="Corporations and businesses do not establish and maintain #relationships, people within them do." quote="Corporations and businesses do not establish and maintain relationships, people within them do." theme="style5"]As with most revolutions, the speed of adoption varies. Fortunately, we’ve moved beyond the early adopters and are seeing the humanization of work become mainstream with increased acceptance among both early majority and late majority companies.Laggard organizations remain. They still welcome jerk bosses and allow them to berate and belittle employees. But let’s hope those laggards soon join the revolution or go the way of the rotary dial telephone and 8-track tapes.Now, we celebrate leaders who are creating vibrant cultures and healthy workplaces where people pursue purpose, thrive and grow as individuals, and preserve the planet for future generations — all while making a reasonable profit.New skill sets are needed to thrive in the H2H age. Chief among them is authenticity; so much so that Harvard Business Review declared, “Authenticity has become the gold standard for leadership” (Jan-Feb 2015 edition).

Assessing Authenticity 

Who races to the front of the line in your mind when you are asked to identify a leader you admire for their authenticity?I’ve got two hunches about your attraction to that person and your admiration for them as an authentic leader.First, you experienced them as a harmonious leader. By that I mean, what you saw and heard from them externally was in harmony with who they were internally. They were congruent.Second, you resonated with them as a leader. Something inside of you reverberated (moved to the same frequency) with what you experienced in and through them. You identified with them and were drawn in to enjoy more of what they had to offer through their leadership in the same way the sound of live music compels you to find its source and linger as you listen.These leaders are authentic and their authenticity resonated with you forming a connection and a bond between you and them.The authenticity test is the degree to which a leader’s words and actions are in harmony with who they are as a leader (the person, not the position).When the inner self and outward expression are on the same frequency, there is HARMONY — authenticity for that leader. When what you see, hear, and experience of a leader resonates with something inside you — there is RESONANCE — you are in sync with them and most likely are eager to follow because of that powerful combination of harmony and resonance.[clickToTweet tweet="#Authentic leaders are rapidly displacing and replacing jerk bosses. Hallelujah! " quote="Authentic leaders are rapidly displacing and replacing jerk bosses. Hallelujah! " theme="style5"]

Amping Up Your Authenticity

How do you amp up your authenticity? I love that question. Here are two ways to help:

1. Join the Authentic Leadership Summit. It’s going on now, and you can catch the remaining sessions including mine that airs this Friday, April 14. Here’s where you can join in for free.

2. Download your free copy of Discovering Your Authentic Leadership. A new tool I developed expanding what you’ve read here along with a worksheet to help you get in touch with your authentic self.

Oh, if you happen to have a jerk boss or your company still provides a safe harbor for jerk bosses, it might be time to move on and join a company that values their people too much to tolerate jerk bosses. Life is too short to work for a jerk boss.If you are a leader, join the Authentic Leader Revolution. I bet you already have.

Outsourcing Nightmares: 5 Things You're Better Off Doing Yourself

Ever had an outsourcing nightmare? You know the kind of ‘help’ calls that are anything but helpful, and suddenly you hear words coming out of your mouth that would prompt your mother to grab a bar of soap.If your experience was truly a nightmare, it might have provoked you to the point of issuing threats against the company that limits your future air travel options.Hopefully, you didn’t go that far. I might have come close a time or two several years ago. Thank God, I’ve mellowed some since then.Last week I realized how pervasive outsourcing has become. It’s not just large corporations that have embraced outsourcing. Perhaps you’ve jumped on the outsourcing bandwagon and didn’t even realize it.My discovery came while working out at the gym. I was listening to Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. It’s a delightful book, written in Anne’s inimitable style overflowing with her wit and wisdom.There I was in the gym, gliding on the elliptical and listening to the chapter on publication. Suddenly, I heard something that jolted the rhythm of my cadence. I grabbed the phone, hit the rewind button to see if I heard her correctly.Yep, I did hear correctly. I listened one more time and texted myself the sentence so that I could ponder it later. Pondering that sentence is what prompted this post.

Being enough was going to have to be an inside job.

In context, Anne’s point was that many aspiring writers long for the day when they will have their work published. They mistakenly believe that getting published will resolve their issues with insecurity.[clickToTweet tweet="You can’t outsource your identity without losing it. " quote="You can’t outsource your identity without losing it. " theme="style6"]

Five Things You Better Not Outsource

Is there something you’ve attempted to outsource that can’t really be outsourced? Here are five things you can’t effectively outsource:Happiness. Hopefully, you’ve figured this out. But many people haven’t. When you engage in conversation, you quickly discover they have pinned their personal happiness to an external event — usually something far off in the future and way beyond their control. Not gonna work.Abundance. When you embrace a poverty mindset, getting more will never be enough. Abundance is recognizing you are enough and already have enough to do what you are called to do.[clickToTweet tweet="#Abundance is a #mindset, not a bank balance." quote="Abundance is a mindset, not a bank balance." theme="style6"]Authenticity. You will never find your authentic self or voice if you are always copying others. It’s admirable to have heroes and role models, but let them inspire you to be the best you, you can be. Do not attempt to become a cheap imitation of someone else.  Be you. Only you can be.Courage. Ultimately, the courage to act must take up residence inside you. It is true that others can encourage you, but others are not always around and sooner, or later, you have to develop your own internal sources of courage. If you outsource your courage, you will find yourself waiting for someone else to come light your fire or start your engine.Compassion. It’s awesome to have so many nonprofit organizations in communities caring for people who are struggling. But it’s a mistake to think you can outsource your compassion to someone else. The word compassion comes from the Greek language, σπλαγχνίζομαι (splagchnizomai). It means to feel or be moved in the inward parts. Compassion is something you feel and experience deep inside of you that moves you to action. True, it may result in writing a check or making a credit card donation that funds the work of another, but it also may require you to get personally involved and directly connected with those you want to serve.The real outsourcing nightmare is attempting to have someone else do something for you that only you can do. If you’ve given someone else the responsibility for anything on this list, take it back, NOW.It’s your responsibility. As listening to Anne Lamott reminded me, being enough is an inside job. Own it, don’t outsource it.

The Purpose Manifesto

For years, I've been fascinated by the topic of purpose. Maybe it's because I'm a Baby Boomer or perhaps it was attending mandatory chapel services three times a week at Asbury during my freshman year of college. After all, it seemed that every other chapel speaker addressed the Why Are We Here question in one way or another.Earlier this year, I launched the Living Your WHY Facebook Group. It's a global community of people passionate about pursuing purpose. Since launching our community, I have engaged in countless conversations related to purpose.All of that led to my writing The Purpose Manifesto, a small e-book  inviting you to give serious consideration to the why question of your life. Actually, my goal for The Purpose Manifesto is bigger. I want to move you to action and inspire you to start Living Your WHY.Honestly, my goal is even larger still. I hope you will get so excited about your WHY that you invite others to do the same.Let's launch a movement!Who knows? Part of your response may prompt you to join the Living Your WHY community. We'd love to have you join us. If you're not already a member, consider this your invitation to join us. To get your free copy of The Purpose Manifesto provide your information below and we will send your copy ASAP.[convertkit form=4955866]

Authenticity: Must You Become A Poet?

True confession. I’ve always struggled with poetry. For some reason, I thought it was highbrow and hoity-toity. Don’t ask me about the origins of my opinion, as I am not sure I understand it or can explain.It probably had something to do with struggles reading poetry aloud in school and having far more childhood exposure to Mad Magazine than either the New Yorker or The Atlantic.But now, I am on a quest to become a poet. It’s not that I seek to master rhythmic verse and iambic pentameter. That might be a bit of a stretch for me.Perhaps it’s more accurate to say; I am seeking to follow the advice of one particular poet.I find great solace and solidarity with e.e. cummings in "A Poet’s Advice".

    A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feeling through words.    This may sound easy. It isn’t.    A lot of people think or believe or know they feel - but    that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is feeling-    not knowing or believing or thinking.    Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single    human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think    or your believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment    you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.    To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best,    night and day, to make you everybody else-means to    fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; andnever stop fighting.

That poem was written before I was born, yet as I read it now, I hear e.e. cummings shouting the existential challenge of millions in our day. To be nobody-but-yourself.

The battle to be you...and only you

Think of it as the authenticity challenge. To be you, the one-and-only real you. 100% genuine and authentic. No imitations.We have always had external forces and voices seeking to shape societal norms to conform and confine you to be somebody other than yourself. In today’s world, those voices are amplified and magnified. Many times over.When e.e. cummings first penned those words (1958), radio was the most prevalent form of mass media. Television was still making it meteoric rise. By 1960, nine out of ten US homes had just one television. Most of those televisions had only three channels and the screens turned to snow at midnight after playing the National Anthem.Now, with the advent of smartphones, most US homes today have about ten screens and 90% of all media is consumed via a screen of some sort and 38% of it via smartphones.And with the rise of new media, and specifically social media, you now have immediate, and persistent, access to an ocean of opinions of the somebody-other-than-yourself you should be.Those opinions include:What you should believe,How you should think,How you should dress,What movies or music you should like,Where, and how, you should eat, play, or vacation,Who you should hang out with,What you should value, andHow you assess and assign a value to yourself.I hear cummings say that there are plenty of people willing to teach you to “think or believe or know” how or what to feel.You know what others expect of you, but you don’t know:

who you really are, 

what you truly want, or 

how you feel.

That, my friend, is the authenticity crisis. And it is paralyzing millions. Maybe even you.On top of that, you find it hard to believe that you, YOU are unique.That you are one-of-a-kind, which while it’s true that somewhere you have a doppelgänger, nowhere is there a replica of you. Not a chance.The quest, should you choose to accept it is, to discover the real you. The nobody-but-yourself you. And then fight to be the one and only you.

How do you do that?

First, believe you are unique. And that you are uniquely formed, fashioned, or created -- whatever word works best for you.Second, commit to discovering the real you. This task will require some introspection and perhaps even some conversations with close friends or a confidant. Answer the questions: what do you really want out of life? What gives you joy?Find somewhere to write -- in your journal, Evernote, or somewhere and write five answers to this question, “If you really knew me, you would know...”Speaking of authenticity, here are a few of my answers to that question:If you really knew me, then you would know...

• I am a Christ-follower.
• I want to be admired most by those who know me best.
• My favorite clothes are bluejeans. If I could, I’d wear them every day.
• I have Celiac Disease and follow a strict gluten-free diet.
• I have struggled with insecurity and had bouts of depression.
• I am an introvert. While I love being around people, I must have time alone to recharge.

As you get to know me better, there’s more to tell. Just as there is with you. But you don’t put it all out there early in a relationship.Third, find a circle of people who love the authentic you and support you being the best you, you can be. You do the same for them.Fourth, stop listening to the other voices. That may require you to change your circle of friends, limit your time on social media, or sign off entirely for a season.There’s more. Much more. But hopefully, this will get you started on the journey.[clickToTweet tweet="Living authentically isn’t always easy, but it’s always worthwhile. #authenticity" quote="Living authentically isn’t always easy, but it’s always worthwhile."]

Discover the real you

I’m not sure about my quest to become a poet, but I do want to live authentically and cummings advice applies to all of us who share that desire.Hear the closing lines of "A Poet’s Advice",

Does this sound dismal? It isn't. It's the most wonderful life on earth.

I hope you find the most wonderful life on earth and know your deepest joy by living it.Discovering your authentic self is part of what’s needed for living your WHY and sharing your unique contribution to the world, your world.If discovering your authentic self and Living Your WHY are something you want help with, contact me or enter your name and email below. We are forming group coaching groups now that will launch right after the holidays to help you live your WHY more fully in 2017. Enter your name and email if you want to know more.[convertkit form=4935892]Credits:

Image by Ellerslie and obtained from DepositPhotosTelevision stats -  http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2007/TamaraTamazashvili.shtmlSmartphone stats - http://techatlast.com/average-number-of-screens-in-home-increased/

Coming to Terms With Where You Are When You Wish You Were Somewhere Else

Have you ever found yourself somewhere you never intended to be and wondered how you got there?I wish I could honestly say, “I have no experience in this area.” In actuality, it’s one I am quite familiar with. My most recent experience was…oh yeah, yesterday.It was like I received a special, engraved invitation:

"You are cordially invited to a party. A pity party.”

No party clothes needed. Sackcloth and ashes will do just fine. No RSVP needed, just show up. NOW.It was a weak moment. I accepted the invitation.I showed up. As I looked around, it was all so familiar. It wasn’t any strange sort of deja vu. The truth is, if you’ve been to one pity party, you know they are all pretty much the same.No sooner than I had arrived, I realized I did not belong nor would I find any joy by attending this party. [clickToTweet tweet="There is no joy at a pity party." quote="There is no joy at a pity party."]Fortunately, I received another invitation at about the same time. It was a phone-a-friend lifeline. “Hey Kevin, got a minute to talk?”I left the pity party early and jumped on the call. As we talked, somehow I was suddenly reminded of my favorite words from Teddy Roosevelt. Words that often sneak their way into client sessions and presentations. Simple, yet profound words.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

That’s the only choice any of us has, isn’t it?While you may eagerly wish you were somewhere else with different surroundings and situations, you are where you are. At least for now. The good news is, you don’t have to stay there. And, you are not alone. Sooner, or later, most of us find ourselves somewhere other than where we wish we were. I was reminded of this, recently, as I listened to Melanie Dale talking about her latest book, It’s Not Fair, Learning to Love the Life You Didn’t Choose.I loved her talk and the title of her book. While I could not relate to her specific situations, I fully related to her sentiments. Most of us can. When was the last time you said, “It’s not fair” about something in life? If you are too cool to say it out loud, when was the last time you thought it?So, what do you do when you find yourself somewhere other than where you wish you were? That takes us back to the wise words from Teddy. I’ll unpack them in reverse order.

Where Are You?

The first step is to assess exactly where it is that you are.For years, I’ve been intrigued that the first recorded question attributed to God in the Bible is the question, “Where are you?” Adam had eaten the forbidden fruit, felt the weight of guilt for the first time in human history, and consequently skipped his daily visit with God. God went looking for Adam and called out, “Where are you?” Well, if you subscribe to the notion, as I do, that God is omniscient, then you realize the question was asked for Adam’s benefit, not for God’s. That is often the case when someone asks, “Where are you?” You know you are not where you want to be, but you may not be exactly sure of where you are or how you got there. The “where are you” question may be a wake-up call for you assess where you are — geographically, emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually. Next, accept where you are. And where you are not. Most likely this may require you to revisit expectations — yours or others. As William Shakespeare wisely opined,

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

Reconcile your expectations so you can embrace the reality of your current situation. Then, and only then, can you accept where you are and make plans for relocating.

What Do You Have?

Then, inventory your assets. Regardless of how impoverished you might feel at this exact moment, you have assets. I am not talking about your bank account and 401k, but your skills, talents, and abilities that only you have in the precise mix and measure as you do. [clickToTweet tweet="It is far easier to see what you lack than treasure what you have." quote="It is far easier to see what you lack than treasure what you have."]You can do this formally through a myriad of skill or strength assessments. Many people have found great benefit from the StrengthsFinder assessment. Or you can do it informally. Pull out a sheet of paper and begin listing those things that come naturally to you. If you are struggling to identify your strengths, contact a group of friends and ask them, “What is it that I do that amazes you?”I’ve done that and been amazed at the responses.Celebrate your uniqueness. You are one of a kind. No one is exactly like you and has the same blend of wit, wisdom, and wonder like you. That means that you are uniquely formed and fashioned to make a unique contribution to the world that only you can make. And we need you to make it!Activate your intention. Deep within you is a dream, a desire. I call it your WHY and Living Your WHY is the reason you are here. Determine that living your WHY is what you desire most and declare it. Write it down. Speak it out. Go after it.

What Can You Do?

Take action. Do something. NOW! Even if it is a baby step, take it. And do it now. Now is the only time you have. “Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do now.” Great advice whether it originated with Thomas Jefferson or Benjamin Franklin. [clickToTweet tweet="Seeds sown today will take root, begin to grow, and produce a harvest. But only if you plant them." quote="Seeds sown today will take root, begin to grow, and produce a harvest. But only if you plant them."]Do not despise the day of small beginnings. Don’t let what you cannot do keep you from doing what you can. Write. Talk. Think. Dream. Connect. Create. Discuss. Explore. Just do it! Now. What will you do and where will you go? Who knows? I hope you enjoy the journey. Keep me posted on your progress.Do you want to stay posted on all things Living Your WHY? Subscribe here:[convertkit form=4898504]We hate spam. We promises not to share your information with anyone.

How Now Shall We Work - Faith@Work Summit 2016

It's the final day of the Faith@Work 2016 (#FAWS16) Summit in Dallas, Texas. I am attendng through the gracious invitation of my friend, Devin Marks. What an exciting few days it has been gathered there with about 400 others from around the world to explore the implications of faith AT work with some of the best and brightest minds and most compassionate hearts.This convocation is specifically exploring the Christian faith at work since this is a gathering of Christians or Christ-followers (the identity I prefer.)F@W16  has included plenty of rousing presentations from the stage in aTED-like format of 15-minute talks from a variety of presenters each discussing an “idea worth spreading.”  These talks sparked plenty of stimulating conversations during the breakout sessions, in the halls, and spilled over into dinner and late night discussions.Here am I at 3:30 Saturday morning when I should be sleeping and instead, my mind is overstimulated from the discussions of these past few days and dozens of thoughts running through my mind.At times like these when sleep evades me, I find it best to get up and write. To wrestle these ideas to print.John Beckett, in the opening talk of the Summit, talked about the challenge of Greek dualism from the secular/sacred divide that is a root of the problem for so many when it comes to Faith@Work. I experienced this years ago when I worked for an entrepreneur who was new to the faith and very vocal about it…well, at least on Sundays. Yet as a new believer, his faith had not yet impacted many of his questionable business practices. It was those sketchy business practices the other six days of the week that troubled me most.These issues came to a head, and finally, I inquired about a couple of his most egregious practices. Now, some 30 years later I still vividly recall his response, “Oh, that’s business!”He lived in that dualistic divide and unfortunately, never managed to bridge the gap.Unscrupulous practices like that illustrate another dimension to the dualistic split. We must cross the chasm between right thinking and right doing on the topics of F@W. Right thinking, or what might be labeled orthodoxy and then there’s the right doing or orthopraxy. It’s what Lisa Slayton of the Pittsburgh Leadership Foundation alluded to when she said,

Faith@Work must become a movement of the heart, not just the head.

For the F@W movement to thrive and truly have the impact in the marketplace that we want it to have, we must marry right thinking and right action. We must embrace orthodoxy and orthopraxy.And that is what has me wide awake this Saturday morning. Perhaps, others are still gathered somewhere having these conversations, and if I knew where they were, I could join them. Instead, here I sit in my hotel room, thinking out loud.So, I do what I know to do when thoughts like these lock in head and sleep evades me. I get up and write.If…or perhaps the better way to frame the question is when we are serious our Faith@Work, how does that manifest? [clickToTweet tweet="When we are embracing orthodoxy and orthopraxy about #FAWS16, what is different in our workplaces?" quote="When we are embracing orthodoxy and orthopraxy about F@W, what is different in our workplaces?"]What is different about:

The culture of your workplace?

The way you design compensation and benefits packages?

Your hiring practices?

Your approach to employee evaluation?

Your approach to talent development?

Your approach to leadership and leadership development?

How you handle difficult situations and crucial conversations?

What’s different about encounters with customers and the customer experience?

Amy Sherman of the Sagamore Institute issued a threefold challenge to:

Cultivate the creational purpose and intent about work.

Restore what’s broken in the workplace. 

Imagine what the ultimate future of work looks like and yank a foretaste of that into the now. 

[clickToTweet tweet="When we cultivate, restore, and imagine F@W, we will then know, how now shall we work. " quote="When we cultivate, restore, and imagine a thriving F@W world, we will then know, how now shall we work. "]Fortunately, we are not without exemplars and examples of Faith at Work. There are bright spots from which we can learn.If you are wondering how might your culture be different when faith is at work, what if you too adopted a no-gossip policy as they have at Ramsey Solutions (Dave Ramsey)? That shows up in the conversations over coffee and at lunch.On the topic of customer experience, look at Chick-Fil-A and how they are as relentless about innovation as they are hospitality. They are at the forefront of excellence in customer experience and being the premier restaurant for families. CFA provides free ice cream to award customers for digital-distraction free dining. Restaurant patrons, especially those with young children can order ahead using the app and have their meal ready when they arrive and have it delivered to their table to enhance the dining experience for eating out with your young children.  That is a result of F@W.I don’t know the answers to all of these questions. But hey, this is F@W16, and some of the best and brightest minds, the luminaries of the F@W world are here. As we move forward on this journey, I am confident that we will see companies answering these questions and finding myriads of ways that combine the best thinking and the best doing of F@W.If you are not able to attend in person, you can join in via the live streaming for the final day of discussions.

Tapping into the Power of Reflection

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Soren Kierkegaard

Living forward is a mindset that occurs in the now. You do realize now is the only moment that you have in which to live, right? You can’t live in the past. Too many have tried, none have succeeded. Nor can you live in the future. But the past can be a window into the future.[clickToTweet tweet="You can review the past to inform what you do now to obtain a more desirable result in the future. " quote="You can review the past to inform what you do now to obtain a more desirable result in the future."]See how that works?Socrates added,

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Your life is worth living, isn’t it?Since you (and me) only have one life to live. And, you want to make your life count (I believe you do or you would not be reading this), then do yourself a favor, carve out some time for reflection and examine your life.And just in case you are one of those living life in the fast lane, who doesn’t have time to slow down, even for a moment. Let me remind you of the wise words from Gandhi, “Speed is irrelevant if you’re going in the wrong direction.”

Yes, But How?

As with so many things in life, there is not one best way to approach reflection. Adopt an explorer’s approach and try several options until you find what works best for you. Recently, I asked members of the Living Your WHY Community about their personal practices or places for reflection. Several mentioned journaling as their preferred practice. Some keep a gratitude journal. Others create a daily list of things for which they are grateful. I journal. Almost every day. For part of my journaling, I use a list of questions. Yes, the same questions as a guide for daily journaling. The first question is, “What do I choose to celebrate from yesterday?” You can always find something to celebrate, even on the worst of days — which don’t happen often, but when they do, they pass and today is a new day. ‘Choose to celebrate’ is a deliberate word choice. Celebration is a choice. A mindset.Other reflective practices shared by LYW members included taking daily outdoor walks. For some, like Jean-Marc, it’s a daily hike up the mountain. Others mentioned walking around the lake, through the woods, and for some, it was just in their neighborhood. Wherever you are going, carving out some time to get away from the distractions and noise of daily life will usually help you reflect.

When is a Good Time to Reflect?

You could incorporate reflection as a daily practice. Or, you might choose to adopt some periodic reviews: weekly, monthly, quarterly, or annual reviews. You can mix and match multiple types of reviews for different times and purposes.Perhaps you reflect on the highlights of a period of time to assess your progress towards a goal. You might conduct daily reviews to monitor your progress towards incorporating a new habit or ensure you are living in harmony with your values. All are helpful. You might find it useful to pause for a review after significant events — regardless of the outcome. After-action reviews are beneficial to analyze what led to the success of an event. Or to consider the learning moments when things don’t go as well as you had hoped. Learning moments is a label for mistakes I got from my friend, Garry Ridge.

How Will You Benefit?

Your results may vary. I know it sounds like the fine print from an investment prospectus or commercial for a weight loss program, but it is true. Results will vary and will increase as you continue your commitment to reflection.Here’s a short list of what you might experience:

• Gain perspective on events and more quickly put things into perspective.
• Detect patterns. Honing this skill may even allow you to predict results.
• Manage your emotions.
• Learn from mistakes.
• Recognize areas where you have grown.
• Generate new options and ideas.
• Get a new job. Say what?

Recently, I had a conversation with Jason as he was wrapping up a year-long leadership development program that had introduced him to Servant Leadership and reflection. He shared how incorporating reflection into his life was the single best change he made through the program. It even resulted in a new job. Why? Because he spent time reflecting on how he approached the interview and changed his approach. Bingo!It also resulted in spending more time with his family, better relationships at work, less time at work (the new job has a cap on hours), and unlimited vacation. Remember, your results may vary, but Jason’s results should inspire you to incorporate reflection into your life.

When Will You Begin?

[clickToTweet tweet="Now is the best time! In truth, now is the only time." quote="Now is the best time! In truth, now is the only time."]Start now. Pause, right now, and ask yourself a question, “What do I choose to celebrate?” Or, “What did I learn?”Schedule time for regular reflection. Choose whether daily, weekly, or monthly are best for you right now. Put it on your calendar. How you have benefitted from meditation? Or, if you are new to reflection, what is your goal for reflection?[convertkit form=4929748]

But What If You Could Meditate?

This week I have the privilege of introducing Susan Axelrod as our guest blogger on meditation. Her Meditative Space has been invaluable to me, and I knew I would be remiss if I didn't ask her to contribute to our series on meditation. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge with us, Susan!

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“I can’t meditate.”“But what if you could?”“I can’t. I just can’t quiet my mind.”I said this for years when people suggested that meditation would help me reduce my anxiety. Now, I hear it from clients in my own coaching practice.For many people, the word meditation is a trigger word. As soon as they hear it, negative feelings like failure or frustration arise accompanied by the thought: “My mind is too cluttered, I can’t quiet my monkey-mind like that.” Or was that just me?I wonder if anyone tried to help me understand the benefits of meditation? Probably. But I was too anxious to actually hear what they were trying to tell me.I was suffering.For years, I was on fire with ambition and this resulted in personal and work pile-on, constant ‘have-tos’ and ‘shoulds,’ and even then, a passion for wanting to make a difference in the world. Even now, I can feel the memory of shallow breathing and sense of urgency to get ‘there.’My ability to find my inner calm came from a deep desire to not feel anxious, to not feel constantly behind, to not feel in chaos.

My true success came when I learned the benefit of focusing on what I wanted, instead of what I didn’t want.

The combination of 1) being in such an unsatisfied personal space, 2) learning about the power of thought, 3) using Affirmations and 4) focusing on what I wanted led me to seek out tools that I could use effectively to get into the place I really WANTED TO BE. Creating Meditative Space was one of the tools.It took me a decade or more. That’s why I’m writing this blog post. To help you find it today.Literally, now.Peace.Along the way, I gave myself permission to do what I could - even if it wasn’t perfect - finding snippets of meditative space was good enough if I couldn’t do full-blown Meditation. It was this breakthrough that I was finally able to breathe.Meditative Space is a small clearing; a bit of empty space that offers you a clear breath, a moment of ease, an ounce of wellbeing. When you feel it, you naturally want more.

Creating a Meditative Space

[Note: At the end of this post, I’ve included two articles. If you’re reading this post because it’s a topic of interest, then I want to say clearly: READ THE ARTICLES!]First, come to consciousness when you find yourself with a few minutes of quiet. Is that now? While you’re reading this? Do you have a few minutes? In the shower? Standing in a bank line? When going to bed? Upon waking? Look for those few minutes! I couldn’t believe how easily I could find them. Just being aware of them served to give me a more positive attitude of having space in my life.Then, find your breath. Learning about breathing--and then actually breathing--changed a lot for me. To come to consciousness on your own breath, see if you’re using it as a tool where it’s deep and productive or if you’re in shallow breathing where you’re breathing just through your head, instead of through your whole body. Release your shoulders now, stretch your neck and breathe. Practice this breathing! I promise you just this activity alone will serve you.Close your eyes and breathe, get quiet and visualize your mind. Even if there’s noise around you, you can get quiet yourself; you do not have to interact with that noise around you. Just let it be there, and you be here! What do you see in your mind? If it’s filled with clutter from your day or your life, literally take your hand and slice through the air in front of you as if you’re slicing through the clutter. Then, imagine pulling apart the two separate pieces you just created and clipping them off with binder clips so that what’s left is an open clear space. It will probably appear dark and will be empty. ……This opening can serve as your Meditative Space if you allow it.

B.O.A.T.

Meditation takes time and practice. It can be hard to do if you have a lot of clutter. Slicing through the clutter in your mind allows you to begin to create a Meditative Space, which you can focus on with commitment, while at the same time using your deep breathing. When you find this quiet space, then you can listen to the quiet. Just sit there in silence and listen to the quiet, see what comes up for you, see what you hear. Focus on that with curiosity. Over time see what you hear, how it changes as you get more easily able to find your quiet inside.For some, it is useful to imagine that you are in a peaceful quiet space. I suggest the visual of a still boat, floating silently in the water. You can feel the calm, feel the breeze, feel the silence. This visual is actually an acronym: Breathe. Open. Allow. Think. This is the process!Here’s a simple Action Plan:

1. Learn about and understand the benefits of getting quiet inside.
2. If you find those benefits truly useful to you, work to integrate them into your mind. You will actively and eagerly pursue these benefits if you have a deep feeling about why this will be helpful.
3. Consider my suggested method for finding a Meditative Space rather than trying to accomplish full blown ‘Meditation.’ Find your breath. Release your shoulders. Clear the clutter.
4. Get quiet inside and see what you hear.
5. Repeatedly.

 My deep gratitude to Kevin Monroe for inviting me to write this guest blog. 

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Article in Scientific American: “What does mindfulness meditation do to your brain?”Article in Forbes.com: “7 ways meditation can actually change the brain.”

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 Susan L. Axelrod is a Coach who helps people find clarity, get control and move intentionally toward their goals. She offers Personal Coaching for individuals, Executive Coaching for business owners and Leadership Coaching for young people [ages 15-30]. She is also a professional speaker and offers custom programs for groups and organizations. You can visit her website here. We are continuing on in our series on meditation. If you want updates on future blog posts subscribe below.[convertkit form=4923795] 

Are Any of These Meditation Myths Stopping You?

You don’t have to be a monk to master meditation. But what do I know? I suck at meditation.Or at least I thought I did.Then, recently, I began realizing the numerous benefits I receive as a result of regular meditation.The benefits are immensely personal and practical. Better yet, they are even subtle. They are so subtle, I had not even realized the connection between some of the benefits I’ve received and my daily meditation.A few days ago I heard a comment; it was part of a guided meditation I was doing on the Calm app. At first, it took me by surprise. Tamara Levitt, the host and guide, said that one benefit of meditation is that it becomes easier to step away from busyness. Suddenly l realized, “Hey, that’s true for me.”In years past, when I went on vacation, I found it often took me three or four days to clear my head and begin to unwind. By the last day of vacation, I’d usually started the re-entry process — wondering what I’d missed, who I needed to contact, and what was required to resume the various projects underway. Do the math, and you realize that I often only had two days of real vacation out of a 7-day vacation. That stunk!Not so this year. Last month we got away for a week of vacation.It was much easier to stop the carousel and step off for a few days rather than being constantly bombarded by thoughts. I noticed it on day one of our vacation. For a few moments, I wondered what was different this year. But, instead of over-analyzing why unwinding was easier this year than previous years, I decided to enjoy being unwound (is that a word?).It was only a few weeks later when I connected the dots. WOW! If meditation helped me do that, what else might be possible?Recently, I was in a coaching session with Susan Axelrod (to clarify, she was coaching me). Susan recognizes that there are plenty of people, like me, who react when they hear meditation. Accordingly, she prefers to call it Meditative Space. This is a deliberate practice to visually depict clearing the clutter in your mind and finding space between your thoughts. (I don’t know about you, but I am usually in the market for some meditative space.)All of this got me thinking more about meditation. What is it that so many have misunderstood about meditation that prevents us from reaping these remarkable benefits? Here are the five meditation myths that kept me from meditating. Do you recognize any of these?

1. I’m too busy to meditate. That’s kind of like saying you are too busy to think. Seriously? In actuality, the busier you are, the greater your need for meditation. It’s easy to jump out of bed and hit the floor running out of a sense of being busy. It’s equally easy to neglect self-care when you are busy and overly busy can lead to burnout. Investing  a few moments in meditation will help you stay centered, focused, and more effective with your time and energy
2. Only mystics and monks meditate. That’s another way of saying that meditation is mystical, aerie-faerie, or religious. It can be a spiritual practice but, in and of itself, meditation need not be religious or wacky. You don’t have to burn incense, light candles, recite chants, or do yoga to meditate. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those aspects of meditation, especially if you are a monk or a mystic. (Don’t want to offend my readers from the monastery).
3. It takes too long to meditate.  Who said there was a minimum time limit required for meditation in order for it to be effective? There are benefits to meditation even if you only meditate for a moment. I started by meditating for 3 minutes. As I began to reap benefits from those 3-minute sessions, I extended the time. My sessions average about 10 minutes and I’ve discovered those 10 minutes have a compound effect on the rest of my time.
4. You have to sit on the floor cross-legged, wear yoga pants, chant, and burn incense to meditate. Now you know that I am a card-carrying Baby Boomer who came of age in the 70s to have those associations with meditation. But that is what I originally thought. Now I know that’s nonsense. Naturally, there are some places more conducive to meditation than others, but you can meditate most anywhere and wear whatever you want.
5. I’ll fail at it, so, why bother? I get this. It’s what I thought for years. Now I realize no one is grading my meditation practice. My misconception was thinking that meditation meant "to not think”, to achieve a state of nothingness. Now, thanks to help from Tamara Levitt, the voice on the Calm App and my daily guide, I realize not thinking is not the point of meditation. Instead, it is to develop awareness of my thoughts, to consciously clear the clutter, and order what would otherwise be chaos.

I now realize how wrong I was about meditation and what I was missing. How about you? Do you wrestle with any of these or are there others you would add to the list?If you’re willing, why not take a 7-day challenge. Commit to creating meditative space and carving out a few minutes each day of the next seven days to meditate. If, like me, you need a little help, try calm.com or the Calm App. Once you have a 7-day streak under your belt, I’m guessing you’ll be finding enough benefits to keep it going.  [clickToTweet tweet="Accepting a meditation challenge isn’t a competition. It’s encouragement." quote="Accepting a meditation challenge isn’t a competition. It’s encouragement."]I am enjoying benefits from regular meditation and hope you will too. Over the next few weeks, there will be guests more knowledgeable than myself on meditation sharing their experience and expertise. Leave your info below to receive updates on future blog posts. Up next is a guest post from Susan Axelrod, coach, consultant, and speaker, sharing her practice of Meditative Space.[convertkit form=4923795] 

Maybe This Is What's Keeping You From Being All You Were Meant To Be

Have you ever caught yourself looking at someone and wondering “What is it about them that allowed them to achieve the success they have? To build the following that they amassed. To be the voice that thousands, or even millions, listen to. Be the guide others look to for help?”Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’m just as gifted as they are, right? Why is it so easy for them?” Sometimes, you complete it with … and so difficult for me?Then, suddenly, as you sit there at your table-for-one pity party, sulking, you are overcome with guilt and grief. OMG, not only are you not changing the world as you had hoped, now you are guilty of one of the 7 Deadly Sins. Envy.Maybe you envy their position, progress in life, business, or ministry (yes, even ministers struggle with this). Possibly, it’s the scale and scope of their influence, their platform, that bothers you.But if you got a peek into their life, you would probably be surprised to discover that what looks so easy for them hasn’t always been easy. It may not even be easy right now.They have struggled with some of the same thoughts as you.If you have ever struggled with that, please know you are not alone. This does not have to be the way your story ends. Instead, it might just be the bridge you need to cross to the next chapter.[clickToTweet tweet="Don’t let a life-confining moment become a life-defining moment." quote="Don’t let a life-confining moment become a life-defining moment."]Let’s explore how life-confining events happen and how you can diffuse them so they don’t continue to confine or define you.Life-defining moments are events that establish or change the course of all that follows that event. Often, we hear people describe life-defining events as a single encounter or fortuitous event that changed everything that followed it.I recently heard Henry Winkler describe the defining moment of his life, the day he showed up for an audition just one week after moving to Hollywood with only $1,000 to his name.It was a casting call for a new television series. Henry wasn’t exactly what they were looking for; they envisioned someone much taller for the role. Winkler is only 5’6”, but as he auditioned for the role, he actually defined the role and was hired as Arthur Fonzarelli, better known as, Fonzie, for the 70s hit TV show, Happy Days.This life-defining moment came on the heels of a life-confining moment. Just a few weeks earlier, Winkler had been fired from a starring role in a play in Washington D.C. He was so dejected that he cried the whole drive from Washington, D.C. to New York. He could have let that rejection be the end of the road rather than a bend in the road. Instead, he packed his bags and headed for Hollywood and the rest is history, better yet, it is his story.

What are life-confining moments?

While they take different forms, life-confining moments are events that cause you to question your gifts, talents, abilities, or worth. They attach onto you like a leech that seeks to suck the life out of you or like a boa constrictor seeking to squeeze, or suffocate, your life.I see three major causes of life-confining moments — comparison, criticism, and conformity.

Comparison

Why can’t you be more like _________________?.Perhaps you followed in the footsteps of an older sibling who excelled in an area and you always lived in their shadow. Somewhere along the way you encountered an authority figure, a teacher, a coach, or parent who initiated the comparison and first asked, “Why can’t you be more like ______________?”Regardless of their motivation for asking, the effect is often the same. It locked you into a comparison, perhaps an unfair one. Rather than creating a sense of wonder, esteem and appreciation for you and your unique gifts, talents, and abilities, it prompted you to compare yourself with someone else.The net effect?You shrunk back. You withdrew. Rather than becoming more like your best self, you suppressed your true self and attempted to become more like the person to whom you were compared.Comparison robbed you of your unique identity and caused you to question your abilities and contribution.

Criticism

How could you be so _______________?It’s an attack on some aspect of your personality or performance that calls your entire worth and identity into question. Maybe you were called lazy, stupid, or dumb. Perhaps, like me, a teacher criticized your artistic or academic abilities leading you to internalize labels of “I’m not artistic”, “I’m not creative”, “I’m not smart” or whatever your limiting labels may be.I was reminded of this recently as I witnessed an unpleasant encounter. I overheard a father grilling his young son over some sort of failure earlier in the day on the athletic field.

“I can’t believe you did that. Do you know what an embarrassment you were out there today?”

Those words caught my ear. I glanced in the direction of the boy, who looked to be about 12. I watched as he squirmed in his seat. I saw him withdraw as his father continued his tirade.The father, seething with anger, continued to taunt his young son. “And another thing,…” at this point, the father was piling on one hateful, hurtful criticism after another.The boy continued to shrivel and shrink. My heart hurt.I wondered what incredible gifts, talents, and abilities this young prodigy really wanted to express. I prayed this harsh criticism not become a life confining moment in his life.That one event is seared into my memory. It’s probably the catalyst for this post. As much as I’d like to believe it was an isolated event, I know better. Too many parents have been poisoned and pass that poison along to their children.While I am tempted to judge that father, I am reminded to be compassionate towards him. Hurting people hurt people.What wound is that man carrying that causes him to perpetuate this cycle of criticism on his son? Who wounded him so deeply? What dreams were denied him? How might he find healing for his hurt and wholeness for his soul?I don’t know of anyone who is immune from criticism. The tragedy is when that criticism goes unchecked and causes people to shut down or cut off their true selves. Rather than becoming the best version of you, you can be, you sought to become someone or something else. Again, a life-confining moment.

Conformity

Conformity is another way your true self is confined. Sometimes conformity is an event, more often it is a response to an event or your way of dealing with comparison or criticism. Whatever its genesis, it too results in you suppressing your real self in attempts to please others or gain their approval.[clickToTweet tweet="Conformity kills authenticity! Don’t let it kill you." quote="Conformity kills authenticity! Don’t let it kill you."]Rather than fanning the flame of your uniqueness, you seek to fit the mold of what others have deemed acceptable or respectable. It’s just one more way that your life was confined. Instead of being the best you, you sought to imitate someone else.But deep inside you know, you are wired for originality. You know that what Oscar Wilde said is true, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”[clickToTweet tweet="We all encounter life-confining moments. No one gets a free pass. The difference is how u respond." quote="We all encounter life-confining moments. No one gets a free pass. The difference is how u respond."]Don’t allow life confining moments to be life defining moments. If you have been squeezed by comparison, criticism, or conformity, it’s time to break free. Break free to become who you are meant to be.

Here are four ways to transform life-confining moments:

Recognize those events for what they are. They are attempts to squelch and squash the real you and lead you to squander your gifts, talents, and abilities. Maybe they were prompted by pain, regrets, or jealousy. Regardless of the source or motivation, recognize that the comparisons or criticisms were illegitimate and determine to move on.Reframe your perception or understanding of what happened. Please note, I am not suggesting that you deny or excuse what happened. Rather, reframe those events, not as judgments about you, your abilities, or your worth. But recognize that the people who inflicted hurt upon you had been hurt themselves and did not deal with their own hurt in healthy ways and passed it on to you.Release them. In other words, forgive them. Find and extend grace to them for the hurt they inflicted on you. When you hold someone captive by not forgiving them, you are only imprisoning yourself. Free them and you!Rewrite the ending of your story. After all, your life IS your story and if you’re still alive, there’s time to rewrite the ending. Your life-confining moment is not the end of your story. It no longer needs to be your life-defining moment. Take action now and identify your gifts, talents, and abilities. Discover ways to become the best version of you, you can be. Find someone, better yet, some community where you belong, where people value and encourage you to give full expression to your fabulous self and make your unique contribution. If you are looking for a community check out the Living Your WHY community.We need you, the one and only you, and your contribution.

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What Will You Do With Your Superpowers?

If right now you could have any superpower possible, what would you choose?  Would you fly like Superman? Perhaps you would pick super strength like Hulk so you can move that car out of the parking place you want. Better yet, how awesome would it be to have the speed of The Flash so you don’t even need a car? Free your  imagination and envision what it would be like if only you could…Now, would you think me crazy to suggest that superpowers are real? I believe you do have a superpower. Actually, I believe we all have at least one superpower within our reach. Not exactly the kind of superpower of comic books and Marvel movies, but a real super power that makes you incredibly unique and gives you a competitive edge. Your superpower is connected to your WHY. The unique purpose for your existence. Whether you know it or not, you have a purpose. Zeroing in on your purpose not only sets the course for your life, it activates your superpower and enables you to accomplish more than others think humanly possible. You become a world changer. Here are five of my favorite Superpowers of WHY.

FOCUS

While focus is not quite like X-ray vision, it’s mighty close. Focus may not allow you to see through buildings, but it does allow you to cut through the clutter and find your way through the fog. Our world has more clutter than ever before.Here’s a small sampling of what happens every minute of the day on the Internet:

400 hours of new video are added to YouTube

350,000 Tweets

2.5 million likes of Instagram posts

4 million Facebook posts are liked (that’s nearly 6 Billion every day)

4 million Google searches

You can view the data here.

In addition to that, over 4 million texts are sent every minute in the US alone.And you wonder why you feel overwhelmed?Many people feel compelled to stay abreast of ALL of the current information. In today’s world, that’s impossible.[clickToTweet tweet="Want to unlock the superpower of FOCUS? Activate your WHY and you will." quote="When your WHY is activated, you discover an ability to focus. "]Suddenly you find the clutter clearing, the fog lifting, and you filter out the important from the trivial. No longer are you trying to stay on top of everything, but only those elements that are essential to your WHY. Your WHY serves as a filter that helps you focus on what matters most. To you.

MOTIVATION

Millions of people muddle their way through most of their life longing for what’s next. It  might be the next weekend so they can binge on their favorite sport, leisure activity, or entertainment option. Others eagerly await their next exotic vacation. Their lives are always lived in anticipation of what’s next, not what’s now.That’s no way to live. It illustrates what Gail Hyatt said,

People lose their way when they lose their why.

And when you’ve lost your why (or never discovered it in the first place), you zig and zag through life similar to the way a pinball bounces from one bumper to the next. Without your WHY, it’s easy to be aimless and listless. Activating your WHY establishes your direction and destination. Clarity about your direction and destination provide energy and excitement that get you up each morning with a sense of purpose and a meaning to the now as well as the next.[clickToTweet tweet="When you pair #focus and #motivation the sky’s the limit to what you will accomplish." quote="Talk about a dynamic duo -- when you pair focus and motivation the sky’s the limit to what you will accomplish."]

ATTRACTION

Several years ago before we lived in Atlanta, Gwen and I were driving through Atlanta and scanning radio stations. We stumble upon an interview where a guy named Philip was talking about SafeHouse Outreach, a newly formed nonprofit helping women escape sex trafficking. That conversation caught our attention and we were both deeply moved. I still remember looking at Gwen and saying, “I’ve got to meet that guy.” Why? Because his WHY pulled me into his orbit. I was captivated by his WHY and his passion for it. Fast forward a few years. By that time we had moved to Atlanta and one day my path and Philip’s crossed at a “chance” meeting. The attraction of that WHY pulled me as powerfully then as it had years earlier listening to that radio interview. I approached Philip to learn more about his WHY and his organization. Since that first meeting we’ve become great friends and collaborators. In that time, I’ve seen hundreds of people (and millions of dollars) attracted by the power of his WHY. It truly is a superpower.But Philip is not the only one with that superpower. I’ve observed it thousands of times in the 15 years that I’ve worked as a leadership consultant and coach. Leaders who possess a powerful WHY consistently attract the top talent, brightest minds, and abundant resources.[clickToTweet tweet="Your WHY shines like the beacon of a lighthouse and illuminates the way for others. " quote="Your WHY shines like the beacon of a lighthouse and illuminates the way for others. "] Attraction is indeed a superpower and it is even more powerful when it is coupled with connection. Attraction is indeed a superpower and it is even more powerful when it is coupled with connection.

CONNECTION

Today, perhaps more than ever, people long for connection. Genuine, authentic connection. The ability to form connections is a superpower, especially for those who can do it quickly. The language of WHY is a rich currency for establishing a connection with others -- especially those who resonate with your WHY. You see, WHY activates the limbic brain -- the portion of the brain that triggers responses where emotions and trust are also activated. It’s the principle of “deep calling unto deep.” When you are Living Your WHY and authentically communicating it to others, your WHY words penetrate to the limbic level (what we used to call the heart level). The people who share your WHY (your “tribe”) resonate with your WHY and your WHY words. That prompts them to lower their resistance and extend trust to you more easily and often instantly. As you continue to operate with high levels of trust and transparency, those connections will continue to grow. A quick survey of the current business landscape shows that some of the most powerful global brands have achieved that status because of their superpowers of attraction and connection around their WHY. Invest time perusing the organizations on the GameChangers 500 and you can explore how these companies are changing business by uniting commerce and purpose.

PERSEVERANCE

Some consider perseverance as the ultimate Superpower of WHY. It’s what Viktor Frankl experienced as a Jew imprisoned in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany in World War II. He was quoting Friedrich Nietzsche,

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how

but Frankl experienced this Superpower firsthand.Having a strong WHY is what enabled he and other POWs to endure unbelievably inhumane treatment and persecution.Here’s how Viktor Frankl described the power of WHY to persevere in Man’s Search for Meaning.

“Whenever there was an opportunity for it, one had to give them a why— an aim— for their lives, in order to strengthen them to bear the terrible how of their existence. Woe to him who saw no more sense in his life, no aim, no purpose, and therefore no point in carrying on. He was soon lost.” Man's Search for Meaning (p. 76). Beacon Press. 

Persevering through all kinds of hardships, difficulties, and especially cruelties is indeed a Superpower.

What Will You Do with Your Superpowers?

Which of these superpowers do you want to activate in your life? Want to team up with others who are harnessing their superpowers for good? Living Your WHY is one such place -- you might think of it as kind of like the Justice League. Join forces with us here and let's see how much good we can do together. To get updates on blog posts and all things Living Your Why subscribe here: [convertkit form=4898348] 

7 Benefits of Living Your WHY in Community Rather than Isolation

Are you an army of one? A lone ranger? Have you come to accept the cultural myth that you should be independent and self-sufficient? It's possible that you heard the slogan about being an army of one and thought that meant a lone individual rather than a community of individuals united as one. Just as no one is an island, no one person is an army.Have you discovered that you cannot accomplish anything of significance in isolation? Perhaps you’ve tried; I know I have.I remember growing up watching The Lone Ranger, and when I think about it now, even the Lone Ranger wasn’t a solo act. Remember Tonto? He was the faithful sidekick to the Lone Ranger. And how far would the Lone Ranger have gotten without his horse, Silver? They were a team! They were better together. So are you. And so am I.  Even a monk who has taken a vow of silence still lives as part of a monastic community. I explored that in an earlier post that you can get here if you missed it.

How are we better together?

What is it that we find in community that doesn’t exist in isolation? It’s a question I’ve pondered for a long time now — both philosophically and existentially.Here’s my list of seven benefits I treasure about communities:

1. The opportunity to connect deeply (and sometimes quickly) with like-minded people.
2. Inspiration. For all kinds of things - to create, to innovate, to experiment, and to persevere.
3. The encouragement that is mutual and reciprocal. Sooner or later, we all experience difficulties. In community, there are times when you are the encourager and other times when you need encouragement.
4. A sounding board that listens and responds. People who are invested in your life and committed to your success who will listen, ask hard questions, and provide wise counsel.
5. A safe place to share your dreams, process your failures and be appreciated for who you are and what you have to contribute.
6. Collaboration — since we are better together than we are alone, communities are great places to find collaborators and do things together that have greater impact than you could ever accomplish alone.
7. Cheerleaders who genuinely want to see you succeed and celebrate your accomplishment or your progress. As well as the opportunity to cheer for others.

King Solomon, highly regarded for his wisdom, understood that we are better together than we are alone. He penned his own list of benefits:

It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.Share the work, share the wealth.And if one falls down, the other helps,But if there’s no one to help, tough!Two in a bed warm each other.Alone, you shiver all night.By yourself you’re unprotected.With a friend, you can face the worst.Can you round up a third?A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped. (The Message, Ecclesiastes 4.9-12)

I see at least five benefits in Solomon’s list.  Have you ever struggled to pick yourself up?When I’ve fallen in the yucky pity pit and succumbed to “woe is me” thinking, that’s when I need to “phone a friend” or have someone throw me a lifeline. How about brainstorming when you’re the only brain in the conversation? Does that get the best ideas on the table? I don’t think so. Who balances your seesaw? It takes two to seesaw (and tango.) You and me — we are wired for community, for relationship, and interrelationship. I polled members of Living Your WHY — an online community that supports one another on the journey to fully expressing their life purposes — for their answers to this question:

“How does being part of a community help you find and fulfill your WHY?”

Here’s what they had to say:Philip:

“Synergy is awesome. Iron truly sharpens iron! I’m better at being my WHY because of support from my community.”

Lisa & Kris:

“Being part of a community helps me get different perspectives.”

Sean:

“Relationships inspire purpose and activity!”

Tom shared a great list:

1) "We need to know and be known."2) "We get to experience “qualified” or “relevant” love (not shallow or superficial)."3) "I can serve and be served at a higher, meaningful level."4) "I can also be challenged and held accountable in more “qualified” and “relevant” ways."

Susan:

“I am reminded to take action when I see others — in a community, I choose to be in — taking action.”

Alison:

“Community shapes everything we do and we all have the power to shape our communities. I don’t think anything we created would have been created without first building a strong sense of community.”

WOW! What a great list. Did we miss something? What are the benefits of being in community that you most enjoy? Please add in the comments below. [clickToTweet tweet="You cannot accomplish anything of significance in isolation, significance always involves others." quote="You cannot accomplish anything of significance in isolation, significance always involves others."]When you find the right others, they will bring out the best in you and you do the same for them. You will be better together. If you are looking for a community to support you in Living Your WHY, please join us.Want to receive updates about new blog posts and Living Your WHY? [convertkit form=4898348]***Living Your WHY commits to protecting your privacy. We will not share your information with anyone.***

What Monks Know About the Secret to Success and Why You Need to Know it Too

What if there was a secret shared by monks that held the key to you living a life of maximum meaning and fulfillment? Would you want in on their secret?Of course, you would! Who wouldn't? Now, I know that some of you may be a wee bit skeptical. However, if you ever visit a monastery, you will observe, and hopefully experience, peace, and tranquility that is missing from most modern lifestyles. Is there something they know that we don’t know?“Whoa, where are you going with this post, Kevin?”You might be thinking that I’ve lost my marbles. Especially if I am about to suggest that celibacy is the key for you to find meaning in life.I am not advocating celibacy, so I hope you’ll continue reading and relax now that we’ve taken that off of the table.But you may still have some reservations about “The Monk Secret” that I am advocating. You may be worried that I want to pry that smartphone out of your hands. Again, you can relax.

Deny Thy Self?

Perhaps you are addicted to being buzzed and connected to the online world 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year. But if you are always on your phone, you probably already have the monk posture. You know, your head bowed and hands together in front of you. Only for you, it’s not for prayer or meditation, but to look at the screen of your smartphone and two-thumbed typing or texting.If that is the case, you probably could benefit from a cellphone Sabbath or sabbatical. A cellphone Sabbath is breaking free from the constant connection one day each week, where a sabbatical entails ‘going dark’ (offline) for an extended period.Disconnecting from your smartphone may not help you find more meaning and fulfillment in life. At least, it will create space for you to “be still and know” rather than always being plugged in and turned on.But, that’s not the monk secret I have in mind.Nor is it asceticism, although most of us could benefit from some self-denial. The message of Madison Avenue is that you can have it all, and you deserve it all, so any talk of abstinence or moderation of life’s pleasures seems like nonsense in today’s world.There is certainly something to be said for simplifying your life. If that is interesting to you in any way, I highly recommend reading, Essentialism, by Greg McKeown.We could continue exploring facets of monastic life in search of the secret. Is it the simplicity of the wardrobe and diet? Is it the regimen of a strict daily schedule? Is it daily prayers and meditation?

All is Revealed

I do not want to diminish the value of any item or practice mentioned thus far. I believe all of the above-listed practices have value and contribute to a life of meaning and fulfillment. However, there’s something else that is even more fundamental to maximizing meaning and fulfillment in life.It is so central to the monastic life, yet it is also easy to overlook. The secret known by monks is that even their quest for personal piety and purity is not an entirely individual effort. It is a community effort! That’s right. Monks realize that even the quest to renounce worldly pursuits is better together, so they join together as part of a monastic community to support their pursuit. I guess you could say, it takes a village to raise a monk.[clickToTweet tweet="Even monks who take a vow of silence live in a monastic community. #dontgoitalone" quote="Even monks who take a vow of silence live in a monastic community. #dontgoitalone"]Monks need one another to thrive in their devotion.In one regard, monks might be considered the most isolated people on the planet. They have surrendered connection to the outside world, simplified their lifestyle, even pledged celibacy, and some also pledge silence, but they still need one another.I am again reminded of the words of John Donne,

No man is an island.

From one perspective, monks could be the most island-like among us, but not even they are islands, they are interconnected.And so are we.[clickToTweet tweet="Monks can’t do it alone. Neither can you." quote="Monks can’t do it alone. Neither can you."]You, the monks and I all need a community where we belong and where we support and encourage one another. Where we bring out the best in each other.That is the Monk’s Secret that we need to grasp. If you want to maximize meaning and fulfillment in life, you must belong to a vibrant community. You will never get there by yourself.As Bill Withers’ put it so simply, yet eloquently,

We all need somebody to lean on.

Who Do You Lean On?

If you are intentional about maximizing meaning and purpose in life, I invite you to join a community of like-minded people on that same journey. It’s Living Your WHY; you can learn more here.In my next post, we’ll explore who are the people you need to have in your community and how they help you Live Your WHY. [convertkit form=4898505]

Why I Finally Quit Being a Waiter and Why You Should Quit Too

I am going to let you in on a secret. For years, I was a waiter. You can always find a group of waiters who, like you, were right on the verge of a big break or finally being discovered. However, instead of putting yourself out there and pushing through, returned to waiting, because, like me, waiting was comfortable and familiar.   Where was I waiting? Usually wherever I was at the time. Oh, did you think I was waiting tables at a restaurant somewhere? That’s not the waiting I am writing about now. I was waiting on someone or some event to tell me, “It’s your time to step up and start living.”I wasn’t waiting tables. I was waiting on life.

Waiting on Life

What was I waiting for?

• The perfect timing.
• The perfect conditions.
• The elimination of ALL risks.
• A sign. Or at least an engraved invitation.
• Permission.
• Assurances.

Does any of this ring a bell with you? Do you have a dream within you that wants to come out? I know you do. We all do. That’s how we are wired.Maybe like me you’ve been waiting. Waiting for some of the same things I was waiting on. Waiting on something to happen before launching out to pursue the dream. I remember looking at others and thinking:

“Why do they get all of the breaks?”

“Why is that happening for them and not me?”

“Why can’t I be more like them?”

“Why did they get that promotion instead of me?”

“How did that opportunity ‘just land in their lap’?”

After some period of waiting, I’d think, “My time has come” and muster the motivation to get out there and try something new. But when it didn’t generate the response I wanted, or work out the way I had planned, I’d go back to waiting. After all, I was really good at waiting.

You Will NEVER Be Ready Enough

I now realize that much of my waiting was tied to the Readiness Myth. The belief that what you need most is to focus on getting ready. Then, once you are fully ready, then, and only then, the perfect timing will automatically appear — the conditions for launching whatever it is in your heart to launch will be rightThe moon and stars align, and all of the conditions will finally be perfect. You know, the time when the market, the economy, consumer demand, consumer confidence, and yes, even the weather are perfect. Like a poised lion, you pounce and strike while the iron is hot and instantly become an overnight success.I don’t want to be Danny Downer and rain on your parade, but there is one slight, minor, itsy-bitsy problem with plans like that — whether they are yours or mine. [clickToTweet tweet="The perfect time NEVER comes. You will never be fully ready, but you are already prepared. " quote="The perfect time NEVER comes. You will never be fully ready, but you are already prepared. "]Nor can you eliminate all risks. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to assess the risks and determine how to mitigate and manage the risks. That’s wisdom! Just realize that, regardless of the extent of your planning, you will never eliminate ALL of the risks. Every significant undertaking always involves risks. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be significant.

What If You Already Have the Sign?

Or maybe like me, you grew up with the expectation that you needed a sign before launching out into something bold and audacious. If not a sign, at least an engraved invitation. Some sort of outward manifestation or confirmation that you are on the right track or at least  heading in the right direction. It’s as though we forget that the very desire to make the world a better place is planted in us by the Divine and not something we dreamed up on our own. However, due to insecurity or uncertainty, we doubt what we sense in ourselves and long for someone to give us assurance. And we find great comfort in divine direction. So you wait. Hoping for some supernatural sign that provides assurance that what you are doing is what you should be doing.What if you already had a sign and just didn’t recognize it as such. What if the sign is joy or delight? I love the wisdom of this insight from Frederich Buechner:

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet.

You would do well to pay attention to what gladdens your heart and satisfies your soul. The great distance runner, Eric Liddell, whose trials and triumph from the 1924 Olympic Games was portrayed in the movie, Chariots of Fire, had a unique perspective:

I believe that God made me for a purpose. But He also made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure.

What are you doing when you sense the smile of God in your life? Learn to recognize that joy, pleasure, and delight as signs — internal indications that you are on the right path. These are green lights to keep going.

Last Week, I Quit Waiting Again

Perhaps you are waiting for permission. Permission to take risks, permission to leave your comfort zone and try something new, permission to explore and experiment, permission to fail, and perhaps more importantly, permission to succeed. Guess what? Here’s your permission slip. A few years ago, I finally decided to quit waiting. I finally realized the perfect time will never come. Nor will the perfect conditions. I can’t eliminate all of the risks. Readiness is not only a myth; it’s often our excuse. Let me illustrate my most recent experience when I quit waiting. About 90 days ago, a friend encouraged me to “give Facebook Live a try.” Did I take his advice and jump right in and try it? Of course not, that’s not what waiters do. Instead, I began researching, studying, and worst of all, comparing. I made a long list of all the things I needed to do before I deemed myself ready.

Affinity for Action

Then last week I had an epiphany. Seth Godin played a part in this one. I stumbled across this line in What To Do When It’s Your Turn,

There is a fundamental difference between being ready and being prepared. You are more prepared than you realize. You probably aren’t ready, and you can’t be ready, not if you’re doing something of significance.

Once again, I decided it was time to quit waiting and spring into action. My tribe craves authenticity, not hype or perfectly polished performances.[clickToTweet tweet="People crave #authenticity. An overly polished performance seems plastic, not authentic." quote="People crave authenticity. An overly polished performance seems plastic, not authentic."]I whipped out my smartphone, jotted down three points to share, made a makeshift stand for my phone and went live. You can view it here.Was it perfect? Of course not. Did it hurt? Not one bit!But it’s done. It is part of developing the confidence to take action and action is the antidote to waiting.

Do Something NOW

Instead of dreaming and waiting, start dreaming and doing. Adopt an affinity for action. Do something that moves you forward. Today. Now. After all, now is the only moment you really have. If you don’t take action right now, you are only continuing to wait.Are you longing for a community that supports and encourages you to act on your dream? Living Your WHY is a place to share your heart and take the next step that you’ve been waiting to take. Join us here and start Living Your WHY today.  

I Wish That I Could Be Like the Cool Kids

Do you ever catch yourself singing along? It’s easy, simple words and a catchy tune,“I wish that I could be like the cool kids‘Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in”If you are not familiar with the song, you can watch it here.[video width="640" height="360" mp4="http://kevindmonroe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Echosmith-Cool-Kids-Official-Music-Video-copy.mp4"][/video]Besides being a catchy tune, and the debut hit of the group Echosmith, the song is also a succinct social commentary of the yearning of millions.Millions of children whether they are in elementary, middle, or high school want to be one of the cool kids.But it doesn’t stop there. Millions of young adults continue their quest for cool. Unfortunately, the quest for cool extends way into adulthood for millions. It doesn’t end just because you turned 30 either. Nor at the following decades of 40, 50, 60, or even 70.This song captures the angst of millions, possibly even billions, worldwide. It’s the quest to fit in, to belong, to be cool. Granted, what it means to be cool varies from one culture to another, but the quest for cool is universal.[clickToTweet tweet="The quest for cool might undermine your quest 2B authentic to find + fulfill your life purpose. " quote="More pointedly, the quest for cool might undermine your quest to be authentic, to find and fulfill your purpose. To live your WHY. "]

Why Let the Cool Kids Set the Standards?

Here’s what I’ve seen. Wherever you go, there’s always a group of “cool kids” who see themselves and want you to see them as the standard bearers of what it means to belong. Really, who died and made them king or queen?Think about it. What are the standards by which you measure your success? Your happiness? Significance? Progress towards meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in life?Who said those standards of cool had to be yours?To paraphrase the line from Fight Club,

Have you ever bought something you didn’t need with money you didn’t have to impress somebody you didn’t like?

That’s insane!People do it every single day. In case you didn’t know, that’s the modus operandi of Madison Avenue. Buy this, wear this, drive this, live here, eat or vacation here and you’ll be cool. And you’ll have the social media posts to prove it.I’m amazed at how many people tell me they are working a job they don’t like (hate is the word I often hear) to fuel a lifestyle they didn’t honestly choose or don’t enjoy, so they can impress people whose opinions don’t matter.That’s no way to live!

Out of Step Doesn’t Mean Out of Sync

Have you ever stopped to wonder, what if being out of step with the cool kids doesn’t mean you are out of sync? What if it might mean the exact opposite?Being out of step might mean that you are getting in sync with your authentic self. Imagine defining your standard of success or significance and ‘being cool with it’; getting comfortable in your skin.Isn’t that what you want? To live the life that you want to live, to do the work you are called to do, to live where you choose to live and not be boxed in or out by the Joneses?That’s certainly my desire.For over a decade, I’ve worn primarily one of three brands of shoes: Ecco, Born, or Clark’s. Why?Is it because they are the most stylish shoes on the market? Probably not. In my opinion, these brands are the most comfortable shoes I’ve found. And I’ve tried all kinds. When our kids were teenagers, I got my fair share of grief; at times my shoes were a joke in our family.Here’s the point, I don’t buy shoes to impress you; I buy shoes for comfort. In my world, comfort is king! King is cool! Ergo, my shoes are cool.Why not extend that attitude to other areas of life besides something as fleeting as fashion trends?In the grand scheme of life, fads like fashion trends are trivial. Character is cool.[clickToTweet tweet="Is it wise to outsource your legacy to people whose opinion you don’t truly value?  " quote="Is it wise to outsource your legacy to people whose opinion you don’t truly value? I don’t think so. "]Take a close look at the lives of the people who serve as the judge and jury of your coolness. Do you want what they have?I hope so. If not, you need to make some changes. Recognize the truth is these wise words from Jim Rohn,

You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Be Your Own Kind of Cool

Lest you think this is solely a 21st Century phenomenon, recall the words of Henry David Thoreau:

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

[clickToTweet tweet="What's the song you hear that resonates with your heart? With your soul?" quote="What's the song you hear that resonates with you in your heart? With your soul?"]That’s the sound of your authentic self. That’s the song you want to ♥ and put on replay. As you listen, move in rhythm with its beat and live in harmony with its message.Do that and; you’ll discover that you instead of wishing to be a cool kid,  you’ll be your own kind of cool. The authentic you that only you can be.[clickToTweet tweet="It’s okay to be out of sync with the cool kids as long as you are in sync with your true self." quote="It’s okay to be out of sync with the cool kids and the culture of cool as long as you are in sync with your true self."]If you feel you need a permission slip, this is it! You don’t have to be a cool kid, just be your authentic self that’s the coolest person you can be.I know where you can find an authentic community to welcome you and support you in the quest of keep in step with the music you hear and pursuing your purpose. We call it Living Your WHY. If that appeals to you, please come and see for yourself.

Is A Gold Medal Really What We Think It Is?

As I write this and reflect on communities, the Games of the XXXI Olympiad, better known as Rio 2016, are underway. Some of the events, like baseball, basketball, and indoor volleyball, consist of large teams. Other sports like beach volleyball and synchronized diving are two-person teams. A preponderance of events are solo events where one athlete is crowned champion.In these events, it is easy to miss something significant. In the individual competitions, a single athlete takes the podium to receive the medal and is recognized as being the best in their sport. In an era and culture where we celebrate, even idolize individual achievement, it’s always a team effort.  The Olympian may receive all of the attention and accolades, but their victory was a shared accomplishment.[clickToTweet tweet="Rarely is a solo achievement a solo quest." quote="Rarely is a solo achievement a solo quest."]So it is with Living Your WHY. Granted it is your WHY, and you are intimately involved in the living of it, but good luck going it alone. You won’t get far. Nor is it likely that you will reach your destination in isolation. You need others and we need you. In good conscience, I can’t make this all about YOU and write why YOU need community. That might give you the wrong idea that you need it and I don’t. No, we all need a place where we belong. A place where people know us by name and accept us for who we are, not what we have or what we’ve accomplished. Many of the writings about finding purpose in life are focused solely on the individual to the exclusion of a community connection. You could take the position that the essential elements needed for Living Your WHY are clarity, courage, and confidence. The three points of the triangle and the first 3Cs of Living Your WHY.Truth be told, I probably operated that way for years. I doubt I would have said it publicly, but it was the hidden message I had received from the Superhero and Lone Ranger syndromes. Then, I realized there’s a fourth C that is vital to Living Your WHY in a holistic and sustainable way. That’s community. Granted, Living Your WHY may put you in the spotlight as the face of an organization or even a movement. Don’t ever succumb to the delusion that it’s all about you or that you can do it alone. You can’t. I can’t. None of us can. As John Donne penned decades ago,

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.

We need a place to belong and to be part of something bigger than ourselves. I now visualize this as a circle surrounding the triangle of Clarity, Courage, and Confidence. Placing those in a community environment and surrounding the individual actions in a corporate context.[clickToTweet tweet="The reality is it takes a community to Live Your WHY." quote="The reality is it takes a community to Live Your WHY."]

What Happens in Community that can’t Happen in Isolation?

Let’s be honest, our understanding of community has been watered down and cheapened. Where you live might be labeled a community, but if you don’t know the names of the people who live next to you, and never interact with them, you live in a neighborhood, not a community. Neighborhoods are areas that surround a particular place. Communities are places of interaction and involvement. Likewise, many “online communities” also fail the test of what it means to be a community. Just because you all use the same software or hardware falls a bit short of true community. Genuine communities foster connection, conversation, camaraderie, and contribution. With a key distinction being that is mutual, a giving and a receiving. The connection, conversation, camaraderie, and contribution are shared. When it comes to Living Your WHY you want (and need) to connect with others who share your values, support your dream, and help you think through opportunities and decisions. Others who invest in your journey and likewise you invest in theirs. Others who are farther along the journey and can help you as you ponder your path and navigate the tricky parts.Community does not eliminate competition but reframes it so that it is healthy or cooperative competition or coopetition as some have labeled it. Communities recognize that a rising tide lifts all boats and work together for the greater good. And it’s not just a greater good.

The Beautiful Good

The Greeks had a vibrant vocabulary that was rich in many ways and often had more than one way to express a concept.  One Greek word used for community was  κοινωνία. Koinonia means communion, joint participation, a gift jointly contributed, a collection, or even a collective. To me, κοινωνία communicates authentic community. Authentic community goes deeper than simply coming together because of common interests, whatever they may be. Koinonia embraced a strong commitment to "kalos k'agathos" meaning "good and good." In this understanding of community, there is an inner goodness that connects us with others who are like-minded. Together, we jointly participate to create and share something greater than any one of us could do on our own. That’s true collaboration. That’s community!I don’t know about you, but that’s something I want. To be part of a mutually sharing and supporting community that unites together to create jointly something more beautiful and beneficial than we could ever create alone. And through that, to create greater impact than any of us could in isolation.

Where’s Your Community?

Have you found the community where you belong? A place where people support you on your quest for Clarity, Courage, and Confidence as you Live Your WHY. A place where you can make your contribution to help others on their journey. I certainly hope so. And I would love to learn about your community. To discover how it works and what it does to nurture and support its members.

Want to Join Ours?

I want to support and encourage you in Living Your WHY. Perhaps all you need is to join the Living Your WHY Community. That’s easy, just visit the group and ask to be added. Maybe you want to enroll in the next 30-Days to Living Your WHY group coaching program or explore engaging in a 1:1 coaching relationship. Take your next step now -- whatever it is. Find a place where you can get the Clarity you need, muster the Courage to take the next step, and help you increase your Confidence, and most of all, a vibrant Community where you are a vital member.The world needs you Living Your WHY.If you want to learn more about the 30-Day program, please share your name and email. We'll send you more information.[convertkit form=4898505]Opening graphic created by feedough and licensed through DepositPhotos.com.

I Have a Confidence Problem

I hear this every week. "I'm struggling to find my purpose in life. I want to believe I have a unique contribution to offer the world, but I have a confidence problem."

Here's the truth. No one else has exactly what you have to share or can share it exactly as you do. 

Pause. Reflect on that for a moment.

Your life journey, whatever it is, creates credibility and clout for you to connect with your “tribe” like no one else connects with them. Some people call it fulfilling your destiny, finding your life’s purpose. I call it Living Your WHY. If you are reading this, you are awakened, or awakening to Living Your WHY

Currently, we are exploring the 4Cs of Living Your WHY. So far we discussed Clarity and Courage as essential elements to Living Your WHY.

You need clarity about both direction and destination in your life. Otherwise, you just sit like a parked car with your engine idling as you wonder what to do next. It’s hard to stop a moving train, but it’s also hard to steer a parked car. Movement leads to momentum! No movement = no momentum.

Clarity about your WHY is absolutely essential, but not necessarily sufficient. You may know where you want to go and have a good sense of what it takes to get there. But unless, and until, that clarity results in action, nothing of significance occurs.

Courage provides the impetus for action. Never underestimate the impact of action. Remember Newton’s First Law, “an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion, stays in motion…” Seth Godin put it another way,

The cost of being wrong is less than the cost of doing nothing.

It takes courage to step up and speak out about your WHY. Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but it’s the belief that your WHY is bigger and more important to you than your fear. Courage helps you conquer fear. 

Clarity defines your course, courage helps you act, but what is it that keeps you going? I believe it’s confidence. Confidence that your WHY is relevant and makes a meaningful contribution to the world.

What happens when you step up and speak out?

Well, let’s assume things go well and there’s a positive response to your message. It doesn’t matter whether you were sharing it with one person, a hundred, or a thousand, when the sharing goes well, it bolsters your confidence.

It also helps silence those voices in your head that told you people will think you’re crazy. Well, they didn’t think you were crazy. Instead, they thought you were bold, ambitious, and daring. Call it a good kind of crazy, the kind that believes you can change the world! And instead of ridiculing you, they asked, “What can I do to help” or “How can I get involved”?

That builds your confidence; the feeling or belief that your WHY matters, that you can actually live your WHY, and make the world a better place by advancing the vision that is in your heart and mind.

[clickToTweet tweet="Clarity set the course, courage gets you started, and confidence keeps you going." quote="Clarity set the course, courage gets you started, and confidence keeps you going."]

Four Benefits of Confidence

Confidence Attracts

It’s true. People are drawn to confident people. You see this in all kinds of settings. Whether it’s at a cocktail party or in the Shark Tank, confidence creates a magnetic force that pulls people into your orbit.

You are the spokesperson for your WHY. When you are confident about your WHY, you attract people, which creates a readiness and an eagerness to connect with you and get on board with your WHY. Confidence is the sweet spot. Too little confidence comes across as timidity and uncertainty. An overabundance of confidence is is usually perceived as arrogance.

[clickToTweet tweet="Confidence attracts! Both timidity and arrogance repel. Broadcast confidence for your cause." quote="Confidence attracts! Both timidity and arrogance repel. Broadcast confidence for your cause."]

Confidence Connects

Not only are people attracted to you when you emanate confidence, they more readily connect with your cause - your WHY. Your confidence transfers and inspires confidence in others. As a result, they want in. They want to know how they, too, can get involved and what they can do to advance the cause. Confidence provides them the comfort to invest their support and resources to help your WHY grow in reach and impact.

Confidence Begets Confidence

Have you noticed this? The first time you have an opportunity to do something new, you probably have butterflies in your stomach. Doubt and uncertainties have made a playground out of your mind.  You are not quite sure about the best way to approach sharing your WHY.

You muster the courage to connect with someone or some group and share your WHY. As you do, you surprise yourself by the level of courage you found and how you are sharing with confidence — it comes from your purpose, passion, and preparation for this moment — and it sparks confidence in your audience. Their receptivity, excitement, and enthusiasm bolster your confidence.

Now, the next time you step out to share, you discover that you are operating with increased confidence. And that confidence attracts more people, connects them with your WHY, and generates (begets) yet even more confidence.

Confidence Propels

Suddenly, you discover all of this is working together to and creating momentum for Living Your WHY. Your WHY is becoming an unstoppable force just like that train we mentioned. You are now making significant strides forward and fondly remember the days you struggled to take a baby step. Best of all, your confidence is inspiring others to live their WHY.

[clickToTweet tweet=" Confidence is energy in action that produces more energy for action." quote=" Confidence is energy in action that produces more energy for action."]

I hear some of you thinking, well that’s great, but where do I start? Remember, the 4Cs to Living Your WHY.

Clarity

• Connect with your passion and purpose
• Clarify your WHY

Courage

• Muster courage to share it with others
• Craft a message so you can share your WHY with others

Confidence

• Talk to people (those in your inner circle - first degree connections)
• Collect their feedback
• Refine your message
• Talk to more people (other first degree connections or expand to second degree)
• Collect more feedback
• Refine your message
• Cast a broader net (Ask the people who resonate with your WHY,  who they know that might also resonate with you and your WHY and ask them to connect you - think third, fourth, and fifth degree connections)
• Talk to them
• Reflect on what connects and inspires
• Watch your confidence in your WHY grow

Wash, rinse, repeat. Daily!

All of this is easier when it’s done in community with others. That’s the fourth of the 4Cs and the topic of my next post. Enter your name and email below to receive the post as soon as it is live.

Where are you when it comes to confidence about your WHY? Are you operating in the sweet spot or teetering towards timidity or arrogance?

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Photo Credit: Biletskiy Evgeniy via Adobe Stock

Finding the Courage to Live Your WHY

Do you desire a life of purpose and meaning, a fulfilled life, not just a full life? I thought so, me too.A full life is a jam-packed life, where your days, evenings, nights, and weekends are all stuffed full. The problem is, in spite of all of the activity, you feel depleted. Empty of time, energy, peace, joy, and true contentment.Who wants that? Not me.Contrast that to a fulfilled life that provides you with a deep sense of satisfaction. That gratification comes from making a positive contribution and impact on the world around you, not because you are busy grabbing all you can to indulge an endless list of wants, whims, and wishes.Let’s assume you have invested the time and found clarity about your WHY. You have discovered, or are discovering your life purpose. (I explored avenues to clarity in this post.) If you have, great! Clarity is the starting point, but it’s certainly not all you need for Living Your WHY.[clickToTweet tweet="You can have all the clarity in the world, but if you are cowardly, you will never see any impact." quote="You can have all the clarity in the world, but if you are cowardly, you will never make any impact."]

No Action = No Impact!

Now that you have clarity regarding your direction and possibly your destination, you need the courage to follow it. Clarity is essential, but it is no guarantee that you will ever leave your comfort zone to venture into the unknown that lies between your present and your future.Clarity may result in paralysis.

For the over-thinkers, the paralysis is the result of the endless analysis. It’s our desire to consider all of the options, list and weigh the pros and cons, and then narrow those options and create a list of criteria by which to assess the best next step. The result? No action and no impact.

If you are a perfectionist, the paralysis may be the result of believing that there is only one right next step to take, and you must make it flawlessly, or you have ruined any chance of getting to the finish line. The result? No action, no impact.

For the planners, the paralysis comes when you confuse planning with action. As long as you stay in your bubble and write your plan, then perfect the plan only to rewrite it because you realized you used faulty assumptions. Guess what happens? Nothing! Again, no action and no impact.

Then they are the visionaries, especially those who gain a glimpse of something so gigantic and global in scale, scope, and impact that they are instantly overwhelmed and begin questioning their capacity to steward that vision to fulfillment. The bigger the vision, the louder the doubts. And guess what happens to them too? You got it: No action = no impact!

Regardless of the source of your paralysis, how do you get past it? Well, it takes courage.[clickToTweet tweet="You need courage to follow your dream, to step out and see it come to life. " quote="You need courage! Courage to follow your dream and step out to see it come to life. "]What is courage? We know courage when we see it in others, but struggle to find it for ourselves. The word courage comes from Old French corage meaning heart or innermost feelings.I see courage as first a heartset that directs a mindset. You know what a mindset is; it’s the beliefs you hold about yourself and your most basic qualities. But what is a heartset?A heartset is the beliefs you hold about your aspirations and dreams — what you believe to be possible and available in your life.Your mindset is anchored to something. It could be anchored to the voice of doubt, criticism, and limiting beliefs that only lock you in and prevent your growth. Or, you can align and anchor your mindset to your heartset so that they are synchronized like a sculling team and advancing you towards your destination.Are we agreed that you need courage? Awesome! Now, where do you get it?

Mustering Courage

To believe that courage is the absence of fear is to misunderstand courage. It would be foolish to wait for all of your fears to subside before venturing out. Learn from courageous leaders like Nelson Mandela who spoke out against the politics and prejudice of apartheid.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

Courage rises as you realize there is something greater, something more important than the fear that grips you. Set your eyes on the prize so that the gravitational pull of your goal is stronger than the fear that seeks to hold you in its grip.Courage often comes from within, but it can be inspired or imparted from others. Some people have an abundance of courage. Their courage is contagious. Being around them bolsters your courage. These people are encouragers. They literally “pour courage into others.” Find your encouragers and spend ample time in their presence.

Taking A Courageous Next Step

All bold action involves risk. Even if you see clearly the next step to take, you cannot eliminate all of the risks. There are, and always will be unknowns and uncertainties. Sooner or later, you will have to exercise the courage to accomplish anything of value. The greater the impact, the more courage required.Courage realizes that Living Your WHY is worth the risks, whatever those risks may be. I recall vividly the day I realized the greatest risk I would take was to take no risk at all. I began taking risks. At first, they were small, calculated risks. The rewards proved worthy of the risks and allowed me to take even greater risks. That builds confidence, and confidence is the third of our 4Cs. [clickToTweet tweet="Courage is the boldness to move in the direction of your WHY in spite of the unknown + uncertain." quote="Courage is the boldness to move in the direction of your WHY in spite of the unknown and uncertain."]Courage is not the absence of fear or the denial of risks; it is the fortitude and fearlessness to move forward in spite of them. Identify the next action step you can take that will move you in the direction of your WHY.And if you muster enough courage, post your next step in the comments section below.Shoutouts:Photo credit: Haywire Media, secured through depositphotos.com.

Four Ways to Find Clarity About Your Life Purpose

Most people want to live a life rich in meaning and purpose. Instead, they live a life of quiet desperation. And as, Henry David Thoreau noted, “go to their graves with their song still in them.” They spend more time frustrated than fulfilled. If you’re reading this, you are one of those people awakened, or awakening, to your WHY.What do you need to be among those who finds their song and shares it with the world? Perhaps the most vivid and popular example of this is recent was Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent.  Even if you’ve seen this clip before, it’s worth watching again.[video width="640" height="356" mp4="http://kevindmonroe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Susan-Boyle-Britains-Got-Talent-2009-Episode-1-Saturday-11th-April-_-HD-High-Quality.mp4"][/video]Like Susan, you have a treasure hidden within you. Your quest is to find your treasure and share it with the world. When you do, your song, book, poem, painting — whatever your medium of expression is — will inspire and impact others, maybe even millions.Join me on a journey as I guide you through four elements that are essential to your living a life that fulfills you and inspires others. I call it Living Your WHY. If you want a deeper explanation, read the mini-manifesto. Clarity is Not a CommodityEverybody wants clarity, few, however, are willing to pay the price to get it. The primary reason for that is that clarity takes time, and most people want it now. And would probably pay a premium for it, if we could bottle it, microwave it, or make it available through the drive through or instant download. If you have a way to do that, let’s talk.

Think about all of the areas in life where you want, or wanted, clarity.

What college should you attend?

What should you pick as your major?

Should you follow the career path of your mother or father?

Should you accept this job, or promotion, offer?

Is s/he the one?

Should we buy this house?

Which school is best for the kids?

So until your favorite coffee shop is serving clarity by the cupful either over the counter or at the drive-through, here are my top recommendations for finding clarity.Finding ClarityClarity through action. Too many people want to see the complete path laid out to their desired destination and then decide whether or not to take the first step. It doesn’t work like that. At least not for most. You may be one of those rare people for whom that has happened. If so, please contact me, I’ve got to hear your story and how that happened for you.Most of the people I know had some sense of direction — more of a compass than a map and set out in the general direction that they thought was right. The path illuminated step by step. Of course, there are times you have more light and see farther down the road.[clickToTweet tweet="It’s a journey of faith — whether you’re a person of faith or not, this journey requires faith. " quote="It’s a journey of faith — whether you’re a person of faith or not, this journey requires faith. "]Clarity through conversation. I cannot count the times in my life that I found clarity through conversation. For me, it’s not usually the chit-chat kind of discussion, but rather the deep heart-to-heart conversations with close friends, coaches, or confidants. Often those closest to you can easily see things in or about you that are hidden from your sight.Clarity through reflection. Please don’t get boxed in on the best way for you to reflect on what works for someone else. Find the practices that work best for you. My friend Jean-Marc hikes the same mountain every day and finds immense clarity along the way. Others walk, run, swim, bike to clear their minds and through that cleansing find clarity.Others meditate, do yoga or another mindfulness practice that creates a sacred space for reflection to occur. Then there are those who draw, paint or sculpt to remove the clutter and get in touch with their true self.Millions journal and find great clarity through writing. Recently, Michael Hudson called to share the significant breakthroughs over a difficult business issue that came through a time of intense journaling. It helped him find clarity. Once he had clarity, the next steps were obvious.Clarity through community. Sooner or later, you will encounter a situation where you need additional help to navigate your way. That’s where a Clarity Council may help. To my knowledge, this practice originated with the Quakers back in the 1600’s. Clarity Council is my label for what the Quakers called a Clearness Committee.The Clarity Council is a group of people who gather around the person seeking clarity and create a supportive environment for inquiry. They serve by asking questions that help the person find clarity. No disguising advice as a question is allowed as is offering advice or counsel. The purpose is to be a sounding board and a haven for the inquirer to find their answer.Clarity Alone Doesn’t Cut It[clickToTweet tweet="Clarity is priceless, but clarity alone is not enough." quote="Clarity is priceless, but clarity alone is not enough."]Once you know what to do, you must follow through to act, and that takes courage which is our next stop on this journey.

• In your experience, what practices are most helpful for you finding clarity?
• Is there an issue on which you need clarity now?
• Which path will you take to find clarity?

Living Your WHY is a great community that exists to support people like you on the Road to WHY. Learn more here.If you are looking for a coaching relationship to help you Live Your WHY, contact me. Stay tuned for my next post when we consider the role courage plays on your Road to WHY.Shoutouts: Opening graphic courtesy of LightSource and obtained through depositphotos.com.Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life provided my first introduction to the Clearness Committee.

Please Don't Fall for This Scam

If you’re anything like me, you are probably skeptical anytime you see that subject line in an email. You might think, “Yeah, right. What kind of phishing expedition is this and who wants to scam me now?” I know I do.The dollar amount of this scam is astronomical. It’s much larger than Enron, Bernie Madoff, and Lehman Brothers combined. In case you are wondering why I listed those, according to Forbes, they are the top three frauds in recent US history.Yet this scam makes those look like lunch money.This scam is more pervasive than the Nigerian scam, the stranded traveler scam, the lottery winning uncle scam, or any other to spam your inbox.Even worse, you may have been coopted as an accomplice in this scam.What scam am I referencing?Well, it goes by many names. Perhaps you heard it expressed in one of these ways:

“You will never amount to anything.” “You will never succeed at that, don't bother trying.” “Don’t get your hopes up; you will only be disappointed.”“Good luck making a living doing that.”"You're too young to do that.""You're too old to do that."“It’s too late now to give that a try.”“You will never be able to support your family doing that.”

[clickToTweet tweet="The greatest scam of all: “You cannot do what you were born to do, so settle for something else.”" quote="The greatest scam of all time is some variation of, “You cannot do what you were born to do, so settle for something else.”"]

The something else is always something less.

This scam has robbed the world of untolled innovation, creativity, and wealth. Who knows the full economic impact of what might have been?All because of the artificial barriers of a false and faulty belief system.If this is you, then you know you have lost something in life. Maybe it’s a sense of adventure or accomplishment. Perhaps it is joy and fulfillment. It could be any number of things. I don’t want to presume what you feel you have lost. I want to remind you that it’s not late.Are you tired of allowing fear and doubt to stop you from doing what you were made to do?Take some step to silence your fears today. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Do something now! I mean right now.[clickToTweet tweet="The size of the step isn’t nearly as important as the direction of it. Move. Forward. Now!" quote="The size of the step isn’t nearly as important as the direction of it. Move. Forward. Now!"]Shoutouts:Here is where you can read the entire Forbes article.Graphic courtesy of TTStudio. Acquired through depositphotos.comA conversation earlier today with Reverend Nancy Yancey of Rainbow Village inspired this post.