Living Your WHY - a Mini Manifesto on Purpose

The Treasure

Somewhere deep inside you lies a treasure. Maybe it’s buried deep within you or perhaps it's hiding in plain view. Hiding from you, that is. Your treasure may be visible to others, yet remain completely oblivious to you.It is also possible that you unwrapped your treasure before, maybe even shared it with others. Then, misfortune struck. Rather than encouraging you, people around you laughed, scorned, or ridiculed you. Instead of finding joy, you felt shame and embarrassment.How about this common scenario? You launched out in some venture based on sharing your treasure with the world; unfortunately, things did not turn out as you planned. You failed! Or at least that’s what you allowed yourself to believe.That’s what you heard and the version of the story you believed. It could have been the voice of your critics. After all, there is nothing they love more than to remind you of that something you dreamed possible that didn’t pan out as planned. [It excuses them from not leaving comfort zone.]But what if everyone else has forgotten that “event” and moved on except you?You are the one who simply cannot get beyond the disappointment or humiliation of such an “enormous failure.” Your inner critic won’t let it go. So you buried your treasure. You decided it is easier, and safer, for you to live with the disappointment of never ‘making it’ than risk being disappointed again (Brene Brown).How I hope this next scenario doesn't apply to you, but chances are good, that it could. See, you might be one of the millions who grew up in  a toxic environment, so venomous and filled with animosity and hostility, fueled by who knows what, that you were repeatedly told, “You are no good. You’re worthless and a waste of resources”. It pains me to type those words, but I know some of you have heard them…and still hear them now.If that’s you, I understand, or at least I want to empathize with how painful your journey has been. After years of belittling, you cannot imagine that you could have anything of value to share, especially, not anything that someone else could treasure.I have to believe that deep inside, you genuinely want this to be true — as much or more than anything else you want. You want to feel that you matter and you, yes, even you, have a treasure to share. More importantly, you are a treasure.It is also possible that this is the first time you hear that you have a treasure. Until now, you believed you were an accident and are here by accident. That, life is random. Here are some of the most common variations of the meme:

The Hedonist version “eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die”. 

The Materialist version, “s/he who dies with the most toys wins.” 

The Cynic’s version, “Life’s a bitch, and then you die.” 

Finally, the Skeptics, “It didn’t work for me, it can’t work for you.”

Their bottom line message sounds like Pete Hogwallop (played by John Turturro) in from O Brother, Where Art Thou.[video width="640" height="360" mp4="http://kevindmonroe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/do-not-seek-the-treasure.mp4"][/video]These memes may be funny in the movies, on a bumper sticker, or some media share, but it’s a pathetic way to live your life. All of these conceal the truth about your treasure.

YOU Have a Treasure

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find your treasure and then share it with the world. Or at least your world.Throughout the ages, philosophers, poets, composers, and theologians have used different labels to describe your treasure. I call it Living Your WHY.Living Your WHY (LYW) is all about you finding your treasure — your life purpose as well as the gifts, talents, and abilities entrusted to you, but meant for you to share with others.LYW is a journey. It is the journey. It’s the quest. It is both a lifelong journey as well as being the journey of your lifetime. You will never be fully alive and fulfilled until you are when you are Living Your WHY.Let’s explore each of the three words in this phrase, Living Your WHY.

Living

Living conveys this as an active, not a passive quest. Living is not something you did only in the past or a someday thing you will do in the future.[clickToTweet tweet="Living always has a NOW element to it. It is always present tense. " quote="Living always has a NOW element to it. It is always present tense. "]While it is true that LYW includes both historical and future elements, but only as part of one connected continuum that you experience in the now.Living your why is relevant to every age and stage of life. As long as you have a pulse, you have a purpose.The living of your why is always unfolding — it’s active, not static. It morphs, evolves, unfolds. Or, perhaps it’s your understanding and expression of your why that evolves as you continue your journey.[clickToTweet tweet="Living is an adventure. Your adventure. And you only have one shot at it. So make it count. " quote="It’s an adventure. Your adventure. And you only have one shot at it. So make it count. "]

Your

All of this is immensely personal. After all, it’s your why. Your why is unique to you. Everything about your journey shapes and influences you and what’s important to you — how you see the world and your place in it and relationship to it.You are unique, and no one else is exactly like you — even if you have an identical twin. Likewise, your why is unique. It encompasses the highs and lows of your life’s journey. It is influenced by your environment, but it is neither determined nor defined by your environment.There is no one else whose treasure is exactly like yours. Your contribution is unique, and we need it.Living Your WHY is not about you becoming someone else, Living Your WHY is about you becoming the best version of you there possibly is. The world needs you and your WHY.

WHY

Why is the essence, the center, the core. Some people think of it as purpose or meaning. It is enduring. It’s your raison d'être — your reason for being.Why is the universal quest that spans the globe and time. Last century, Viktor Frankl called it Man's Search for Meaning and saw such power in the search that it helped thousands endure unbelievable pain and suffering during the Holocaust.Centuries earlier, Irenaeus and Thomas Aquinas called it the Imago Dei, the image of God. These theologians saw it as God’s imprint on all of humanity that creates a deep longing in everyone of us that seeks expression. And centuries before Irenaeus and Aquinas, Solomon called it “eternity set in the heart of man.”You have a WHY. You will find your greatest joy and fulfillment in life when you are Living Your WHY. Whatever your WHY is!

Living Your WHY

If Living Your WHY is the quest, how do you pursue it?Now, that’s a great question.Granted, there may be wrong ways to go about it, but there is not just one single right way. I hope you find that more encouraging than frustrating.Look for the clues around you. Some of the best clues often come from conversations with those closest to you. Ask them what they see you doing better than most. What is it that people seek you out to ask you about?Here are some powerfully profound questions to help you on your quest:

What are you doing when you experience joy and delight in life?

What did you love doing most as a child?

What is it that you are doing when you lose track of time?

What energizes you? 

What excites you? 

What angers you?

If you knew that you were going to die one year from today, what would you do today, so people will remember you as someone who lived life fully?

It’s helpful to answer these questions; it’s even more enlightening to talk through them with someone. Hopefully, you have someone with whom you can have this conversation. If not, contact me, and we’ll explore options for us having that discussion.Please join the Living Your WHY journey, a virtual community connecting through Facebook. Here’s where you go to can learn more about the group and request membership.Living Your WHY is a community and at the same time, it's more than a community. It's a movement. Join it. Live it. Love it. 

Discovering Purpose Without a Map

Do you remember what it was like to navigate your way somewhere new in the days before GPS? For digital natives, a roadmap or an atlas is an archaic relic of the past. Something that may soon only be found in the Smithsonian.I grew up using maps and atlases. For me, being kinetically-challenged, refolding the map was usually an exercise in futility. I remember how excited I was to get my hands finally on a spiral bound Rand-McNally Atlas. For me, that ranks up there with sliced bread and the Gutenberg Press. Perhaps, equating it with the Gutenberg Press is a stretch, but sliced bread for sure.

Old School Navigation

But what happens when your travels lead you to go somewhere for which you have no map? Imagine yourself in the 1800s traveling The Oregon Trail with Lewis and Clark. You’ve seen it on the map, right? You can trace the route they took from Missouri to Oregon. But remember, that map did not exist when they left Missouri, they plowed the way.Or maybe you prefer the open sea and envision being with Balboa on that first voyage to the Pacific 300+ years before Lewis and Clark? He made it with neither a map nor GPS.Consider the adventure, when instead of having a carefully mapped turn-by-turn route or a smart-phone providing step-by-step instructions, “Turn right in 400 feet”, all you have is a general sense of direction and a compass? Then, what would you do?That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 60 days — operating with a compass and not a map. It’s been exhilarating, although I do miss the voice prompts arriving via a British accent.

A 60-Day Journey Without a Map

Let me explain. I invite you to come along with me on this short journey.If you’ve been reading my blog, you know part of this story. Otherwise, this is news to you.In mid-May while sitting at the beach and staring into the Gulf of Mexico, I had an idea just appear. Poof! Pop! It was one of those out-of-nowhere, epiphany moments. I have my personal beliefs that help explain its source, but I won’t go into that now.The idea? Go on a blogging blitz. I was in the final 3-days of my 66-Day writing challenge of a Time Blocking Mastery Program and wondering what to do next to continue my new writing habit.I’ve blogged for years now. Originally pontificating my beliefs about non-profit boards and organizational sustainability. Yeah, I know, you can’t wait to read those. Then for a couple of years on Servant Leadership.But this was going to be different. I committed to exploring a variety of topics and post three times a week for six weeks.Two days into the six weeks, a friend, Chris Cannon said, “Hey Kevin, you ought to start a Facebook Group.”“Why would I do that? I don’t even like Facebook. I’m a LinkedIn and Twitter guy.”The very next day, Michael Hudson, my accountability and thinking partner, said, “You know Kevin, you should start a Facebook Group to go along with this blogging blitz.”My initial response was something like, “Not you too! My friend Chris, whom you don’t know, told me the same thing yesterday.” [Now, I can be slow, after all, I grew up in the South, but I’m not that slow.] “Hmm, let me think about it.”A day or two later, there I was sitting in front of my computer figuring out how to create a Facebook Group. Fortunately, they had told me I had to come up with a name. There was plenty they didn’t say that I was trying to figure out as I set up this group.But who would join?I am sure I could have Googled and found someone offering a course on “How To Achieve Worldwide Domination with Facebook Groups in 90-Days.” With my track record, I would have bought it. Started studying, created a mission statement, developed a one-page strategic plan accompanied by a one-page (or more) marketing plan. At that route, I’d probably still be about 90 days away from the launch date.Instead, I was operating with my new mindset and mantra — “Affinity for Action”. Being intimately familiar with how hard it is to steer a parked car, I have committed to over-acting rather than over-thinking. Inspired by Nike, I was “just doing it.”I’ve been “just doing it” for two months now. Doing what, you might ask?

Living Your WHY

Growing an online community of amazing people from around the world who are all intent on pursuing their purpose in life. We call it, Living Your WHY.No road map, no strategic plan, no marketing plan. Just an idea, a whole lot of passion, and an amazing network of people. I now realize that Living Your WHY is a culmination of all of my work up to this point.As a consultant, speaker, and coach, I have met thousands of amazing people from all parts of the world. What makes each of them amazing is their passion for living their why. I realized this while pondering that question, but who will join?I started by going through my address book and thinking about people I had met through my days in Corporate America, government consulting, the nonprofit world, faith communities, social enterprise, and Servant Leadership. The ONE common characteristic shared by them all, regardless of sector, nationality, or faith was they are living their why. They are passionately pursuing purpose.Looking back, here’s the path I’ve traveled.I had an idea while sitting on a beach in Florida. I took action on that one idea, and it led to other ideas — getting by with a little help from my friends. That idea resonated with others. So, they joined. Some of them invited incredible they know who are living their why.[clickToTweet tweet="Want to know the number one reason people join anything? Wait for it...”somebody asked”. " quote="Want to know the number one reason people join anything? Wait for it, ”somebody asked”. "]I asked. People joined. Some out of genuine interest, others out of kindness, a few out of curiosity, and perhaps a few out of obligation (they just can’t say no to a friend.)Along the way, several dear friends have asked, “So what’s your plan?” I love the variety of  responses I received when I said, “I don’t have one.” As a professional consultant, I am embarrassed about that or have been.That is, until yesterday morning. As I sat on our porch journaling, here are the words that flowed,  “I would feel better with a map or a plan. Right now all I have is a compass.” (those are the exact words copied from my journal).[clickToTweet tweet="If pioneering new territory without a map, use your compass. Keep heading in the right direction." quote="When pioneering new territory and you don’t have a map, use your compass. Keep heading in the right direction."]As I typed those words, suddenly I was grateful that at least I have a compass. While I don’t know the turn-by-turn and cannot give you a strategic plan or even a sketch on a cocktail napkin, I know the direction we’re heading.We are creating a community where we encourage everyone to get busy Living Your WHY. And we would be honored for you to join the adventure. Learn more here.And the next time you find yourself navigating new territory for which you don’t have a map, use the tool available to Balboa, Lewis, and Clark; rely on your compass.

Your Purpose Checkup

Purpose. Meaning. Fulfillment. Joy. STOP. Please read those four words again, a bit more slowly this time. Purpose, meaning, fulfillment, and joy. What is your immediate, emotional response to those words?Do you smile or do you smirk?Are you energized and excited by the idea of endless possibilities? Or are you cynical and skeptical at the plausibility that your life could have any of those?Do those four words create a greater sense of anticipation and awe? Or do they stir regret and remorse?What do those words ignite in you? Do you feel a surge of curiosity, courage, commitment, and action? Or is it more like apathy, anxiety, anger, and confusion?Are your eyes widening in anticipation or are they rolling in disbelief?Whatever your response is, it is your response. So own it! It indicates where you currently are on this journey.

Remember, it's Your Journey

And it is a journey. It's your journey. It's our journey to the degree we share it. We are ALL on it -- whether you are aware of it or not -- now, that’s another issue.Don’t give up on the journey. Just recognize that whether you are in the valley of despair or atop the mountain of celebration, you are on the journey.These words are not written to judge you, but to awaken you and encourage you to assess your current situation.If you really knew me, you would know that I am familiar with all of the responses listed above. All of them, and several more that didn’t make this list.I’ve known plenty of frustration in my journey. The kind that, left unchecked and exposed to the right stimuli, erupts into anger, even rage. It doesn’t compare to the outrage that has filled the screens on our devices from various news sources all around the world. But I understand the frustration that fuels much of that outrage.Hopeless, aimless, frustrated, depressed, and despairing. Those words aptly describe our life without purpose. But it doesn’t have to be that way.And just in case you’re wondering, “You talkin’ to me? Surely not. Not if you knew about my situation, my screw-ups, or my circumstances.”Yes! I’m talking (or writing) to you. Especially you. You see, I’ve been there. I’ve sat where you are sitting or stood where you are standing.I’ve thought I had blown it. Missed my opportunities and cashed in my chips. Thought it was over or might as well be over.[clickToTweet tweet="But then I discovered, as long as you have a pulse, you have a purpose." quote="But then I discovered, as long as you have a pulse, you have a purpose."]Your mistakes do not disqualify you from your life’s purpose. Instead, they prepare you for it. They create credibility to connect with certain people like no one else can. And best of all, your journey has filled you with compassion and empathy for those who have traveled the same or similar paths as you.As Frederick Douglass said,

If there is no struggle, there is no progress.

That’s why they call them growing pains.Finding purpose involves struggle. It’s often through your difficulties and struggles that you discover or rediscover your purpose." I call it Living Your WHY.

Living Your WHY is Progressive

For me, the words purpose, meaning, fulfillment, and joy represent a pathway that is both progressive and iterative. Finding the purpose for your life provides meaning, which leads to fulfillment, and produces joy. And deep down inside, don't we all long for purpose, meaning, fulfillment, and joy? I know I do. I think you do too.[clickToTweet tweet="Starting where you are with what you have may not be much, but it's all you can do. So do it. Now!   " quote="Starting where you are with what you have may not seem like much, but it's all you can do. So do it. Now!"]There is so much more to share about Living Your WHY, I can't wait to continue the journey with you.

What Do You Do Now?

Do something for sure. Here are some options:

• Consider your response to this post and the four words. Explore your responses by journaling or talking with a friend.
• Find a vibrant community of people passionately pursuing purpose to inspire and encourage you on your journey. Dive into the Living Your WHY Facebook Group.
• Join me for the Living Your WHY - It's Better Together Webinar on Wednesday, August 3, 2016, at 1:00 pm EDT. You can register here. 
• Schedule a Quick Connect call with me and we'll jump on a call and talk about what’s on your mind.

How To Get and Stay Unstuck - 4 Steps

Not again! I don’t want to get derailed. Not now! And just when I started gaining some positive momentum. Things were going so well, or so I thought and now here I am stuck again!Rather than moving forward, my wheels are spinning. It seemed that I was finally making progress, but…now, one wheel is back in the rut, and I feel like I’m slipping….sliding….oh no, I am being sucked back into the pit. Once again I am stuck.How I hate being stuck. Feeling ashamed. Lost, desperate, and confused.  Like I will never get my act together. And feeling needy. Oh, how I hate feeling needy.[clickToTweet tweet="Ever wonder > What can I do to get out of this rut before it becomes my grave?" quote="'What can I do to get out of this rut before it becomes my grave?'"]Ever been there? Yeah, me too.Let’s face it. We all get stuck once in a while. But not all stuck is the same. Sometimes we just need to know the direction in which to go and we get can unstuck on our own. Other times we are so far in the rut that we require assistance getting out the rut.Not all stuck is alike. It’s important to distinguish the difference as it helps in developing your approach to getting unstuck.Here are seven of the common ways people get stuck.

1. Stuck in a rut. Of course, there is more than one rut that people fall into. But often a common characteristic of ruts is there are located in your comfort zone. You keep doing what’s comfortable and expect a different result. (Einstein had something to say about that.)
2. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. You have a decision to make and you don’t like either option. Sooner or later you’ll have to choose one or you’ll find yourself stuck in the rut of indecision.
3. Stuck in the middle. There are many middles where people get stuck. Sometimes the middle is a half-way point on a longer journey where you’ve gone far enough that going back isn’t a good option, but you don’t yet see the destination.
4. Stuck in the mud. In my experience, this usually happens when I was trying to take a short-cut and left the prescribed path to find a better way. This kind of stuck almost always requires help from someone else to get out.
5. Stuck on an island. Very few people find themselves stuck on a literal island. However, millions of people are stuck on islands of isolation because they have alienated themselves from others.
6. Stuck in quicksand. As a kid who watched too many Westerns, getting stuck in quicksand was one of my greatest childhood fears. I’ve never seen a pit of quicksand, but I have seen pits of despair and depression. If you’re in a pit, you probably will need help getting out.
7. Stuck in traffic. If you live in a major metropolitan area and are trying to go to the same place as everybody at the same time, sooner or later, you will hit traffic.

4 Easy Doable Steps to Take When You Are Stuck

How do you get unstuck? Well, I don’t mean to sound like a consultant and says, “It depends.” But, it depends on what kind of stuck you are and where you are stuck.The marketing side of me wanted to call these easy steps. The compassionate side of me would not let me.[clickToTweet tweet="Ever been so 'steeped in stuck' that nothing seemed easy. Not easy, but doable! " quote="Trust me; there are times I’ve been so 'steeped in stuck' that nothing seemed easy. This isn't easy but it is doable! "]

The 3 N Framework

“Where are you now?” is a great question to ask. It's even better when you can answer it. Admitting you are stuck is the first step to getting unstuck.“What’s got you stuck?” or even “What kind of stuck are you?” is also helpful.“What is your next step forward?” Put another way, “What is the next right action you need to take?” Don't insist on seeing the whole path before taking action. Take the next step.

[clickToTweet tweet="It's hard to steer a parked car. Get moving and course correct as you go." quote="It's hard to steer a parked car. Get moving and course correct as you go."]

“Is there something new you should adopt or implement?” Be open to doing, or at least exploring, new ideas, options, and alternatives.I have found now, next, and new to be incredibly helpful at getting unstuck.Of course, there are times when it is absolutely essential to ask,“Who can help?” especially in those situations where you are seriously stuck and need someone to help you get unstuck. If you need help, use your phone a friend lifeline and call someone.Regarding getting stuck in traffic...well, that is just part of life for many. When you get stuck in traffic, you have to develop coping mechanisms to maintain your sanity and avoid road rage - meditate, practice deep breathing, listen to calming music. And when you've had enough, do what me and millions of others have done, take the entrepreneurial leap. Traffic was one of the big motivators for me back in 2001.

Staying Unstuck

Once you are unstuck, you want to stay that way. Here are my best tips for staying unstuck:

• Develop a daily routine that anchors you in the right mindset. It is almost impossible to overstate the importance of establishing a daily routine to help you manage your mindset.
• Be part of a community where care, connection, and accountability are mutual and free-flowing. There are all kinds of communities where you can belong. Some are naturally occurring communities through a church, work, or other points of commonality. Other communities are created by intent and design — like civic clubs, professional associations, networking or mastermind groups. I have found membership masterminds highly helpful. Contact me if you want to explore joining the Higher Purpose Mastermind I formed, I would love to discuss it with you.

Even when you are taking preventive measures to avoid getting stuck, you may still occasionally get stuck. When those instances arise, call on a friend, so you don’t waste time or energy staying stuck.Photo credit belongs to fouroaks and was obtained through depositphoto.com.

WHY Conversations: The Empty Nest Edition

The 411: What you are about to read is a fictional account of a conversation on what many call the EmptyNest. This could easily be an actual conversation as this post is inspired by a real-life conversation. Since I was writing from the balcony of a cabin in the mountains of western North Carolina, I pictured this WHY Conversation happening in just such a place. I chose a retreat setting as those are some of my favorite events. I hope you enjoy as you listen in.

Confronting the EmptyNest

“Hey, Kevin, do you have a few minutes? I’d like to chat about some of the things you said during the morning session.”“Of course, BJ, what’s on your mind?”“That whole bit about reconnecting with my passions and charting a new path for this next season of my life. Instead of thinking of this as the finish line, imagine the possibilities if we viewed it as the starting line for our next race. All of that got the wheels turning in my head and created great energy and excitement again.”“Oh, so that is what’s on your mind. If you don’t mind, please tell me a bit more of the path that led you here.” [to this retreat]“Well, my youngest daughter graduated high school this year and is heading out of state for college in the Fall. Lately, it has really been hitting home and hitting hard that I am soon-to-be an empty nester.  Honestly, I am not where I thought I would be at this stage in life and the thought of an empty nest is pretty frightening. After all, for the last 23 years being a Mom has been my primary focus.”“I hear you BJ, the empty nest arrives sooner than most of us anticipated. You may have heard the expression, ‘The days are long, but the years are short.’* I think the empty nest is one of those milestone moments when that reality hits hard. It was such a run and gun to get the kids to school, to sports, to camp, to sleepovers, and then to the next year of school. Then, bam, you’re visiting colleges, ordering graduation invitations, and wondering how time passed so quickly.”“You’re not kidding, Kevin. Especially as a single mom. It seemed there was never any time to stop. In so many ways, life has been a blur since Kindergarten. It’s like we were on autopilot on the autobahn. That line you shared about the empty nest not having to be the empty next hit me right here.” [BJ dramatically and slowly brought her arm from her side with her index finger extended and slowly landed smack dab in the middle of her forehead and added the “kaboom” sound effect.][clickToTweet tweet="Your #EmptyNest need not be your empty next. Fill it with #meaning, #purpose, + #service" quote="Your empty nest need not be your empty next. You can fill it with meaning, purpose, and service"].“In case you were thinking it’s just you, please know you are not alone. It’s like we boarded a high-speed express train the moment when we left the hospital with a newborn in tow. We certainly got here fast, but not quite sure what to do now that we’re here.”“Thanks for the reminder. Fortunately, I know I’m not alone. I’ve got some friends who’ve been on similar journeys and recently we’ve been talking about those same questions you raised this morning. While, we’re not yet certain of the answers, it’s comforting to be processing these questions and sharing this season of life with people I’ve known since college.”“Absolutely! While it’s never easy to navigate life’s transitions, it is certainly easier when you are surrounded by people who know you, love you and want only the best for you. Do you mind me asking, what is your answer is to that question I posed in the morning session?”“Which one? I wrote down a question with each of the five points you covered.”“I didn't know I had questions attached to each of them. (We both chuckle.) You know I believe that a good question is better than a great answer. I meant the one about a passion that you might have put on simmer while you were raising your family?”“Oh, that one. I think I turned that burner off as a single mom. What was that quotation you shared about our childhood memories?”

“What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever.”

"It’s from Mary Jo Putney and provides quite a window, doesn’t it? Was the question about what you loved in childhood easier for you to answer than the passion question?”“Maybe. For me, I see a strong connection between my childhood delights, dreams, and destiny.”“Hey BJ, love that alliteration. I may have to borrow that delights, dreams, and destiny line. Who knows, I may work it into the next session. Have you pondered that connection before?”“Not really. It was something I jotted down after one of our table discussions. But that is the assignment you gave us for the afternoon isn’t it? Can I give you my answer at dinner? I think I’ll take a short hike up the mountain and find a place to ponder that and have an answer for you at dinner.”“Sounds like a plan. I can’t wait to hear what you come up with; these mountains are a great place for getting clarity.”“Believe me, I know. I am so glad I came.”“Yeah, me too, BJ. I’ll see you at dinner. Enjoy your hike.”

Filling the Empty Next

BJ mentioned five points we discussed in the morning session. Here they are in case you were wondering.

1. Reframe the situation. You’re not done; you are destined. Now is the time to step into your destiny.
2. Reconnect with YOUR passions
3. Rediscover your dreams
4. Redirect your attention and energy
5. Re-fire your future

I’ll cover those in a future WHY Conversation post.Which one(s) do you need to focus on now, so your empty nest is not your empty next? Leave a comment below.We are planning a webinar to explore the Empty Nest ≠ Empty Next. Sign up to be notified of details.[convertkit form=4887230]

Shoutouts

"The days are long, but the years are short," comes from Sandra Stanley via her husband, Andy.The "empty next" concept was a typo from a journal entry on May 16, 2016, that caught my attention.This conversation was inspired by a real-life conversation. Thanks, BJ, you know you are.The photo credit belongs to shippee and was procured from DepositPhotos.com

Finding Life Purpose Through a WHY Conversation

Have you ever wondered what might have been relative to your life purpose -- if only? You gotta be careful with those two words. “If only…” can either be a springboard to action or the slippery slope down to a deep, dark, and desperate hole where you begin to wallow in pity and regret.

 What You're About to Read...

This is a unique post. At least for me, it is. I did not want to write TO you about this topic; I wanted to talk WITH you. I want to share the things I hope I would say if we were engaged in an “If only” conversation. Immediately, I was inspired to write this post as if someone transcribed our conversation. That is what follows.Let me set the stage.You are free to imagine us seated wherever it is you like to go for rich and robust conversation. If I were with my friend Tony Kim, it would be a late afternoon on the patio at Parker’s Lighthouse on Queensway Bay in Long Beach, California where The Queen Mary is docked. We stumbled on Parker's over 10 years ago and go there whenever possible.But like I said, you paint the picture that works best for you. Maybe we are tucked away in the corner of that quaint coffee shop down the street. Or on a bench in the park, sitting under a gazebo, atop a mountain, or by the sea. All of those are great — take your pick.Since I’m the one writing, we are sitting on our screened-in porch with a gentle breeze blowing through the trees, birds singing, and insects chirping.It’s where I am sitting right now as I write this. And those are the sounds I hear at this exact moment. Oops, nature was just interrupted by the air conditioner kicking on. It’s summer in the South, and I am so grateful for AC on a hot day. But I digress.

Listening In

“Oh, there you are. Thanks for stopping by.”We pour a cup of coffee, share some casual chit-chat, and then settle into the wicker chairs and begin to get closer to the real topics that are weighing heavy on your heart and mind.I begin, “So, what’s on your mind?”You respond by saying, “Well, Kevin, life just hasn’t turn out the way I expected.”“Oh? What did you expect?”That takes you off guard for a moment. There is silence. I let the silence hang in the air. You squirm in the chair. You look down; you look out the windows. You stare at the trees for a few moments.I sense the discomfort. I want to step in and say something to break the tension. But I don’t. I remember what I learned from Fierce Conversations.

Let silence do the heavy lifting.

As uncomfortable as it is, I bite my tongue and listen.You seem stirred. I sense you holding back some emotions. Then, finally, you break the silence.“Wow, it’s been a long time since I have given that any thought.”“Given what any thought?”, I ask.“What, and how, I expected life to be.” Again, you are struggling, perhaps even stifling some strong emotions.“Please say more,” I implore. I lean in a little as I can tell you are about to say something profound. And personal.“I guess you would call it the dream I had. It’s what you said about how I expected life to be. I once had a dream and my life was going to be very different than it turned out.”“Yeah, mine too. Radically different. I have sat where you’re sitting now and probably processed some of those same thoughts and emotions you are processing now.”“Really? And here I thought it was just me. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself lately. It looks like everyone else has it all figured out, and their life is going according to the plan. Or much closer to the plan than mine.”“Hmm.” [Just you? I want to ask, Did someone slip something into your coffee? Surely you know better than that. But I exercise restraint.]Because I remember having that exact thought when I sat where you’re sitting. So instead, I follow-up with, “Tell me more about that, if you will.”You go deeper into the personal details. Confidentiality prevents me from sharing more about that here. After you’ve unloaded a lot of what’s on your mind, you look at me — you’ve been looking down for a long time now, not comfortable with any eye contact. But now you ask, “So, is it too late for me? Have I missed out on living my why?”“Absolutely not! Do you have a pulse?”“Say what? I’m sitting here aren’t I? We’re talking to one another. Of course, I have a pulse!”“Well, if you have a pulse, then you’ve got a purpose. If you’re done, your dead. Since you’re still alive, there’s time, and there’s still hope.”“Great!” You say with a mixture of relief and confusion. “But what do I do now?”“Yes! You’ve got it!”At this moment, your brow is furrowed, and you are deeply puzzled. “Got it, got what?”“NOW, you must do something now. Now is the only time you have.”[clickToTweet tweet="Now is the perfect time to take the next step towards your #WHY; it’s the only time." quote="Now is the perfect time to take the next step towards living your WHY; it’s the only time."]“Oh, I see, I need to take action now while all of this is fresh and I’m energized and motivated. So, back to my question, What do I do, now?”“Ah, that depends. Back to those dreams, you said you had years ago, what part of that feels most like you now?”Again, due to time and confidentiality, we’ll omit those details. Suffice it to say; you reconnected with the dream from earlier in life — or at least parts of it.“Let’s discuss one more thing before you have to leave today. Who is there to help you with the next steps?”You look a bit puzzled, “Who is here to help me? You mean I don’t have to do it all myself?”“BINGO, actually you can’t do it all by yourself. Living your WHY is best done in community with others. Who are your others?”You quickly rattle off a few names. They flowed so fast that you were surprised to imagine so many people willing to help you.“Now, what’s the next step you are going to take and when will you take it?”You list your action plan. “I am calling Tom as soon as I leave here and see how soon he can grab lunch. Tomorrow morning, I am carving out some time to journal. You know I used to journal, but it’s been too long. I’ll write about my dreams and desires. And then we’ll arrange a date night this weekend, and I’ll share this conversation with Susan.”“How can I help?”“Oh, you’ve provided plenty of help already. I know my next steps for now. Can I call you if/when I get stuck.”“Of course, you can.”

Was That You I Was Talking With?

I hope you enjoyed our conversation. Let me share the key points in case you missed them.[clickToTweet tweet="The takeaways: It’s not too late. You can’t go it alone! You must start now." quote="1) It's not too late. 2) You can't go it alone. 3) You must start now."]Let’s bring this back to you. After all, this is about you and your WHY.What next step can you take right now towards living your WHY?It can be as simple as:

• Writing down your dream.
• Phoning a friend.
• Scheduling an appointment.
• Finding a group of like-minded people to encourage you on your journey.
• If you've not yet downloaded your free copy of The 5 Questions You Must Answer To Align Yourself With Your Higher Purpose, it will help you find the clarity you need.

Here’s a very simple next step that you can do right now and will only take a few minutes. I dare you to scroll down and leave a comment describing the next step you commit to taking. That “puts it out there” and demonstrates courage, commitment, and invites accountability — three things we all need to continue our progress.Looking for an online community of like-minded people? Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group and engage with someone there.

Shoutouts

A tweet from @DebraMJacobs "Reminder that with a pulse, we have a purpose" has swirled in my mind for about a week now.Fierce Conversations is an excellent book and course developed by Susan Scott. Learn more here.If you are familiar with The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier you might recognize his influence here. If not, it's a recommended read.The photo credit belongs to mast3r and was procured from DepositPhotos.com

Awakening to WHY

What do you remember most about your awakening to why? That time when you realized that you were not the center of the universe, and you discovered your life is full of possibility, meaning, and purpose. You realized you have gifts, talents, and abilities and you made yourself available to share those with others and in service of some cause.Was your awakening an epiphany? One of those magical moments where it seemed as though lights were flashing, trumpets blaring, and suddenly you had a Eureka moment?Perhaps yours was more of a gradual enlightening; like climbing a mountain and then you arrived at a vista where you could see for miles and miles. You saw the path that led to the vista just as clearly as you saw the way forward. The splendor and majesty from your vantage point were breathtaking and awe-inspiring.Who knows? Your awakening might have contained elements of both. Or might have happened in an entirely different way.[clickToTweet tweet="#Awakenings are not one size fits all; they are one size fits one, you!" quote="Awakenings are not one size fits all; they are one size fits one, you!"]Or maybe you’re sitting there with your face scrunched wondering, “What is this ‘awakening to why’? How does it happen? Sounds kind of Gucci, can I schedule one for Friday at 3:00?”Maybe you can schedule your awakening for Friday at 3:00, but I’ve never seen awakenings arrive exactly on schedule. But that is not to say yours can’t or won’t.But it is entirely possible that your awakening still lies in your future. It would be awesome if you reading this blog post somehow contributed to your awakening?While awakenings may happen at any moment and are not geographically bound. Yes, there are some special places where people gather when they are in a seeker mode, but awakenings are not restricted to conference centers, retreats, college campuses, or sanctuaries.Awakenings are just as likely to occur in a coffee shop, at a restaurant, in a park, at the beach, in the mountains, or even in your car. As I said, they are not geographically bound. However, it is very common for some human agent to be involved. I call them Awakeners.Awakeners are people whose gifts, talents, and abilities are used to awaken other people to the fact that they, too, have gifts, talents, and abilities along with destiny and purpose.The Awakeners arouse people to the reality that your greatest joy in life will be found when you are using your unique skills in service of others and not just live for yourself.Here’s how one Awakener from a past generation, Frederick Buchner put it,

Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world's deep need.

You may be related to the Awakener(s) in your life — maybe it was your mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandparent, sibling, or cousin. Or maybe they served you in some leadership capacity like a coach, teacher, preacher, or counselor. It’s equally possible your Awakener briefly crossed your path in an airport, on a plane, at a conference, camp, or retreat. Maybe you sat in an audience of hundreds or thousands of people. Or maybe it was an intimate one-on-one conversation. It’s also possible that you were reading a book or watching them on some screen.Whoever it was and wherever it was, the Awakener communicated something that stirred deep within you. It connected and resonated deep within and awakened you to your life of purpose and meaning. They got you started on the journey.Remember this, living your WHY is a journey. It’s always a journey, a lifelong one at that.[clickToTweet tweet="If you’ve got a pulse, you’ve got a #purpose. Keep pursuing it." quote="If you’ve got a pulse, you’ve got a purpose. Keep pursuing it."]What next? Well, that depends on where you are on your Journey to WHY.1) Maybe as you read this post, you identified the Awakener(s) in your life. Perhaps you realize that you’ve never expressed your gratitude or lost touch. If you are rocking your why perhaps this provides an excellent opportunity to reach out and connect, or reconnect with your Awakener(s). You could send them a note for the role they played in your Awakening or provide an update on recent developments on your Road to WHY.2) If reading this has awakened you to the reality that weeds are crowding out your why perhaps it is time to revisit and reconnect with your why — maybe this is a wake-up call to reawaken yours.3) If you have yet to discover your why then look around. Who are the Awakeners in your life? Invite one to breakfast, lunch, or coffee and ask them to help you with the discovery process.4) If you want to connect with like-minded people for connection, conversation, and community on your way to why, join the LYW Facebook group or drop-in on one of The WHY Conversations on Blab. You can listen live or watch the recording.

4 Steps to Creating Your Extraordinary Life

No one sets out to live an ordinary life. Not you, not me. Deep inside each of us is a desire to make our mark in the world; to live an extraordinary life.Somewhere along the way something happened and you ended up settling for ordinary. Possibly because you felt that extraordinary was out of reach or not for you. I love this insight from Brené Brown, “People would rather live disappointed than be disappointed.” People lower their expectations and silence their dreams, all in hopes of managing disappointment.That’s no way to live.It doesn’t have to be that way. An extraordinary life is within your reach. Some may doubt that it’s possible, but extraordinary is still available. If you have life and breath, there is still hope and time for you to live an extraordinary life.Before sharing how you can live an extraordinary life, there are two myths that need busting.

Busting Extraordinary Myths

Myth 1

Extraordinaries are born that way. They are the “endowed ones’, the naturals. You know them as “those people” with special gifts, talents, or abilities. Included in this group are actors, athletes, and artists as well as singers, swimmers, and superstars. They arrived on Earth with an extra something that others just don’t have. They were destined for fame and fortune.This myth leads people to believe, unless you arrived as an extraordinary, you are predestined to be ordinary.Here’s the truth: Everyone has at least one special gift, talent, or ability. Everyone! You may see it (your gift, talent, or ability) as ordinary because you are so close to it, and it comes so effortlessly, that you don’t see it as extraordinary. But it is! Your challenge is to identify your gift, talent, or ability and begin to embrace and improve them.

Myth 2

Extraordinaries are lucky and had overnight success. These are the people who just happened to be at the right place at the right time and boom! the world instantly recognized them as extraordinary and conveyed celebrity status upon them. They didn’t have to work for it; they just showed up, and it happened.Really?Myth buster: Most “overnight successes” did not happen overnight. They did thousands of ordinary "things" (whatever their thing is), usually in obscurity and way below the radar screen. Then, all of those ordinary things reached a tipping point, and suddenly, everyone knew their name.It’s like the 10,000-hour rule from Anders Ericcson that Malcolm Gladwell popularized in Outliers. The idea is that mastery comes after 10,000 hours invested toiling away often in anonymity. You work off the grid for years and steadily progress to the point you become an overnight success.Now that we’ve addressed those myths, how does one go from being ordinary to becoming extraordinary?I am so glad you asked![clickToTweet tweet="Becoming extraordinary requires extra effort, but it is fully within your reach." quote="Becoming extraordinary requires extra effort, but it is fully within your reach."]It’s the idea of gradually, then suddenly. Like compound interest, it builds slowly at first and then reaches a point of critical mass, becoming both notable and noteworthy.Becoming extraordinary requires doing more than the absolute minimum. It’s attention to detail, concentrating on the little things that others overlook. It’s the personal touch. It’s follow-up. It's a lot of small ordinary things done with extraordinary care and love that create a magical moment.Then, as you string together a series of magical moments, you reach the tipping point. When that happens, your ordinary life ceases to be ordinary and is “suddenly” extraordinary.If becoming extraordinary is so easy, why are so few people willing to pay the price? That's a great question. It led Roger Staubach to this conclusion.

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.

4 Steps to Transform the Ordinary

Here are four things that, when consistently practiced, will transform the ordinary into the extraordinary. They are Intention, Awareness, Connection, and Action.Intention[clickToTweet tweet="#Intention is the seedbed for all #extraordinary achievement. " quote="Intention is the seedbed for all extraordinary achievement. "]Your journey to extraordinary begins with an intention. Decide that you will not settle for ordinary as long as extraordinary is possible. Identify the mindset you need to create the masterpiece life you want to live. Develop a daily routine that grounds you in your desire and creates the fertile ground for the extraordinary to occur.Paulo Coelho described the result of intention in The Alchemist.

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

AwarenessOnce you have set your intention, open your eyes to the opportunities around you. You will be amazed just how many opportunities await you. They were there all along, but you missed seeing them because you had not made yourself available to them.[clickToTweet tweet="#Opportunities are amazing: #intention attracts them, action multiplies them." quote="Opportunities are amazing: intention attracts them, action multiplies them."]ConnectionConnecting with people is the single best way I know to transform ordinary transactions into extraordinary encounters. Every single day we have multiple opportunities to connect with people: both in-person and on-line. Open your eyes to the possibilities for connection; when they arise, invest richly in the relationship. With increased intention and awareness, connections occur naturally, perhaps even supernaturally.[clickToTweet tweet="Connection begets conversation which begets relationships. Relationships fuel growth. " quote="Connection leads to conversation, conversations build relationships, and relationships fuel growth. "]ActionIntention, Awareness, and Connection all set the stage for action. You started out with an intention to make a difference for someone; through awareness, you discovered an opportunity. You seized the opportunity to connect. Through the connection you found a way to make a difference — it could be something as small as a kind word. It might be facilitating an introduction or investing in some pay-it-forward action.[clickToTweet tweet="Intentions are great, especially when coupled with an affinity for action." quote="Intentions are great, especially when coupled with an affinity for action."]

The Ball is in Your Court

If you have not declared your intention to live an extraordinary life, then that’s your starting point.

You are surrounded by opportunities to be extraordinary, AND you have everything you need.

Get started. If you do not have a morning routine that sets you on the path for extraordinary days. Start now!Determine now how you will start your day tomorrow to set you on the path to be extraordinary.Once you have set the intention, cultivate habits to increase your awareness of those around you. Put your phone away. Be aware of the people on your path and avail yourself of opportunities.When opportunities arise, connect. Speak a kind word to the barista, cashier, flight attendant, whoever crosses your path for more than a nanosecond. Be genuine and authentic, not plastic or dramatic. If they are wearing a name tag, call them by name. It’s a way to jump start the connection and conversation.And remember to take action. What kind of action is best? Whatever is most relevant at the moment. What do you see when you look at their face and eyes? Are they having a bad day? Looking stressed out? Offer a word of encouragement. Extend a sincere compliment for a job well done. Perform a small act of kindness clothed in compassion. Treat everyone you encounter with dignity and respect.If you follow these simple steps, you will end your ordinary days. Ordinary interactions will become extraordinary encounters that will grow like compound interest. Gradually, then suddenly you too will become one of the Extraordinaries.

Supporting Your Extraordinary Journey

• Connect with a great group of peers in the Living Your WHY Facebook Group.
• Join The WHY Conversations on Blab Wednesdays at 3:00 EDT.
• Jump on a Quick Connect Call with me. We'll talk about whatever is on your mind.

The Problem of Ordinary

Your life is ordinary. And you loathe the fact that it is.Becoming ordinary was never on your wish list. It neither filled your dreams nor fueled your imagination. If you’re anything like me, being ordinary might have even been your worst nightmare.Ordinary was the one thing you longed most to escape. You grew up in an ordinary family, lived in an ordinary town (not even big enough to be considered a city), and you attended an ordinary school. As a matter of fact, everything about your life seemed ordinary.You want people to notice you. To stand out, to make your mark in the world. You can’t do that if you are ordinary and blend in everywhere you go.Who would notice? After all, the very definition of ordinary is “with no special or distinctive features; normal, and commonplace.”Who notices ordinary? Nobody.Now as you think about it, ordinary defines your life. So much of your life is dull and ordinary. Mundane and meaningless! At least, that’s how you see it.Especially when you compare your ordinary life to other’s extraordinary lives — at least the lives you think they live by what you see on social media. By comparison, your life feels like a documentary filmed in black and white and stuck playing in s-l-o-w motion while everyone else’s lives are star-studded, action-packed, high-definition highlight reels.I’ve got news for you, and you might not like it. You can’t escape the ordinary. Ordinary is everywhere, and every life includes a certain amount of mundane moments.I remember the day that it dawned on me that even Jesus had many ‘mundane moments’ in his extraordinary life. Please don’t get me wrong, his life was certainly miraculous. But it was not nonstop miracles.We have a detailed account of his birth, a very short snippet when he was 12 years old, and a lot of details of his three years of public ministry beginning at about age 30. But what about those other years, the ones between birth and the Temple visit at age 12 and how about those 18 years from when he was 12 to when he was 30.We know he was a carpenter; did you ever stop to think that even he went through the tedious process of making furniture or building a barn? I am sure his work included plenty of mundane tasks of cutting, sawing, and sanding. I believe he had a mindset that transformed the mundane and infused it with meaning and purpose.[clickToTweet tweet="You cannot escape the #ordinary, but you can #transform it." quote="You cannot escape the ordinary, but you can transform it."]The mundane can become meaningful, even magical, especially, when you have the right mindset and outlook.It’s not so much what we do that determines whether or not a task is menial or mundane, but how much of ourselves we bring to the task and invest in it that is transformative.Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the three stonecutters in medieval times. Each had the same tasks, tools, and resources; they shared the same job description and worked on the same project. But their perceptions of their work were radically different as illustrated through their encounters with a visitor.The visitor was in awe at the massive project under construction. He could not tell what was being built but by the size of the worksite and the number of workers on the project he knew it was something big.He approached the first stonecutter, interrupted him and asked, “What are you doing?”A wee bit annoyed, he replied, “What does it look like I am doing? I am cutting stones for I am a stonecutter.”The visitor apologized for interrupting his work and continued walking around the site, still marveling at the edifice under construction.A few yards away, he encountered another mason and asked him the same question, “What are you doing?”The second worker was also perplexed by the visitor’s question. “Well, I am the best stonecutter in these parts, and I am meticulously working to build a wall.”“Thank you, I am sorry for my interruption. It is indeed a beautiful wall you are building.”The visitor walked on a few more yards where he approached the third mason. There was something different about this stonecutter. He was engrossed in his work, had a twinkle in his eye, and a spring to his step.The visitor decided to ask his question one more time. “Good sir, I hate to interrupt you, but may I ask what are you doing?”The stonecutter paused from his work, wiped the sweat from his brow, locked eyes with the visitor and said proudly, “Sir, I am building a great cathedral.”It was true that each worker had the same tasks, tools, and resources. But each of them perceived their work differently. Which stonecutter do you think found more joy from their labor?The third stonecutter knew the same secrets that Mother Teresa shared. She realized that “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” It’s not the size of the task that matters; it’s the amount of love you invest in it.[clickToTweet tweet="When you, “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love”, they cease being ordinary things." quote="When you, “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love”, they cease being ordinary things."]It’s not what you do that determines whether or not the task is ordinary. Rather, it’s the love and care, with which you do the mundane things of life, that transforms them into extraordinary.Your life is ordinary, not because it is full of mundane tasks; it is because you see those tasks as mundane. Find a way to infuse even the most mundane tasks with extraordinary love, care, and excellence. You will find both the work and the worker transformed as a result.

Oh the People You Will Meet on Your Way to WHY

Take the next step on your Road to WHY. Click here and download a resource sheet to help you identify the 7 People You Meet on the Road to WHY.You are on a quest. A journey. Yes, I’m talking to you.Your quest began the day you were born. Technically, it started much earlier; let’s save that topic for a later philosophy discussion. I find those are better in person, by the beach or the fireplace with your favorite beverage in hand.If you are reading this post, you are on that journey. You may be completely unaware of the journey or thought you were just wandering aimlessly. Nope! It’s a journey. Most of us were somewhat clueless. After all, that’s the message many of us heard.The journey continues as long as you have life and breath. For most people I know, their journey is more like a maze than a straight-line. I find comfort in knowing that the steeper the slope, the harder the climb, the better the view from the finishing line.If you’ve had lots of zigs and zags along the way, keep at it. Something great is just ahead of you.Let me introduce you to seven people you will meet on your way to WHY. It’s not like there are only seven people on your road to why, but seven types of people or seven roles that people will play along the way. The order in which you meet them may vary. And some will play a significant role, others a supporting role and a few will make only cameo appearances. They are all important, even necessary.Oh yeah, it’s important to know that they won’t be wearing name tags either to identify them and their roles. Some are flashing billboard obvious; others are hardly noticeable.If your journey is anything like mine, you may only recognize the role someone played in retrospect. It’s also entirely possible that the people you meet are completely unaware of the role they play(ed) in your journey.[clickToTweet tweet="There’s no casting call, and people are not provided a script for their roles on your road to #why." quote="There’s no casting call, and people are not provided a script for their roles on your road to why."]Often, it’s far more organic than scripted. At least that’s how I’ve seen it play out.Here are the seven people: Awakener, Doubter, Encourager, Hero, Mentor, Critic, and Ally.Now let me briefly describe each of them. See how many you can identify in your life.The AwakenerI don’t know when it happened for you, but one of the first people you meet on your Way to WHY is the Awakener. The Awakener plays a critical role in your life and journey. It is the person who first rouses you to the reality that there are meaning and purpose to life, your life.The Awakener may, or may not use the language of why, meaning, and purpose. It’s not like there is a magic phrase or incantation from the Awakening Handbook required for your awakening to occur.But absent this awakening, you keep shuffling along in a stupor. Going through the motions, stuck in a rut. You might even have bought the lie that life is all about you and that you are (or were) the center of the universe. Then, you meet the Awakener.The Awakener shakes you from your slumber and helps you “see the light” and get on your way to WHY.A personal relationship with your Awakener is nice, but it’s not necessary. Many people had a “chance encounter” (yeah right) with their Awakener. Trust me, while it may have been a one-time encounter, it was an encounter with destiny, not chance.Nor does it matter whether you met your Awakener at a convention center, chapel, or coffee shop. All that matters is that you met. And, as a result of your meeting, you are aware that life, your life, has meaning and that you matter.Most of us share a common experience immediately following our awakening. We are so excited over our epiphany that we can’t wait to tell somebody. Unless you are extraordinarily wise, you may make a poor choice in whom you tell. Join the club.Rather than confiding in someone who has also met their Awakener, you tell the first person you see or a good friend with whom you usually commiserate about how much life, or work, sucks.Instead of seeing their eyes open, their bodies lean in, and they say, “Tell me more.” You see them lean back in their chair, fold their arms, and furrow their brow. Then you hear something like this, “Are you okay?” “I know you’re stressed, have you been drinking?”You just encountered the Doubter. Or should I say, your first Doubter? I don’t want to dampen your enthusiasm; I just need to prepare you. You will meet many Doubters along the way; they seem to multiply like rabbits.But there’s one Doubter that follows you everywhere you go. Everywhere. As a matter of fact, this one lives with you. Sorry, correction, that Doubter lives in you.The most detrimental and determined Doubter I encounter is the one embedded in my head. The one who stares me down in the mirror and screams, “Who do you think you are?” “What makes you so special?”Fortunately, there’s someone you meet that you desperately need.You need as many of these in your corner as you can find. Put them on speed dial or add them to favorites list. Read their messages first. On some days, read only their messages, ignore the others.It’s the Encourager.  These are the people who see you as capable and competent. They build your confidence. They give you courage; actually, they deposit courage into you.The Encourager fills you with hope and reminds you that you are valuable. They may not always use perfect English, but their message is always spot on. Like this scene from The Help that shows the power of the Encourager, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”[video width="1280" height="720" mp4="http://kevindmonroe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/You-Is-Smart-You-Is-Kind-You-Is-Important.mp4"][/video]There’s another important person you meet on the Road to Why. Hopefully, you meet many of these people too. Once you are on the Road to Why, you may realize you met them much earlier in your journey. They inspired you; they embodied what you want to emulate. It’s the Hero.You may know them intimately, and it’s equally possible that you’ve never met. They could be well known or unknown; their fame is irrelevant.It’s their example that counts. Your hero could be someone on the world stage, the person who built the stage, or the person who sweeps the stage after the show is over. Each is equally remarkable and may exude qualities you deem admirable.[clickToTweet tweet="Anyone can be a Hero, and everybody is somebody’s Hero. " quote="Anyone can be a Hero, and everybody is somebody’s Hero. "]We all need Heroes. In some cases, your Hero may pull double duty and play another vital role in your journey and also serve as a Mentor.A hero may remain distant; mentors get close. You may never meet your hero. They could have lived generations before you, but they inspire you and model greatness. Mentors, on the other hand, often are up-close and personal.Yes, it is possible to have Mentors from another time and place. I have several virtual mentors. They are a great complement to in-person mentoring, but will never fully supplement in-person mentoring.[clickToTweet tweet="#Heroes inspire you, #Mentors invest in you." quote="Heroes inspire you, Mentors invest in you."]I had mentors in my life long before I knew the word or concept. I have never participated in a formal mentoring program. No advisor ever reviewed my application and matched me with a mentor. My mentoring relationships have happened organically, and a few even had divine origins.Some were formal. A few I sought out, others just happened. They all had something in common. Every mentor invested in me. I am deeply grateful to them for their mentorship.Thank God for Heroes, Mentors, and Encouragers. You will need them and their example to help you with the next people you encounter on the journey. The Critic.Here’s the truth. On your Road to WHY, you will encounter Critics.There seems to be a correlation between the size of your WHY and the number of Critics you will attract. Their goal is to thwart your progress on the Road to WHY. Do not give in to them. The only way to avoid them Critics is to say nothing, write nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.That’s a high price to pay to silence the critics. Too high in my opinion.Instead, heed the wise words of Theodore Roosevelt.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

The final group of people on the Road to WHY will be the ones who come alongside you or you beside them.  It’s the Ally. That person, or persons, with whom you find a kindred spirit and common cause. They have your back, and you have theirs.Allies come in all shapes and sizes. Some you connect with for a season, others stick with you for the journey. Some allies are in the background providing support and resources. Others share the stage with you. Bill Withers may have best summarized the role of the Ally, “We all need somebody to lean on.”There you have it, the seven people you will meet on your Road to Why. Where are you on your journey? How many of these people can you identify? Which ones are most active and involved now. Which ones are most needed today?It’s a conversation I want to continue. Here are five ways that come to mind:

• If you’re on the Road to WHY, consider this my personal invitation to join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group. It’s a hub for Awakeners, Encouragers, Heroes, Mentors, and Allies — Critics and Doubters need not apply.
• Engage in conversation by leaving a comment below.
• Download your free Road to WHY worksheet to identify the people on your Road to WHY.

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The Common Characteristic of Greatness: An Epiphany

Just this week I had an epiphany! Lights went off, bells rang. Perhaps, you’re thinking, “That must've hurt.” A not-so-subtle reference to the great line from the movie, Hook. For those scratching your heads, “Say what?”, take a look.[video width="320" height="240" mp4="http://kevindmonroe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Hook-Ive-Just-Had-An-Apostrophe.mp4"][/video]But was my epiphany a flash of insight or has it been years in the making? Ah, that made me wonder,[clickToTweet tweet="Are epiphanies sudden flashes of insight or gradual awakenings of enlightenment? " quote="Are epiphanies sudden flashes of insight or gradual awakenings of enlightenment? "]Epiphanies can be either, and often are a combination of both.

Remember the story of Archimedes?

According to the story, Archimedes had been perplexed by a problem for some period.  King Hiero II was questioning the integrity of a local goldsmith he had commissioned to make his crown. He thought the craftsman had crafted a ruse to keep some of the gold for himself and substituted some inferior elements in the making of the king’s crown. Archimedes had been consulted to solve the problem.An exact solution had eluded him. He pondered this situation for days with no breakthrough.One day, as he stepped into his bathtub, he noticed the water responded to the weight of his body submerging into the tub. Instantly, he realized there was a flash of insight that would solve this problem. He was so moved by his discovery, that he literally, flashed through the streets of Syracuse shouting “Eureka, Eureka!” which means, “I found it!”Yes, there was a moment in which Archimedes had an amazing flash of insight, his eureka moment. However, one must wonder what role all of his pondering the king’s dilemma for days on end had in the timing of this epiphany. Absent that pondering, he might not have ever noticed the water rising in his tub or connected the dots that led to his theory of displacement.Here’s a cartoon summary of the story in case you're interested or want to share.

My Eureka Moment

Back to my epiphany. Through the years, I have been fortunate to work in or with the private, public, and social sectors. Despite my preconceived notions or stereotypes to the contrary, I discovered passionate people of purpose in every sector.[clickToTweet tweet=" No single #sector has a monopoly on virtue or vice. Saints and sinners are equally present in all. " quote=" No single sector has a monopoly on virtue or vice. Saints and sinners are equally present in all. "]There are paper pushers, people pleasers, and passionate pioneers in every sector.What is it that those passionate people all have in common? I’ve pondered that for years — consciously and subconsciously.Now, I’d love to tell you that I commissioned a leading research firm that conducted dozens of focus groups, market studies on seven continents, and thousands of qualitative one-on-one interviews with high achievers from all walks of life. Then, they combed through all of that data and found the one secret shared by all of those high achievers.And after all of that exhaustive research, I am now poised to share what they found. I could tell you that.But it wouldn’t be true. I have not (yet) commissioned that study or research. No, this is much more like Archimedes and his flash of insight. For years, I’ve wondered what it is that most of the extraordinary people I have met all have in common.And now, I think I know.Are you ready? Drumroll, please.The common characteristic shared by all of the extraordinary people I know: they are Living their WHY. That’s it!They are on the journey to discover the reason why they are here (on earth) and to somehow integrate that awareness into what they do.Many of the extraordinary people I know have found a way to express their why through their daily work. For others, it's through volunteerism or community involvement they demonstrate theirs. Still others, find their most authentic expression involves their faith and faith community.With every waking day, the people of purpose I’m blessed to know, recognize that as long as they have life and breath, there is a why for their existence.Our common quest of discovering and living your why is what unites us — regardless of where you live, work, or worship.Your mission, should you accept it, is to discover your why. Knowing is not enough. Once you discover it, you then find ways to live your why.How did my epiphany occur? Gradually, then suddenly.The 'gradually' part was meeting great people from all sectors over the past 20+ years. The 'suddenly' part happened recently. I am on a six-week blogging and connection blitz. Two friends encouraged me to start a Facebook Group. I did. We labeled it Living Your WHY.And it was only after launching the Living Your WHY group that I realized all of the amazing people I know can find a place of belonging there. Perhaps my epiphany began by my asking the question, “Who should I invite to join?”As I scrolled through my contacts, I remembered people who struck me as extraordinary across all sectors, countries, and cultures belong in this group. Living Your WHY connects and unites us.

Living Your WHY

If what you’ve read appeals to you,

• Please join us on the Living Your WHY Facebook group
• Jump in on The WHY Conversations #Blab currently, Wednesdays at 3:00 EDT.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Subscribed to stay informed on Living Your WHY.

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Three Ways to Celebrate Your Progress

This post may appeal to you if celebrating is easy and natural for you and you are looking for something to celebrate. Or if you're more like me and celebrations are a wee bit more challenging because we realize how much work there is to do and wonder who has time to celebrate.

Over the last four weeks, I’ve had a goal of publishing three blog posts a week and connecting with as many people as possible around the topics. (Here’s where you can find the story and beginning of the thread.) I write every day, but to publish three times a week — now, that’s another issue.It’s what Seth Godin called shipping (great video here.) Get it done, put it out there. Shipping is extremely hard for perfectionists. We don’t like to ship something that is not yet perfect. Whatever your something is, it always needs more editing, tweaking, polishing. Always.[clickToTweet tweet="Shipping is difficult for perfectionists; nothing is ever fully finished, just finally released. " quote="Shipping is difficult for perfectionists; nothing is ever fully finished, just finally released. "]I’ve developed a habit of blocking time every day to write; yesterday was no exception. Except, that when I started to write, I realized I had passed a bit of a milestone. I was two-thirds of the way through my six-week project. Thinking back to my Gonzaga days and Jesuit influence, I paused to celebrate.For my fellow Type A, High D friends, I can hear you saying,

What? Stop and celebrate? Didn’t you say you’re only two-thirds of the way finished? What is there to celebrate? You do know that you still have a long way to go, shouldn’t you wait until you reach 100% to celebrate? If you stop now, you might get derailed and not finish the project? Then what?

Yeah. That’s me. And that’s how I’ve operated for years.Hi, I’m Kevin, and I am a perfectionist. I’m working hard to say, "recovering perfectionist", but, as many of you know, that's a monumental struggle. And some of you know that all too well.My typical approach has been to set a goal, make a plan, and work like crazy to get there. Once I arrive, pause long enough to set my sights on what’s next and dive back in and keep working.There was no time to celebrate. Besides, what was there to celebrate? The project wasn’t perfect. I could have, no, I should have done it better, faster, and smarter.[clickToTweet tweet="When perfection is your goal, there’s never enough progress to celebrate." quote="When perfection is your goal, there’s never enough progress to celebrate."]That may not be an epiphany for you. Let me assure you; it was for me.I am not exactly sure the source of those words. I am confident that I had never thought them before. But after I typed them, I stopped.I had to. Because the tears in my eyes prevented me from seeing my screen. At least for a moment. My running joke is that as a recovering perfectionist. I use hours, not days, to track my progress.

But yesterday was different.

For whatever reason, yesterday morning, I felt compelled to pause, reflect, and celebrate.I sat under a shade tree in a quiet place and began writing. I had paused; it felt good. Not overly driven; going with the flow.“Take some time to sit and think” were the instructions I gave myself. I sat in silence for what seemed like infinity. You know, maybe 30 or 45 seconds. I was doing my best to find that Zen-like happy place for meditation and reflection.Then I started writing. Here were the first words I wrote, “Reflecting on these past four weeks, here is what has not worked the way I had hoped.” Fortunately, I stopped myself. I had just written a 3-part series on abundance and had the presence of mind to recognize focusing on “what has not worked” was a scarcity mindset. And where it was leading was certainly not “my happy place.”If you don’t believe me, here’s a Facebook post I shared with some friends for accountability sake.I paused again. This time did a deep breathing exercise. Cleansing breaths provided a fresh start; here’s the do-over that followed.Pause. I started a list of the great things that have happened over the last month. I began making a list; it was much longer than I thought it might be. Undoubtedly, this has been the best four-week run I have had in a long time.Reflect. Ponder all of the little things that have happened these past four weeks that might not have otherwise happened. I have reconnected with colleagues and classmates; met kindred souls who crossed my path or me theirs.Celebrate! Express gratitude for honoring my intentions and commitment to ship - to write daily and publish three times a week. Celebrate every connection made with every person who invested their time to read and respond. Celebrate every conversation that occurred along the way. Celebrate the creativity that I didn’t think I had or thought I had lost!Celebrate the inspiration and encouragement of friends. Celebrate my willingness to launch new things like the Living Your WHY Facebook group that my dear friends Michael Hudson and Chris Cannon suggested I do. Celebrate the support of Michael Hudson and Ann Vertel, who wholeheartedly joined me on the inaugural WHY Conversations Blab.On top of that, it was Father’s Day. Celebrate my Dad for imparting to me a love for people, the ability to connect and converse. Celebrate my son, Josh for the great Dad he is to our granddaughter Emma.WOW! There were so many things to celebrate that were celebration-worthy.

And how about you?

When was the last time you paused for reflection and celebration? What progress have you made that is worth celebrating?[clickToTweet tweet="Forget perfection, celebrate progress. Celebrate early, celebrate often." quote="Forget perfection, celebrate progress. Celebrate early, celebrate often."]By celebrating, you find focus and harness energy to fuel the next phase of the journey.If celebrating is easy for you, please share with us your favorite practice so we can learn. If a celebration is something that requires greater effort on your part, will you commit to carving out time this week and find something to celebrate? Post your accomplishment in the comments and I’ll celebrate with you. Tweet me your accomplishment @kevin_monroe and I'll re-tweet it to share in the celebration.  

Turbocharge Your Networking with LinkedIn

Do you ever grow weary of the trivial chit-chat at networking meetings? I certainly do. So much of what passes for networking is speed-dating gone bad. Walking through crowded rooms, chatting awkwardly, starting conversations with the same lame questions as everyone else and hoping to stumble upon a gem instead of a jerk.Don't get me wrong, I love meeting new people and always value making meaningful connections and engaging in stimulating conversations. Always! It simply doesn't happen often enough in networking meetings. But it can.What if I said you already have the power to radically transform your networking? Would you believe me? Actually, you usually carry it in your pocket or purse. Okay, a few of you still carry it on your hips -- not that there is anything wrong with that!A series of events from this week served as vivid reminders of exactly how powerful of a networking tool LinkedIn is (or can be.)It started with a lunch meeting on Thursday with Mark Borst, Customer Experience Director for DeKalb Office. Mark is one of the brightest, most creative CX guys out there. If you are in the CX world, you really ought to connect with Mark.During lunch, he reminded me of the CX Knowledge Exchange later that day. I went and enjoyed the fascinating conversations on the interplay of Customer Experience and Employee Engagement.At one point in the evening, someone asked me, “How did you find out about tonight’s meeting?” As I began answering their question, I had a flashback that reminded me of the power of LinkedIn.

Connecting the Dots

In April 2015, I was attending the CXPA Local Atlanta Networking Event at the Alliance Theater in Atlanta. Another friend, Mike Wittenstein was presenting. And another friend, Carlos Quintero, had invited me to attend. Mike unveiled a fascinating program using professional actors from the Alliance Theater acting out Customer Experience simulations. Later, we ended up at smaller tables for networking and facilitated discussions over lunch.There I sat with four ‘strangers’ and was looking for ways to break the ice and engage in meaning conversations rather than the standard chit-chat. While I don't remember the exact inspiration for my actions, I vividly remember the results.I whipped out my iPhone, opened the LinkedIn app, and started a round of what I now call LinkedIn Roulette.Here’s how the game is played (I made up the rules).With the LinkedIn app opened, I typed in the name of each person seated at the table (thank God for name tags) seeking to discover some common connection or shared interest. To my amazement, I found multiple connections with each person.Next, I sent each person an invitation to connect (customized, of course) and then looked for openings to interject our shared connection in the conversation.

Hey Tom, I see you know Philip Bray from SafeHouse; what’s your connection with Philip?

That led to us discussing how we had both volunteered at SHO which resulted in our swapping stories and created a bond beyond the topic of CX.On the other side of Tom, sat Mark. When there was another lull in the formal conversation, it was my turn to play LinkedIn Roulette with Mark and see what would happen.It was at that moment when I realized I picked the winning number (connection).

"Hey Mark, how do you know Johnny Myers?"

"Johnny Myers? You know Johnny? We were great friends in Houston. Then we both ended up moving to Atlanta, and my wife worked with Johnny. I can’t believe this!   So, how do you know Johnny?"

I shared how Johnny and I had met through SafeHouse (small world, eh? The same organization came up twice in our conversations.) and how we had worked on a couple of projects together.

Deepening the Connection

A few days later, I received a text from Johnny. I replied and shared that I had met a friend of his. That’s when things got real interesting for me. Here’s the actual text exchange:Then, I sent this screen grab to Mark with a subject line of Johnny says we should connect.We arranged our first one-on-one meeting and were amazed at how quickly and deeply we connected. Johnny was right!Mark and I now meet about once a quarter and always enjoy stimulating conversation and incredibly generous mutual exchange of ideas and information. Yesterday’s lunch was rescheduled twice before we finally pulled it off. As we talked, I shared that my wife was having dinner with some friends and earlier in the day, I had said, “I need to find some meaningful connection time with others while you are at dinner tonight.”Mark immediately responded, “Tonight is the CX Knowledge Exchange, why don’t you join us?”That was the long story of how I ended up at Thursday night’s meeting. People at the table laughed and smile. Meanwhile, I had already started another round of LinkedIn Roulette. I had already sent invitations to connect.Our table host, Jim Bass, was sitting across from me. When I looked at this profile, I noticed a side project he was involved with that fascinated me.As the formal discussions were winding down, I asked Jim,

What can you tell me about The 21st Century Church Project?

He lit up!Had I just picked another winning number on the LinkedIn Roulette wheel?Now it's your turn. Next time you find yourself sitting at a networking meeting or meal tap the power of LinkedIn to turbocharge your networking. Please let me know what you do and how it works in the comments below or by tweeting me @kevin_monroe.

 By all means, if we are not yet connected on LinkedIn, let's resolve that. Send me an invite.

Your Answer is Closer Than You Think

When was the last time you were at the end of your rope and struggling to hang on? Have you ever had a season of life where things seemed so dark and hopeless that you could not find your way out?No? Me neither, but I have “a close friend” who has and filled me in on what it’s like and he schooled me.Truthfully, I have experienced dark nights of the soul that extended into down days and even depressing weeks.In those moments, when darkness seems stronger than light, it's east to lose perspective; our vision gets blurred and we struggle to see things clearly. Perhaps you’ve been there and know what it’s like to feel your sanity slipping away faster than sand through the hourglass and taking your last shred of hope with it.

Hidden in Plain View

Here’s an ancient story that has helped me find my way out of the darkness.It’s the account of a mother who, through no fault of her own, was suddenly homeless with her young child. She made an emergency exit from a bad situation with few supplies, no benefactor, and no real plan of where she would go or what she would do to support her child.After a few days crossing the desert, she found herself in a desperate situation. She had exhausted what few supplies she had, was physically drained, and emotionally distraught.Thinking this was the end for both she and her son, she placed her son under a bush and distanced herself as she could not stand to watch her son die.As she sat there sobbing, an angel appeared and assured that this was not the end for either her or her son.What happened next astounds me totally. Poof! It blows my mind.“Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.”Hmmm.The text does not say that God miraculously created the well. Though he was quite capable of doing that. No. Instead, God opened her eyes to the well that was already there, but for whatever reasons, she could not see.Have you ever been so desperate that you could not see the solution to your problems or the supplies you lacked even though they were right before your eyes?There is great comfort in the story of Hagar — especially for those who have ever struggled with adversity and scarcity. What Hagar experienced was the scarcity mindset on steroids!Ever found yourself there? In an earlier post, I shared about a time where I was hyper-focused on what was lacking in my life and business. I found myself totally enveloped by dark clouds and scarcity thinking. In past times like this, I found it helpful to journal. That particular day? Not so much.Perhaps it was the question I posed to myself, “What is it that limits my thinking, doing, and being?”There I was, sitting like Hagar, feeling lost and confused -- at the end of my rope with no hope.I quickly listed three answers that all began with this phrase, “Lack of…”At that moment, I was drowning. It was a dark and desperate place.Then I remembered Hagar. I found the story and read it.The words,

God opened her eyes, and she saw a well

leaped off of the pages. The well was there! But for some reason, she could not see it.[clickToTweet tweet="Instead of asking “What are my limitations?” ask “What is the well that I cannot see?” " quote="Immediately, the question changed from “What are my limitations?” to “What is the well that I cannot see?” "]It seemed as though everything changed in a flash. In a way, it did.

Changing the Question Changes Everything

Please realize — my situation did not change instantly. But my mindset did! An exchange happened; I abandoned my scarcity thinking and began embracing abundance.Once my mindset changed, so did my questions. Changing your questions changes your world!Rather than asking, “What are the limits?” “What am I lacking?” and “What’s wrong with me?” All of which grease the skids of the slippery slope to no hope.I began asking, “What are the wells I have that I am not seeing?” “What are the resources (assets) I have?” “Who are the people I know that love me, care about me, and believe in me?”As I began making those lists, the longer they grew. And with every line added to the list, hope began to rise.It’s like the motivational classic, Acres of Diamonds by Russell Conwell, the founder of Temple University. If you are not familiar with that classic, get the free download from Temple or better yet listen to the free audio version.The same theme fills the pages of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which is another great read I recommend.You have wells and resources! If you currently find yourself in a dark and desperate place, ask God to open your eyes and let you see the well that is there.The well is there; your situation is so dark that you are blind to it.[clickToTweet tweet="Trust me; you have assets and resources. You are not destitute! No one is!" quote="Trust me; you have assets and resources. You are not destitute! No one is!"]You may be discouraged, depressed, and even deluded to think there is nothing good about you, but that is a lie.

Do Something NOW

Take an action step this very moment! Do not sit there sulking, it will not do you any good.

• What's the question you are asking that you need to change?
• Start making your list of assets, resources, and connections.
• Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group to connect with a group of positive peers.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Subscribe to access the rest of the series.

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Seeing Strength or Weakness?

Has something like this ever happened to you? Someone taps you for a job, a big job; actually, it’s the most significant leadership opportunity of your life. If a similar event has happened to you, try to recall your thoughts at the time. If not, use your imagination. Whatever the case, consider how you did (or would) respond.You might be one of those who thinks, “It’s about time someone recognized my leadership abilities and promoted me.” Hopefully, you’d have the restraint not to say that. At least not during the interview process — it might not go so well.Or is it more likely that your response would be, who me? Are you sure you’ve got the right person for the job? Certainly other candidates are better qualified and have more experience than me.If you were living in the Land of Lack at the time this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity appears, your response would probably focus on your inabilities and deficiencies. It’s the default response of people with a scarcity mindset. No matter what skills, talents, and abilities others see in you, what looms large in your mind is what you lack. I explored that more in the first post in this three-part series. Ancient history records one such encounter that is incredibly encouraging and instructive for anyone who ever dealt with a scarcity mentality. It’s a pretty safe bet that you have encountered the scarcity mindset at least once in your journeyMoses had enjoyed the abundance of the king’s palace. But at the moment of this encounter, he was exiled in the desert where a strange occurrence captured his attention. There was a burning bush that burned but was not consumed. His curiosity got the best of him, and he moved closer to investigate.Then he heard a voice from the bush that led to a conversation with the Almighty. It’s there that we pick up the story for some powerful lessons along with a profound question.In case you’re not familiar with the account, here’s a short recap:God heard the cries of the Israelites in exile and was looking for someone to lead the largest refugee resettlement in history. Here’s where we pick up the dialogue.

“So now, go, I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”

But Moses said to God, “Who am I, I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

Moses was in front of the Almighty, who just appointed him to this leadership role, and his immediate response was, “Who am I?” Is that how you would respond? I can assure you; it’s what I would have said. (As a matter of fact, for years, those exact words, “Who am I”, were my default response to every opportunity as I explain in this post.)God responded and assured Moses that the Almighty God would be with him on this job assignment. Not even that was enough to persuade Moses! He was still not sure that he was the right man for the job. — I never realized how much I had in common with Moses.As their conversation continued, Moses put forward all of his best objections as to why he was neither qualified nor capable for the job. According to holy writ, God reviewed the playbook with Moses and laid out the plan with some level of detail. God explained how Moses should approach Pharaoh, how Pharaoh would respond, and instructions of how he should respond to Pharaoh.Here’s Moses, a fugitive in the desert who saw a sight he had never seen before, drew near it, was drawn into a conversation with the Almighty, and was still unconvinced. I’m telling you, at that moment, he was the poster child for a scarcity mindset.It was then he asked, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you.’”Moses had probably already completed what we now call a Benjamin Franklin decision-making list of the pros and cons of God’s offer. I think we are safe to assume that, at least in his mind, the cons list was much longer than the pros, and he was inclined to excuse himself from this job offer.Look at how God responded to Moses’s question. Many people would expect God to respond with lightning, judgment, or some rebuke. At the very least, Moses was due a stern lecture or a sermon.Nope! Instead, God answered Moses’ objection with a very simple question, “What is that in your hand?” It's safe to assume God knew the answer.[clickToTweet tweet="The question, 'What's that in your hand?' was for Moses’ benefit, not God’s." quote="The question, 'What's that in your hand?' was for Moses’ benefit, not God’s."]And in case you are not familiar with what Moses was holding at the time of this encounter — it was his shepherd’s staff. A piece of wood that seemed mundane and ordinary. At least to him.At this moment, we see God employing what social scientists label an asset-based approach and using inquiry rather than instruction.Moses had already made an impressive mental list of why he couldn’t. God saw why he could.[clickToTweet tweet="Moses could only see what he lacked, God saw what he already possessed." quote="Moses could only see what he lacked, God saw what he already possessed."]Isn't that just like us? We are focused, make that consumed, with lack and our inability to do what we are asked, or called, to do. Scarcity so consumes us, that we are blind to the abundance of what we already possess.[clickToTweet tweet="Like Moses, we seek to disqualify ourselves from the opportunities of a lifetime." quote="Like Moses, we seek to disqualify ourselves from the opportunities of a lifetime."]Here’s what I love about this encounter and specifically, the What is that in your hand question, is that you, yes you, are already endowed with skills, talents, and abilities. Things that you probably see as ordinary are ideally suited to the situation at hand.Perhaps it would be helpful for you to try something I have done when I find myself obsessing over a scarcity mindset and disqualifying myself for anything of significance. Grab a sheet of paper, open your journal, or launch Evernote or your word processor. Make a list that answers this question — what’s in my hand? What are the assets — gifts, talents, abilities, and connections that I have right now.If you struggle to answer this question — which some of you will, email 3 - 5 people you know and respect and ask them to help you develop a personal inventory. You might use language like this, “I am developing a list and would like your help identifying my gifts and talents. What is something you see that comes naturally to me?” Or, “What are my areas of excellence?”Take action NOW!

• Decide to identify and appreciate your gifts, talents, and abilities.
• If you need help, find someone who can help you, and schedule time to connect.
• Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group to connect with a group of positive peers.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Subscribe to access the rest of the series.

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Living in the Land of Lack?

Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of living in the Land of Lack? What, and where, is this Land of Lack, you ask?You sound as if you don’t know. Maybe you don’t.Perhaps you don’t have any firsthand knowledge of the Land of Lack because you’ve never lived there or never even visited there. If that’s true, then consider yourself blessed. If that’s you, stop right now and express gratitude that you’ve been spared serving hard-time in the Land of Lack.[clickToTweet tweet="All time in the Land of Lack is hard-time. No one serves a light sentence there." quote="All time in the Land of Lack is hard-time. No one there is serving a light sentence."]If you’ve never been to the Land of Lack, perhaps you should read on just to increase your empathy for the rest of us who have either visited the Land of Lack or had a permanent address there.What is this Land of Lack? How does one end up there? More importantly, how do you leave the Land of Lack and never go back? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves yet.The Land of Lack is multifacetedOn some days, the Land of Lack is dark and hopeless. It’s shrouded in a dense fog. So dense and dark that the fog is all you see.If you held up your hand in front of your face, you wouldn’t see it. You can’t see it. You know it’s there, you feel it, but you can’t quite make it out.Then, there are days when the fog lifts a little allowing you to see barren land. It’s like a dry, parched desert. Or maybe you see an old river dried bed where water once flowed, but now all you see is cracked and crusty ground. You can tell that at one time, things lived there. But not anymore. Maybe there was a disaster that wiped out every living thing.When you are living in the Land of Lack, there are three dominant thoughts running on a continuous loop in your mind.

You are NOT enough.You do not HAVE enough.You cannot DO enough.

Maybe the loop in your mind uses different words to express those same thoughts, but you recognize the themes.Here’s a personal example from a journal entry. Apparently, I was living in the Land of Lack the day I wrote this entry. That probably goes without saying, merely by the choice of words used in the question I was pondering.What, specifically is it, that limits my thinking, doing, and being?Right away, you recognized this question as a frequently asked question by Land of Lack residents, didn’t you?What was your first clue?Ah, yes, the word limits. If that wasn’t not enough to clue you in, here are the lines that followed.It pains me to share these. It's somewhat embarrassing for me to admit that my thinking was so stinking. But I share my pain to connect with you in yours and in hopes that together, we find the courage to move forward.This is my real, unedited journal entry that answered that pitiful “poor little me” question:

Lack of clarity.Lack of focus.Lack of persistence.

Can you relate?Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to recognize the slippery slope I was starting down. And here’s what I wrote next.

Whoa! Stop yourself right there!

I could continue this list, but I think I already see the common theme. At this very moment, I believe that if the list had 10 - 20 things, even if I built it out to 100 things, they would ALL share one common trait. Most, if not all, of them, would begin with the phrase, I lack.

My PERCEIVED lack. The embedded belief that I AM not enough do NOT have enough, or can NOT do enough IS what is truly holding me back.

And that my friends, is that it is like living in the Land of Lack.Some of you might be wondering, what happens if you stay there?Well, nothing good, that’s for sure!Residents of the Land of Lack hobble along sipping a toxic cocktail of complaining, comparison, and complacency.You may complain about the person who let you down or altogether left you. Whether it was a parent, a partner, or a friend. You blame shift. It seems there is always someone else who was at fault and on which you can pass the blame.Or maybe you complain about a bad decision, bad timing, or just plain old bad luck. Most of us have made at least one bad decision along the way.Residents in the Land of Lack look at others and wonder, exactly what is it about them, their background, or their “special” situation that allows them to “get all the breaks.”Worst of all, you decide this is as good as it gets. And, for whatever reason, you are destined for a lifetime in the Land of Lack.In case you don’t know, the Land of Lack exists in every part of the world. It has no geographic boundaries.Amazing isn’t it? The Land of Lack is quite small but incredibly powerful. The land mass of the Land of Lack is less than four square inches. You see it is a state of mind.A dark and depressing place rooted deep in your mind. The Land of Lack functions like a supercomputer that is perpetually pumping messages and flooding your brain with reminders of what you don’t have, what you can’t get, and what you can’t do.STOP IT! You don’t have to believe those lies any longer.Start packing your things, well, not all of them, and leave the Land of Lack. There are some things you may have grown quite comfortable with, that may have even served you well in the Land of Lack, but they have no place in the Land of Plenty.I’ve got great news for you!You can leave today. You need not give a 30-day notice. Just break the lease. Get the heck out of Dodge before sundown. Do not spend another night in torment in the Land of Lack.In my next post, I will share a story that helped me find my way out.Take action NOW!

• Make a decision that you are leaving the Land of Lack.
• Find someone who can help you and schedule time to connect.
• Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group to connect with a group of positive peers.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Subscribe to access the rest of the series.

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Is Servant Leadership a Road Less Traveled?

Can you remember the first time you dreamed about becoming a leader? What was it that appealed to you?Was it the opportunity to make a difference? Right a wrong? Become a better boss than all of the lousy bosses you had to endure? (Been there, done that!)Or was it that you were tired of being told what to do and wanted to be at the top of the pyramid so you could do the telling?Perhaps it was the perks and privileges that come as part of the power package. The life of a jet setter with the luxurious office, vacation homes, exotic cars, executive jet, private dining rooms complete with an executive chef. Seriously? You’ve been watching too much TV.Is it possible that you never dreamed about becoming a leader?Instead of following a carefully crafted dream or plan, you somehow “stumbled your way” into leadership? You were good at your job, real good at it. And because you were, that opened the door to a leadership role.After all, if you’re the best at doing the job (whatever it is), you obviously have what it takes to teach others to do the job, right? — Uh, who came up with that? Pardon my digression, but it is worth noting that some people never chose the path, the path chose them.Leadership is a path to power.[clickToTweet tweet="Every #leadership position involves power. It’s how you use it that determines your legacy." quote="Every leadership position involves power. It’s how you use it that determines your leadership legacy."]Granted, many seek power for the self aggrandizement. Fortunately, there is another path.It’s the path of service. Robert K. Greenleaf dubbed this path as Servant Leadership. What attracts people to the path of service is a natural desire to serve, to serve first. This desire has multiple origins.Perhaps your natural desire to serve was instilled in you by a family member — your parents or grandparents. Maybe it was a coach, teacher, or scout master that first modeled service for you. Or possibly you have a strong faith that influences your desire to serve. Of course, many have a strong desire for social, civic, or economic justice that motivates them to serve.Whatever its source, you have a strong desire to serve. To serve first and make a significant difference for others.Then, at some point along the way, leader called.It might happen suddenly, even unexpectedly. There was a void and someone needed to fill it. You might have volunteered for the role or others might tapped you asked you to fill a vacancy.Sometimes the awareness came gradually. You realized there was an opportunity, you may have even sensed it as an obligation to step up and lead. You were not seeking to grab the ring of power to lord it over others or so you could enjoy the perks and privileges.No, it was an opportunity to advance the cause and advocate for others. It’s what Greenleaf called the conscious choice to serve.Just this week I saw it in action. I had the opportunity to spend two days with 70 leaders of the National Park Service. Many of them had not set out the path to power and set their sites on being a park superintendent. Rather, they had a love for nature and the great outdoors.I saw in each of them a natural desire to serve. They enjoy the rich heritage of our nation’s special people and places and seek to share it with others while also preserving our national treasure for future generations to enjoy as well.Again I was reminded of one of my favorite questions — can you be on the road to Servant Leadership and not know it?Yes. It happens all of the time.People who have never heard the term Servant Leadership or ever consciously said, “I want to be a servant-leader” are in fact, great servant-leaders. It happens when your leadership is grounded in a desire to serve.At some point in your life, you came (or will come) to a point where two paths diverged. Choose the path of service over the path of power and personal aggrandizement. Embrace leadership — not for what it would do for you, but for what it will allow you to do for others. That is the essence of Servant Leadership.  And, for now, it is one of the roads less traveled.Perhaps you too are on this path — whether you knew to call it Servant Leadership or not doesn’t really matter. Now that you know it is Servant Leadership, you can learn to enrich your practice. That’s a topic for another day.For now, consider what draws you to serve, to serve first? That might be a great discussion to have with a friend or mentor. If you don’t have anyone to discuss it with — schedule a call with me.If you have experiences, please share by adding a comment below.

• Know someone who would benefit from this post, please pass it on.
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• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Join me and others on this Summer journey.

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To Fix or Not to Fix...

How do you respond when someone comes to you with a problem seeking your wisdom, guidance, and assistance? If you’re a fixer, you probably jump at the opportunity to “fix”. After all, fixing is why you were put on the planet. Isn’t it?For fixers, fixing is a natural response. Actually, it might even be your automatic response. Almost Pavlovian. Someone comes to you and says something to the effect of, “I have a situation and wonder if you could help.” Your heart warms. Your mind goes into high gear getting ready to rapidly search the archives for that exact nugget of wisdom that is needed most in this moment to clear the fog, perhaps even part the sea for the “fixee” in front of you. You begin to salivate like Pavlov’s dogs at the ringing of the bell. Oh, oh, oh, this is going to be great!Someone, who is in dire straits, may need you and your great wisdom to illuminate their darkness and shine the light on their path forward. Naturally, you — being the kind, compassionate, and caring person that you are — cannot conceive of not jumping in with a fix. Immediately!It would be inhumane to not respond and share your great wisdom. After all, you’ve spent years accumulating knowledge, skills, and abilities and even developed a reputation for being able to quickly comb the archives and find the nugget of truth or pearl of wisdom and dispense it on command.Bonus points are awarded for those who share with panache — be it pithy and profound statements or a bit of humor that lightens the atmosphere and lessens the tension in the environment.For the fixers among us (yes us), having someone approach us to seek our “wisdom” is like the invitation to a private party beyond the velvet rope or a qualifying round for the upcoming Olympics.You relish the challenge. Let’s see how fast you can solve their dilemma. Perhaps their situation is unique and challenges you in ways you have yet to be challenged. Is this an opportunity to place another X in the win column or add a notch on your belt?What could be wrong with helping someone who is struggling?Maybe nothing. Or maybe everything.Have you ever stopped to consider the downside or even the dark side of being a fixer? As a recovering fixer, I am well aware of the win a fixer feels when you fix something. Especially if what you fix was complex, thorny, and complicated.[clickToTweet tweet="But what if your win as the fixer deprives the “fixee” of their own personal win? " quote="But what if your win as the fixer deprives the “fixee” of their own personal win? "]Worse, what if your fixing only reinforces the belief that they are incapable of resolving issues for themselves? In that case, your action, although it is rooted in compassion, as no doubt it is, actually fosters dependence  and stymies the learning, growth, and development of the very ones you seek to help.Here is a place where “two roads diverge”. On the one hand, when you are approached for advice, take the seat of the guru, dispense advice, and share wise counsel.Or you can take a road less traveled.When these opportunities arise and people come to you for you to “fix” them. Perhaps, instead of immediately giving advice and dispensing wisdom, you help them explore their options and discover their own answers.As a result, you will help them bolster their confidence, increase their capacity, and muster their courage. It is definitely a win-win situation. It’s just a different kind of win for the fixers. In time, I think you’ll discover it to be a better kind of win. And you’ll be glad you took this less-traveled road.Please do not interpret this to mean that “fixing” is always wrong and never the appropriate path. That simply not true. However, many fixers like the thrill of fixing. My suggestion is that when asked for help, pause and ponder which path is the best choice and follow the one that allows everyone to win.If you have experiences, please share by adding a comment below.

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Which Path Do You Pick?

Imagine if Robert Frost were alive today and pondering the great decisions of life. Perhaps the opening lines of his poem might read like this:

Six roads converged in a roundabout,And glad I could not take them allAnd be one sane driver, long I circledAnd looked at each one for they all looked alikeTo see where it curved out of sight;

Perhaps life was simpler 100 years ago when Frost penned The Road Not Taken. One thing is certain, travel was slower.The average speed of the 1916 Model T was only 25 miles per hour. When you approached a fork in the road you had time to ponder which path to take, but you probably didn’t have information about your options, where they would lead, and what you would find along the way.Obviously, travelers in 1916 didn’t have smart phones with GPS to guide them on their journey. Heck, in 1916 many roads were not yet marked and it was still a few years before road maps were widely distributed. (That began in earnest in the 1920s.)Approaching a fork in the road was a major decision. One with lots of consequences.While I’ve always had a fondness for Frost’s The Road Not Taken, it’s only recently that I really began pondering the poem’s significance.In his day, when you encountered a fork in the road, the best way to know the wisdom of the crowd was to see which path showed more signs of being frequently chosen. Remember, this was almost a century before swipe left or swipe right could be helpful to inform your choice. And there was no GPS to recalculate your route when you strayed down the wrong path.In today’s world, we frequently find ourselves facing forks in the road, deciding which one to take. There are still plenty of opportunities to choose between paths, perhaps even more decisions to make than in Frost’s day.And expediency, while not the only criteria, is often the most prized. Which road will get me there fastest?Still today, the popularity of the path is no guarantee that the road is right for you. There are there factors to consider. Lewis Carroll pointed that out 50 years before Frost.Carroll used a short, but pithy conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland to dispense his wisdom.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ was his response. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.

Although so much has changed since Lewis Carroll and Robert Frost first composed those lines. The dilemmas they describe are just as real today as they were then. Perhaps even more so.What about you? When confronted with a decision — large or small — do you seek out the wisdom of the crowds and the well-traveled paths?Or are you willing to leave what’s safe and familiar and risk exploring the roads less traveled?Frost opted for the road less traveled and that made all the difference in the world for him. How about you?Over the next few posts, I’ll share some of the less-traveled roads I’ve taken and what I’ve learned along the way. I hope you'll join me.In the meantime here are some actions you can take:

• Share this post with a friend who is struggling to pick a path.
• Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Sign up to be one of the insiders and get dibs on what's new or next on this journey.

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Creating Your Masterpiece Mindset

If you want to get the most out of this post, click here to download your Masterpiece Mindset worksheet. Imagine with me for a moment that you are an artist. Let's say you are a painter; and while we are at it, let's make you a world-class one too.Before you is a blank canvas. On it, you are about to create a masterpiece. Maybe you will paint a landscape of the mountains, the sea, or a stunning sunset.Whatever you choose to create as an artist, there is one element that is a constant. You begin with three primary colors. In the artist's world, those are red, yellow, and blue. Any and every color you use to create your work of art involves some blend of those three colors.Newsflash! You are an artist. Your life is your canvas. What are you creating on it?You have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create your masterpiece. You add a bit more to it each and every day.But in this instance, you are not using a brush and colors. This canvas is your mind.Instead of paint, you are using thoughts and ideas that shape your beliefs. These beliefs become your mindset. Your mindset either allows and encourages you to create new works of art. Or it stifles any chance of creativity by reinforcing the idea that you are incapable of producing anything of beauty.Imagine you have the opportunity to select the three key ingredients that you will use as the primary colors of your mindset.In reality, that choice is yours. Let me explain.Your mindset may be your greatest ally or worst enemy. But whatever your mindset is at this moment, please realize it is not set in stone.YOU and only you can change, alter, or regulate your mindset. You do it every day by what you feed your mind. What you see, hear, and ponder shapes your mindset.Even the people you hang out with shape your mindset. That led Jim Rohn to suggest,

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

What mindset do you want? 

Perhaps the better question is, what mindset will best enable you to fulfill your hopes, dreams, and aspirations?Suppose that your mindset is your color palette and in this universe, you get to select your three primary colors. It is with those three colors that you will create the blends and hues of everything in your masterpiece.You might want to choose carefully. Remember, these three primary colors will show up in everything you create.What three colors (mindsets) will you select?Let me share mine.I don't share these to impress you, but rather to illustrate the process and encourage you to consider what mindsets you want to cultivate that will serve you best on your journey.

Radiant 

I like to shine. Like the beacon of a lighthouse. I adore how Anne Lamott described it,

Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining

You have a light, and you are light. When you are your radiant self, people are drawn to you. Technically, it is the light that draws them, like a lighthouse.Apart from the glowing light, no sailor would ever find the lighthouse when tossing about a stormy sea. It's not the building that draws them; it is the radiance of the light within that guides them. The light shines through the darkness and illuminates the way.[clickToTweet tweet="When you are radiant, you light up the room the moment you enter it. " quote="When you are radiant, you light up the room the moment you enter it. "]People are drawn to you even if they cannot explain why.I've seen this in action -- over and over again. People like being around others who are radiant; the warm glow pulls them in. Radiant people beam hope and broadcast positivity. You feel better just being in their presence.Not so, when the radiance dims and instead you are dull, dark, and dim. You become David or Debbie Downer. These people are like Eeyore and Henny Penny. If they stumbled on a million dollars all, they would see the tax liability they now have. Get stuck by them at a picnic or a party? Oh my gosh, just shoot me now!I aspire to be radiant. It's definitely one of my primary colors.

Abundant

In addition to being radiant, I want to be abundant and have a mindset of abundance. This is the belief that there is plenty to go around. I want to live in perpetual states of generosity. Not trying to hoard to make sure I get enough, but freely sharing and making sure others have what they need.I have lived enough of my life in the Land of Lack; don't want to live there anymore. I know what it's like to always be thinking of what you lack, rather than what you have.Brené Brown has my gratitude for giving me the courage to dare greatly and live abundantly.[clickToTweet tweet="You are enough, you have enough! Don't believe the lies that tell you otherwise. " quote="You are enough, you have enough! Don't believe the lies that tell you otherwise. "]

Present

Looking at my palette, what is the other essential element needed to complement radiance and abundance? For me, it's being present. Wherever I am, to be fully there. And only there.Being present requires setting boundaries on technology. When you are face-to-face with your family or friends, say goodbye to your Facebook 'friends.' Make every moment count — especially the in-person moments.Being present also means being present to the people around you or that cross your path. Even in brief encounters.Discover ways to connect with cashiers, baristas, or servers. They genuinely appreciate it, because it is increasingly rare. You have dozens of moments every single day to make someone’s day and lighten their load. Be present!Being present also means being present to the task at hand rather than attempting to multi-task. Focus on what you are doing now. That's a topic for another post.

Hypocritical or Aspirational  

PLEASE do not hear (or read) this to mean that I have got this down. That I never have a bad day. Right now there's a stadium full of voices in my head shouting "hypocrite!" It seems so loud that you might have even heard them where you are.Just ask any of my family members or close friends -- they will quickly remove any doubt. However, I believe they would also validate that they love it when I am radiant, abundant, and present. You see, they know the difference.This is not hypocritical, it's aspirational.All of it. RAP'ping -- being radiant, abundant, and present are aspirations for me. I have not mastered any of them. Yet, I have experienced them enough to know that being radiant, abundant, and present is how I want to be. All of the time I possibly can.Since I am still in the mastery process, I need help to keep me on the path. I have notes and index cards in all kinds of places. I even have calendar alerts that go off three times a day. It’s usually the first thing I see when I look at my phone (unless I’m up before 5:00 am). Another reminder at midday and then just as I am wrapping up work for the day. It's not just about work, it's a mindset for life.

Now it’s your turn to paint

What are the three mindsets you really want to integrate into your life and daily practice? Invest some time to ponder them. Then find ways that work for you to inculcate them into your life through daily practice.Let me know when you do. You can post it in the comments or Tweet it to me -- @kevin_monroe.What can you do right now?

• Share this post with someone you know that is a master artist in the making. Simply click a button at the top or bottom of the page for you favorite social share.
• Join the Living Your WHY Facebook Group.
• Participate with me for a Facebook Live session next week about mindsets.
• Schedule a quick connect call with me. We will discuss whatever is on your mind.
• Use the free downloadable worksheet to identify the primary colors of your mindset.

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